{"file": "audio/story-vault/A27_colors-of-my-pain-receipt-drawer.mp3", "duration_sec": 206.9, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 3.02, "text": "I found out later in life that pain does not leave."}, {"start": 3.02, "end": 4.64, "text": "It organizes."}, {"start": 4.64, "end": 6.28, "text": "Mine did not heal."}, {"start": 6.28, "end": 11.24, "text": "Mine opened a little office in my chest, got a filing cabinet and started keeping records."}, {"start": 11.24, "end": 14.0, "text": "That is basically what colors of my pain is."}, {"start": 14.0, "end": 18.86, "text": "It is me finding the receipt drawer and going, okay, apparently we kept everything."}, {"start": 18.86, "end": 22.28, "text": "I am in my 50s now so I do not have trauma anymore."}, {"start": 22.28, "end": 23.88, "text": "I have inventory."}, {"start": 23.88, "end": 26.08, "text": "Young people say I am processing."}, {"start": 26.08, "end": 30.92, "text": "At my age processing means I am standing in the garage at midnight holding one extension"}, {"start": 30.92, "end": 36.8, "text": "cord trying to remember why I walked out there while my childhood quietly updates the spreadsheet."}, {"start": 36.8, "end": 40.72, "text": "And the worst part is I built a whole four colors system around it."}, {"start": 40.72, "end": 42.6, "text": "That is how you know you are read."}, {"start": 42.6, "end": 44.4, "text": "You do not just have feelings."}, {"start": 44.4, "end": 49.28, "text": "You turn feelings into a framework, a website, a coaching brand and three folders named"}, {"start": 49.28, "end": 52.68, "text": "Final, Final 2 and Real Final."}, {"start": 52.68, "end": 57.6, "text": "Some people study pain, blue people adapt around pain, yellow people hug the pain and"}, {"start": 57.6, "end": 59.56, "text": "ask if it needs anything."}, {"start": 59.56, "end": 62.58, "text": "Red people look at pain and say, who authorize this?"}, {"start": 62.58, "end": 63.58, "text": "That is me."}, {"start": 63.58, "end": 64.58, "text": "I do not cry first."}, {"start": 64.58, "end": 66.1, "text": "I do a threat assessment."}, {"start": 66.1, "end": 70.16, "text": "If sadness shows up at my door, I am not saying come in, let us talk."}, {"start": 70.16, "end": 74.14, "text": "I am saying do you have an appointment and why are you blocking the driveway?"}, {"start": 74.14, "end": 76.2, "text": "That is probably why bombed."}, {"start": 76.2, "end": 77.66, "text": "App makes sense to me."}, {"start": 77.66, "end": 82.34, "text": "I made an app that judges jokes because apparently I was tired of being the only thing in my"}, {"start": 82.34, "end": 83.92, "text": "life with an opinion."}, {"start": 83.92, "end": 84.92, "text": "Bombed."}, {"start": 84.92, "end": 89.34, "text": "App looks at a joke and says, set up week, punchline late, rewrite needed."}, {"start": 89.34, "end": 91.72, "text": "I look at my memories the same way."}, {"start": 91.72, "end": 94.56, "text": "Set up week, childhood confusing."}, {"start": 94.56, "end": 98.14, "text": "Punchline arrived 30 years late, rewrite potential high."}, {"start": 98.14, "end": 100.52, "text": "That is the whole memoir right there."}, {"start": 100.52, "end": 104.62, "text": "People think a memoir means you sit in a window with tea and forgive everybody."}, {"start": 104.62, "end": 109.52, "text": "No, my memoir is more like a mechanic looking under the hood and saying, well, here is your"}, {"start": 109.52, "end": 110.98, "text": "problem."}, {"start": 110.98, "end": 116.58, "text": "I am not even mad about it anymore."}, {"start": 116.58, "end": 121.0, "text": "I am impressed it still runs because I built businesses with that engine."}, {"start": 121.0, "end": 123.22, "text": "I clean houses with that engine."}, {"start": 123.22, "end": 129.02, "text": "I raised channels, made videos, studied people, built websites, chased bills, fixed machines,"}, {"start": 129.02, "end": 133.22, "text": "answered leads and still somehow convinced myself I was behind."}, {"start": 133.22, "end": 135.3, "text": "That is a very red kind of broken."}, {"start": 135.3, "end": 138.3, "text": "A yellow gets tired and says, I need rest."}, {"start": 138.3, "end": 141.42, "text": "A green gets tired and says, I need data."}, {"start": 141.42, "end": 144.9, "text": "A blue gets tired and becomes whoever the room needs."}, {"start": 144.9, "end": 149.66, "text": "A red gets tired and starts another company because apparently sleep is for people with"}, {"start": 149.66, "end": 152.14, "text": "less vision and better insurance."}, {"start": 152.14, "end": 154.94, "text": "I used to think strength meant never cracking."}, {"start": 154.94, "end": 159.72, "text": "Now I think strength is knowing exactly where you cracked, labeling it correctly and still"}, {"start": 159.72, "end": 163.94, "text": "showing up without making everybody else step around the broken glass."