{"file": "audio/story-vault/A502_red-needs-a-sit-down-license.mp3", "duration_sec": 189.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 5.32, "text": "I am a red personality in the four-color system, which means even my relaxation has a chain"}, {"start": 5.32, "end": 6.76, "text": "of command."}, {"start": 6.76, "end": 9.76, "text": "People say, Jesse, you need to sit down and breathe."}, {"start": 9.76, "end": 11.4, "text": "I do sit down."}, {"start": 11.4, "end": 14.2, "text": "Then I immediately start supervising the sitting."}, {"start": 14.2, "end": 18.76, "text": "My body will be on the couch, but my brain is walking around with a clipboard going."}, {"start": 18.76, "end": 21.6, "text": "Why are we horizontal during business hours?"}, {"start": 21.6, "end": 23.28, "text": "That is red energy."}, {"start": 23.28, "end": 24.92, "text": "Red does not nap."}, {"start": 24.92, "end": 28.4, "text": "Red temporarily loses consciousness while monitoring the perimeter."}, {"start": 28.4, "end": 33.0, "text": "I have been studying four colors for over 30 years and I can tell you the truth."}, {"start": 33.0, "end": 34.4, "text": "Green wants the facts."}, {"start": 34.4, "end": 36.52, "text": "Blue wants the room to feel safe."}, {"start": 36.52, "end": 38.76, "text": "Yellow wants everybody to be happy."}, {"start": 38.76, "end": 40.96, "text": "Red wants to know who moved the charger."}, {"start": 40.96, "end": 42.72, "text": "That is my healing journey."}, {"start": 42.72, "end": 45.64, "text": "Some people go to therapy and discover their inner child."}, {"start": 45.64, "end": 49.32, "text": "I found mine and asked him why he left tools in the hallway."}, {"start": 49.32, "end": 51.52, "text": "My inner child said I was scared."}, {"start": 51.52, "end": 55.48, "text": "I said okay, but fear does not explain this cord management."}, {"start": 55.48, "end": 57.28, "text": "That is why I built bombed."}, {"start": 57.28, "end": 58.28, "text": "App."}, {"start": 58.28, "end": 62.04, "text": "I needed a place where my jokes could be judged before I dragged them in front of innocent"}, {"start": 62.04, "end": 63.04, "text": "humans."}, {"start": 63.04, "end": 64.04, "text": "Bombed."}, {"start": 64.04, "end": 67.04, "text": "App looks at my material like a tired club owner."}, {"start": 67.04, "end": 71.52, "text": "It says Jesse, this has potential, but right now it sounds like a cleaning estimate had"}, {"start": 71.52, "end": 73.12, "text": "a nervous breakdown."}, {"start": 73.12, "end": 74.12, "text": "Fair."}, {"start": 74.12, "end": 79.08, "text": "Most of my life does sound like a cleaning estimate with unresolved childhood issues."}, {"start": 79.08, "end": 81.16, "text": "I run affordable pro cleaners."}, {"start": 81.16, "end": 82.72, "text": "I build AI apps."}, {"start": 82.72, "end": 83.8, "text": "I write comedy."}, {"start": 83.8, "end": 85.56, "text": "I coach personality types."}, {"start": 85.56, "end": 87.84, "text": "And then I wonder why I am tired."}, {"start": 87.84, "end": 91.76, "text": "That is like putting four businesses in a blender hitting pulse and calling the noise"}, {"start": 91.76, "end": 93.44, "text": "a morning routine."}, {"start": 93.44, "end": 95.32, "text": "The green in me wants a system."}, {"start": 95.32, "end": 98.0, "text": "The blue in me wants everyone to understand."}, {"start": 98.0, "end": 100.84, "text": "The yellow in me wants to make it encouraging."}, {"start": 100.84, "end": 103.0, "text": "The red in me says enough feelings."}, {"start": 103.0, "end": 105.08, "text": "Where is the money and who is late?"}, {"start": 105.08, "end": 108.32, "text": "That is the whole four colors meeting inside my head."}, {"start": 108.32, "end": 110.64, "text": "No wonder I need a sit down license."}, {"start": 110.64, "end": 112.2, "text": "I cannot just relax."}, {"start": 112.2, "end": 115.24, "text": "I need permits, proof of insurance and a witness."}, {"start": 115.24, "end": 117.36, "text": "My friends say Jesse take a day off."}, {"start": 117.36, "end": 123.12, "text": "I say from which business cleaning, comedy, AI, the personal brand, my trauma franchise,"}, {"start": 123.12, "end": 125.76, "text": "because my pain has office hours now."}, {"start": 125.76, "end": 128.16, "text": "Colors of my pain is not just a memoir."}, {"start": 128.16, "end": 132.2, "text": "It is a property management company for everything that tried to break me."}, {"start": 132.2, "end": 135.36, "text": "Every old wound has a unit number and a late fee."}, {"start": 135.36, "end": 140.64, "text": "And red Jesse is standing at the front desk saying, you're not crying today unless it converts."