{"file": "audio/story-vault/A254_the-old-me-wants-a-callback.mp3", "duration_sec": 260.7, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 4.7, "text": "I have been working on colors of my pain, which is a risky title when you are also a man"}, {"start": 4.7, "end": 8.1, "text": "in his 50s with cleaning supplies in the car."}, {"start": 8.1, "end": 11.54, "text": "People hear colors of my pain and think it is going to be deep."}, {"start": 11.54, "end": 12.7, "text": "It is deep."}, {"start": 12.7, "end": 17.86, "text": "But it is also me standing in a client's kitchen at 7 in the morning, holding a mop, realizing"}, {"start": 17.86, "end": 23.14, "text": "my childhood trauma has the same energy as a stainless steel refrigerator."}, {"start": 23.14, "end": 25.42, "text": "It looks clean from across the room."}, {"start": 25.42, "end": 29.86, "text": "Then you get close and go, oh no, there are fingerprints all over this thing."}, {"start": 29.86, "end": 31.42, "text": "It is healing in your 50s."}, {"start": 31.42, "end": 32.54, "text": "You do not have a breakthrough."}, {"start": 32.54, "end": 34.0, "text": "You find residue."}, {"start": 34.0, "end": 38.04, "text": "When I was younger, I thought pain was dramatic, thunder, rain."}, {"start": 38.04, "end": 41.58, "text": "A man staring out a window now pain is practical."}, {"start": 41.58, "end": 43.66, "text": "Pain is a calendar reminder."}, {"start": 43.66, "end": 48.02, "text": "Pain is a note on your phone that says, call that person back and your whole nervous system"}, {"start": 48.02, "end": 52.14, "text": "says, absolutely not, we are starting another business instead."}, {"start": 52.14, "end": 53.74, "text": "That is why I built bombed."}, {"start": 53.74, "end": 54.74, "text": "App."}, {"start": 54.74, "end": 59.1, "text": "I needed an app that could score jokes because apparently life scoring my decisions in real"}, {"start": 59.1, "end": 61.78, "text": "time was not humiliating enough."}, {"start": 61.78, "end": 63.98, "text": "Life already had me at a 43."}, {"start": 63.98, "end": 64.98, "text": "Bombed."}, {"start": 64.98, "end": 67.74, "text": "App looked at me and said, set up economy needs work."}, {"start": 67.74, "end": 71.38, "text": "I said my entire childhood had set up economy issues."}, {"start": 71.38, "end": 73.54, "text": "There were scenes in there that could have been cut."}, {"start": 73.54, "end": 78.02, "text": "And the four colors system makes it worse because now I can diagnose the committee inside"}, {"start": 78.02, "end": 79.34, "text": "my own head."}, {"start": 79.34, "end": 81.42, "text": "My red says we are fine."}, {"start": 81.42, "end": 82.42, "text": "Lock the doors."}, {"start": 82.42, "end": 83.7, "text": "Build the empire."}, {"start": 83.7, "end": 87.46, "text": "My green says before we feel anything, I would like to review the data."}, {"start": 87.46, "end": 91.58, "text": "My blue says maybe we can turn the pain into a brand everybody likes."}, {"start": 91.58, "end": 94.02, "text": "My yellow says can we hug the pain."}, {"start": 94.02, "end": 96.34, "text": "Red says no but we can invoice it."}, {"start": 96.34, "end": 98.34, "text": "That is my healing process."}, {"start": 98.34, "end": 99.58, "text": "Other people journal."}, {"start": 99.58, "end": 104.1, "text": "I monetize the wound and then complain the wound has administrative fees."}, {"start": 104.1, "end": 106.66, "text": "My memoir needs a project manager."}, {"start": 106.66, "end": 109.94, "text": "Every chapter shows up late with a coffee and an attitude."}, {"start": 109.94, "end": 113.78, "text": "Chapter one says, remember when you learn to survive by reading the room."}, {"start": 113.78, "end": 116.66, "text": "I say yes I turn that into four colors."}, {"start": 116.66, "end": 117.66, "text": "You're welcome."}, {"start": 117.66, "end": 121.42, "text": "Chapter two says remember when you thought being useful would keep you safe."}, {"start": 121.42, "end": 126.58, "text": "I say yes now I own a cleaning business, a comedy app and enough AI tools to make a spaceship"}, {"start": 126.58, "end": 127.86, "text": "nervous."}, {"start": 127.86, "end": 131.3, "text": "Chapter three says remember when you avoided asking for help."}, {"start": 131.3, "end": 134.14, "text": "I say I do not avoid asking for help."