}, {"start": 163.94, "end": 168.26, "text": "That is the part I can joke about now because once you can say it out loud, it stops"}, {"start": 168.26, "end": 169.62, "text": "owning the room."}, {"start": 169.62, "end": 170.9, "text": "It can still sit there."}, {"start": 170.9, "end": 173.62, "text": "It can have a chair but it does not get the remote."}, {"start": 173.62, "end": 175.74, "text": "That is why I like comedy."}, {"start": 175.74, "end": 179.98, "text": "Comedy lets you walk into the worst room in your life, flip the light on and say, wow,"}, {"start": 179.98, "end": 184.54, "text": "this place needs a deep clean and luckily I own a cleaning business."}, {"start": 184.54, "end": 187.42, "text": "So yes, colors of my pain is personal."}, {"start": 187.42, "end": 188.58, "text": "It is honest."}, {"start": 188.58, "end": 189.78, "text": "It is messy."}, {"start": 189.78, "end": 194.26, "text": "But if I am going to drag my pain into public, I am at least making it work."}, {"start": 194.26, "end": 195.66, "text": "It can hold the mic."}, {"start": 195.66, "end": 197.62, "text": "It can carry the merch box."}, {"start": 197.62, "end": 199.54, "text": "It can help me build bond."}, {"start": 199.54, "end": 200.54, "text": "App."}, {"start": 200.54, "end": 203.78, "text": "Because after 50 years I finally realized something."}, {"start": 203.78, "end": 206.82, "text": "If pain is going to live in my house, it is paying rent."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nI found out later in life that pain does not leave. It organizes. Mine did not heal. Mine opened a little office in my chest, got a filing cabinet and started keeping records. That is basically what colors of my pain is. It is me finding the receipt drawer and going, okay, apparently we kept everything. I am in my 50s now so I do not have trauma anymore. I have inventory. Young people say I am processing. At my age processing means I am standing in the garage at midnight holding one extension cord trying to remember why I walked out there while my childhood quietly updates the spreadsheet. And the worst part is I built a whole four colors system around it. That is how you know you are read. You do not just have feelings. You turn feelings into a framework, a website, a coaching brand and three folders named Final, Final 2 and Real Final. Some people study pain, blue people adapt around pain, yellow people hug the pain and ask if it needs anything. Red people look at pain and say, who authorize this? That is me. I do not cry first. I do a threat assessment. If sadness shows up at my door, I am not saying come in, let us talk. I am saying do you have an appointment and why are you blocking the driveway? That is probably why bombed. App makes sense to me. I made an app that judges jokes because apparently I was tired of being the only thing in my life with an opinion. Bombed. App looks at a joke and says, set up week, punchline late, rewrite needed. I look at my memories the same way. Set up week, childhood confusing. Punchline arrived 30 years late, rewrite potential high. That is the whole memoir right there. People think a memoir means you sit in a window with tea and forgive everybody. No, my memoir is more like a mechanic looking under the hood and saying, well, here is your problem. I am not even mad about it anymore. I am impressed it still runs because I built businesses with that engine. I clean houses with that engine. I raised channels, made videos, studied people, built websites, chased bills, fixed machines, answered leads and still somehow convinced myself I was behind. That is a very red kind of broken. A yellow gets tired and says, I need rest. A green gets tired and says, I need data. A blue gets tired and becomes whoever the room needs. A red gets tired and starts another company because apparently sleep is for people with less vision and better insurance. I used to think strength meant never cracking. Now I think strength is knowing exactly where you cracked, labeling it correctly and still showing up without making everybody else step around the broken glass. That is the part I can joke about now because once you can say it out loud, it stops owning the room. It can still sit there. It can have a chair but it does not get the remote. That is why I like comedy. Comedy lets you walk into the worst room in your life, flip the light on and say, wow, this place needs a deep clean and luckily I own a cleaning business. So yes, colors of my pain is personal. It is honest. It is messy. But if I am going to drag my pain into public, I am at least making it work. It can hold the mic. It can carry the merch box. It can help me build bond. App. Because after 50 years I finally realized something. If pain is going to live in my house, it is paying rent.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}