{"file": "audio/story-vault/A234_my-past-needs-a-time-clock.mp3", "duration_sec": 223.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 4.08, "text": "I am at the age now where my past does not visit me emotionally."}, {"start": 4.08, "end": 7.12, "text": "It shows up like an employee who forgot to clock out."}, {"start": 7.12, "end": 12.16, "text": "I will be having a normal day trying to run affordable pro cleaners build bombed."}, {"start": 12.16, "end": 16.62, "text": "App fix a website, answer a client, and suddenly here comes an old memory walking in with"}, {"start": 16.62, "end": 17.62, "text": "a clipboard."}, {"start": 17.62, "end": 19.56, "text": "Hey, Jesse, remember this?"}, {"start": 19.56, "end": 21.48, "text": "No, I have meetings."}, {"start": 21.48, "end": 23.58, "text": "The memory says we are not asking."}, {"start": 23.58, "end": 24.8, "text": "We are payroll."}, {"start": 24.8, "end": 27.2, "text": "That is what colors of my pain really is."}, {"start": 27.2, "end": 28.86, "text": "It is not just a memoir."}, {"start": 28.86, "end": 32.86, "text": "It is me looking at my life and realizing every chapter has been building me monthly"}, {"start": 32.86, "end": 35.06, "text": "with no itemized receipt."}, {"start": 35.06, "end": 36.98, "text": "I grew up thinking I was tough."}, {"start": 36.98, "end": 42.52, "text": "Turns out I was just red in the four colors system with bad Wi-Fi and no pause button."}, {"start": 42.52, "end": 44.66, "text": "Red does not process pain."}, {"start": 44.66, "end": 50.06, "text": "Red puts it in a storage unit, pays late fees for 30 years, then acts surprised when the"}, {"start": 50.06, "end": 52.82, "text": "unit gets auctioned on a Tuesday."}, {"start": 52.82, "end": 54.18, "text": "Green wants to analyze it."}, {"start": 54.18, "end": 56.78, "text": "Blue wants to make sure everybody is okay."}, {"start": 56.78, "end": 58.38, "text": "Yellow wants to hug it."}, {"start": 58.38, "end": 61.38, "text": "Red wants to power wash it and get paid by three."}, {"start": 61.38, "end": 63.34, "text": "That is why I love cleaning houses."}, {"start": 63.34, "end": 64.82, "text": "A house is honest."}, {"start": 64.82, "end": 67.3, "text": "You walk in and the floor tells you what happened."}, {"start": 67.3, "end": 68.98, "text": "The sink has testimony."}, {"start": 68.98, "end": 70.94, "text": "The baseboards are under oath."}, {"start": 70.94, "end": 73.22, "text": "My life was like that too."}, {"start": 73.22, "end": 76.9, "text": "Everybody wants to talk about healing like it is candles and music."}, {"start": 76.9, "end": 80.38, "text": "My healing came with a mop bucket and a business license."}, {"start": 80.38, "end": 83.46, "text": "I do not sit there and say, tell me about your feelings."}, {"start": 83.46, "end": 87.74, "text": "I say, where is the leak who tracked this in and why is there glitter in a grown man's"}, {"start": 87.74, "end": 90.7, "text": "drawer that is my spiritual practice?"}, {"start": 90.7, "end": 92.94, "text": "And now I am building bombed."}, {"start": 92.94, "end": 97.34, "text": "App which is hilarious because nothing says emotional growth like creating an AI that"}, {"start": 97.34, "end": 101.94, "text": "grades your jokes while your childhood stands in the corner with crossed arms."}, {"start": 101.94, "end": 102.94, "text": "Bombed."}, {"start": 102.94, "end": 107.94, "text": "App looks at my bid and says, this has promise but the punchline needs more tension."}, {"start": 107.94, "end": 109.14, "text": "I am like buddy."}, {"start": 109.14, "end": 110.9, "text": "My whole life has tension."}, {"start": 110.9, "end": 116.78, "text": "I have tension in my knees, my taxes, my inbox and one conversation from 1987 that still"}, {"start": 116.78, "end": 118.26, "text": "wants a call back."