}, {"start": 134.14, "end": 136.78, "text": "I built six bots and named one Hermes."}, {"start": 136.78, "end": 138.34, "text": "That is not avoidance."}, {"start": 138.34, "end": 141.14, "text": "That is outsourcing vulnerability to a machine."}, {"start": 141.14, "end": 143.1, "text": "The old me keeps wanting a call back."}, {"start": 143.1, "end": 144.86, "text": "He shows up at the worst times."}, {"start": 144.86, "end": 148.86, "text": "I will be about to make money, about to close a deal, about to post the video and the old"}, {"start": 148.86, "end": 150.1, "text": "me knocks."}, {"start": 150.1, "end": 152.82, "text": "He says are we sure we are allowed to be seen?"}, {"start": 152.82, "end": 157.34, "text": "That is a nasty little question because a red personality does not want to admit that"}, {"start": 157.34, "end": 158.82, "text": "question exists."}, {"start": 158.82, "end": 161.78, "text": "A red wants to walk in like I was born ready."}, {"start": 161.78, "end": 163.62, "text": "No, I was born alert."}, {"start": 163.62, "end": 165.1, "text": "There is a difference."}, {"start": 165.1, "end": 166.9, "text": "Ready means you prepared."}, {"start": 166.9, "end": 171.62, "text": "Alert means your nervous system has been subscribed to premium surveillance since childhood."}, {"start": 171.62, "end": 173.78, "text": "It is why I trust cleaning houses."}, {"start": 173.78, "end": 175.98, "text": "A house tells the truth immediately."}, {"start": 175.98, "end": 178.58, "text": "A house does not say I am doing great."}, {"start": 178.58, "end": 181.34, "text": "A house says the baseboards have been neglected."}, {"start": 181.34, "end": 186.82, "text": "The microwave is lying and someone has been using the guest room as a felony storage unit."}, {"start": 186.82, "end": 187.82, "text": "People hide."}, {"start": 187.82, "end": 189.46, "text": "Houses confess."}, {"start": 189.46, "end": 191.14, "text": "My past is the same way."}, {"start": 191.14, "end": 193.18, "text": "It does not sit me down gently."}, {"start": 193.18, "end": 196.78, "text": "It leaves crumbs under the couch and waits for me to move furniture."}, {"start": 196.78, "end": 198.7, "text": "Then I find it and go."}, {"start": 198.7, "end": 200.94, "text": "That is why I hate waiting rooms."}, {"start": 200.94, "end": 204.42, "text": "That is why I get tense when someone says quick question."}, {"start": 204.42, "end": 209.34, "text": "That is why my brain hears relaxation and immediately asks what broke."}, {"start": 209.34, "end": 213.98, "text": "The older I get, the more I realize healing is not becoming soft."}, {"start": 213.98, "end": 217.86, "text": "Healing is becoming honest without letting honesty turn into an excuse."}, {"start": 217.86, "end": 220.38, "text": "You can know your wound and still make the call."}, {"start": 220.38, "end": 223.14, "text": "You can understand your color and still do the work."}, {"start": 223.14, "end": 225.06, "text": "You can be red and still pause."}, {"start": 225.06, "end": 227.14, "text": "You can be green and still move."}, {"start": 227.14, "end": 229.42, "text": "You can be blue and still tell the truth."}, {"start": 229.42, "end": 231.94, "text": "You can be yellow and still have boundaries."}, {"start": 231.94, "end": 236.46, "text": "The old me still wants a call back but I am learning not every old version of me gets"}, {"start": 236.46, "end": 237.94, "text": "the microphone."}, {"start": 237.94, "end": 239.82, "text": "Some of them can sit in the back."}, {"start": 239.82, "end": 241.66, "text": "Some of them can watch the show."}, {"start": 241.66, "end": 246.26, "text": "And some of them need to be turned into a stand-up bit rendered by Kakoro, judged by"}, {"start": 246.26, "end": 247.26, "text": "bombed."}, {"start": 247.26, "end": 253.98, "text": "App and filed under colors of my pain like a man who finally found a productive use for overthinking."}, {"start": 253.98, "end": 255.26, "text": "That is growth."}, {"start": 255.26, "end": 256.62, "text": "It is not pretty."}, {"start": 256.62, "end": 258.14, "text": "It is not quiet."}, {"start": 258.14, "end": 260.62, "text": "It pays better than pretending nothing happened."