}, {"start": 140.64, "end": 142.88, "text": "That sounds cold, but it is honest."}, {"start": 142.88, "end": 145.6, "text": "At 50 something I am not trying to be perfect."}, {"start": 145.6, "end": 149.84, "text": "I am trying to be useful, funny and paid before my knees file a complaint."}, {"start": 149.84, "end": 152.0, "text": "So yes, I am learning to rest."}, {"start": 152.0, "end": 155.08, "text": "But I need to rest in a way that respects my personality."}, {"start": 155.08, "end": 157.24, "text": "A yellow can rest with a blanket."}, {"start": 157.24, "end": 159.6, "text": "A blue can rest with soft lighting."}, {"start": 159.6, "end": 162.48, "text": "A green can rest after reading the warranty."}, {"start": 162.48, "end": 164.28, "text": "A red needs a door locked."}, {"start": 164.28, "end": 165.52, "text": "A phone charged."}, {"start": 165.52, "end": 166.68, "text": "A backup plan."}, {"start": 166.68, "end": 172.12, "text": "And one final lap around the house to make sure nobody is silently destroying the future."}, {"start": 172.12, "end": 176.96, "text": "And I can relax for almost seven minutes and then bombed."}, {"start": 176.96, "end": 179.04, "text": "App sends me another idea."}, {"start": 179.04, "end": 183.08, "text": "Four colors starts another argument in my head and I get up like fine."}, {"start": 183.08, "end": 185.48, "text": "I will make the chaos profitable."}, {"start": 185.48, "end": 186.96, "text": "That is not peace."}, {"start": 186.96, "end": 188.96, "text": "But it is progress with the tax ID."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nI am a red personality in the four-color system, which means even my relaxation has a chain of command. People say, Jesse, you need to sit down and breathe. I do sit down. Then I immediately start supervising the sitting. My body will be on the couch, but my brain is walking around with a clipboard going. Why are we horizontal during business hours? That is red energy. Red does not nap. Red temporarily loses consciousness while monitoring the perimeter. I have been studying four colors for over 30 years and I can tell you the truth. Green wants the facts. Blue wants the room to feel safe. Yellow wants everybody to be happy. Red wants to know who moved the charger. That is my healing journey. Some people go to therapy and discover their inner child. I found mine and asked him why he left tools in the hallway. My inner child said I was scared. I said okay, but fear does not explain this cord management. That is why I built bombed. App. I needed a place where my jokes could be judged before I dragged them in front of innocent humans. Bombed. App looks at my material like a tired club owner. It says Jesse, this has potential, but right now it sounds like a cleaning estimate had a nervous breakdown. Fair. Most of my life does sound like a cleaning estimate with unresolved childhood issues. I run affordable pro cleaners. I build AI apps. I write comedy. I coach personality types. And then I wonder why I am tired. That is like putting four businesses in a blender hitting pulse and calling the noise a morning routine. The green in me wants a system. The blue in me wants everyone to understand. The yellow in me wants to make it encouraging. The red in me says enough feelings. Where is the money and who is late? That is the whole four colors meeting inside my head. No wonder I need a sit down license. I cannot just relax. I need permits, proof of insurance and a witness. My friends say Jesse take a day off. I say from which business cleaning, comedy, AI, the personal brand, my trauma franchise, because my pain has office hours now. Colors of my pain is not just a memoir. It is a property management company for everything that tried to break me. Every old wound has a unit number and a late fee. And red Jesse is standing at the front desk saying, you're not crying today unless it converts. That sounds cold, but it is honest. At 50 something I am not trying to be perfect. I am trying to be useful, funny and paid before my knees file a complaint. So yes, I am learning to rest. But I need to rest in a way that respects my personality. A yellow can rest with a blanket. A blue can rest with soft lighting. A green can rest after reading the warranty. A red needs a door locked. A phone charged. A backup plan. And one final lap around the house to make sure nobody is silently destroying the future. And I can relax for almost seven minutes and then bombed. App sends me another idea. Four colors starts another argument in my head and I get up like fine. I will make the chaos profitable. That is not peace. But it is progress with the tax ID.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}