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nI have been working on colors of my pain, which is a risky title when you are also a man in his 50s with cleaning supplies in the car. People hear colors of my pain and think it is going to be deep. It is deep. But it is also me standing in a client's kitchen at 7 in the morning, holding a mop, realizing my childhood trauma has the same energy as a stainless steel refrigerator. It looks clean from across the room. Then you get close and go, oh no, there are fingerprints all over this thing. It is healing in your 50s. You do not have a breakthrough. You find residue. When I was younger, I thought pain was dramatic, thunder, rain. A man staring out a window now pain is practical. Pain is a calendar reminder. Pain is a note on your phone that says, call that person back and your whole nervous system says, absolutely not, we are starting another business instead. That is why I built bombed. App. I needed an app that could score jokes because apparently life scoring my decisions in real time was not humiliating enough. Life already had me at a 43. Bombed. App looked at me and said, set up economy needs work. I said my entire childhood had set up economy issues. There were scenes in there that could have been cut. And the four colors system makes it worse because now I can diagnose the committee inside my own head. My red says we are fine. Lock the doors. Build the empire. My green says before we feel anything, I would like to review the data. My blue says maybe we can turn the pain into a brand everybody likes. My yellow says can we hug the pain. Red says no but we can invoice it. That is my healing process. Other people journal. I monetize the wound and then complain the wound has administrative fees. My memoir needs a project manager. Every chapter shows up late with a coffee and an attitude. Chapter one says, remember when you learn to survive by reading the room. I say yes I turn that into four colors. You're welcome. Chapter two says remember when you thought being useful would keep you safe. I say yes now I own a cleaning business, a comedy app and enough AI tools to make a spaceship nervous. Chapter three says remember when you avoided asking for help. I say I do not avoid asking for help. I built six bots and named one Hermes. That is not avoidance. That is outsourcing vulnerability to a machine. The old me keeps wanting a call back. He shows up at the worst times. I will be about to make money, about to close a deal, about to post the video and the old me knocks. He says are we sure we are allowed to be seen? That is a nasty little question because a red personality does not want to admit that question exists. A red wants to walk in like I was born ready. No, I was born alert. There is a difference. Ready means you prepared. Alert means your nervous system has been subscribed to premium surveillance since childhood. It is why I trust cleaning houses. A house tells the truth immediately. A house does not say I am doing great. A house says the baseboards have been neglected. The microwave is lying and someone has been using the guest room as a felony storage unit. People hide. Houses confess. My past is the same way. It does not sit me down gently. It leaves crumbs under the couch and waits for me to move furniture. Then I find it and go. That is why I hate waiting rooms. That is why I get tense when someone says quick question. That is why my brain hears relaxation and immediately asks what broke. The older I get, the more I realize healing is not becoming soft. Healing is becoming honest without letting honesty turn into an excuse. You can know your wound and still make the call. You can understand your color and still do the work. You can be red and still pause. You can be green and still move. You can be blue and still tell the truth. You can be yellow and still have boundaries. The old me still wants a call back but I am learning not every old version of me gets the microphone. Some of them can sit in the back. Some of them can watch the show. And some of them need to be turned into a stand-up bit rendered by Kakoro, judged by bombed. App and filed under colors of my pain like a man who finally found a productive use for overthinking. That is growth. It is not pretty. It is not quiet. It pays better than pretending nothing happened.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}