}, {"start": 118.26, "end": 120.22, "text": "The app says, make it tighter."}, {"start": 120.22, "end": 122.22, "text": "That is insulting from software."}, {"start": 122.22, "end": 126.26, "text": "I have been making it tighter since Reagan was president but I get it."}, {"start": 126.26, "end": 130.74, "text": "Comedy is the only place where pain finally has to clock in and be useful."}, {"start": 130.74, "end": 133.26, "text": "Pain by itself is expensive."}, {"start": 133.26, "end": 135.26, "text": "Pain with timing can pay rent."}, {"start": 135.26, "end": 136.66, "text": "That is the part people miss."}, {"start": 136.66, "end": 139.5, "text": "I am not trying to be inspirational."}, {"start": 139.5, "end": 140.74, "text": "Inspirational makes me itch."}, {"start": 140.74, "end": 143.74, "text": "I am trying to be practical if something hurt me fine."}, {"start": 143.74, "end": 145.78, "text": "We are not pretending it did not."}, {"start": 145.78, "end": 148.3, "text": "But it is not going to sit in my house for free."}, {"start": 148.3, "end": 152.62, "text": "It can become a joke, a lesson, a course, a clip, a chapter or a warning label for the"}, {"start": 152.62, "end": 157.9, "text": "next Red Who Think Speed is the same thing as healing because Red will do that."}, {"start": 157.9, "end": 163.38, "text": "Red will say, I am over it while building four businesses, three websites and AI factory"}, {"start": 163.38, "end": 168.38, "text": "and a content calendar before breakfast that is not over it, that is trauma with a project"}, {"start": 168.38, "end": 169.98, "text": "management dashboard."}, {"start": 169.98, "end": 174.46, "text": "I know because I made the dashboard and the worst part is it works just enough to keep"}, {"start": 174.46, "end": 175.46, "text": "me encouraged."}, {"start": 175.46, "end": 178.62, "text": "I will say I am not avoiding my feelings."}, {"start": 178.62, "end": 181.18, "text": "I am monetizing the surrounding area."}, {"start": 181.18, "end": 185.02, "text": "That sounds unhealthy until you remember I am 50 something."}, {"start": 185.02, "end": 189.5, "text": "At this age, healthy is drinking water and not yelling at a printer."}, {"start": 189.5, "end": 192.94, "text": "So when I say colors of my pain, I mean it literally."}, {"start": 192.94, "end": 194.42, "text": "The red in me protected me."}, {"start": 194.42, "end": 196.46, "text": "The green in me studied everything."}, {"start": 196.46, "end": 198.7, "text": "The blue in me learned how to read a room."}, {"start": 198.7, "end": 201.9, "text": "The yellow in me kept hoping people were better than they were."}, {"start": 201.9, "end": 205.98, "text": "The grown man in me finally said, all right, everybody clock in."}, {"start": 205.98, "end": 207.94, "text": "We are turning this into material."}, {"start": 207.94, "end": 209.38, "text": "That is the deal now."}, {"start": 209.38, "end": 210.54, "text": "My past can visit."}, {"start": 210.54, "end": 212.14, "text": "It can bring paperwork."}, {"start": 212.14, "end": 213.9, "text": "It can even have an opinion."}, {"start": 213.9, "end": 217.74, "text": "But it better be funny, searchable and under four minutes because bombed."}, {"start": 217.74, "end": 219.26, "text": "App is watching."}, {"start": 219.26, "end": 222.9, "text": "Four colors is taking notes and I have a cleaning estimate at two."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nI am at the age now where my past does not visit me emotionally. It shows up like an employee who forgot to clock out. I will be having a normal day trying to run affordable pro cleaners build bombed. App fix a website, answer a client, and suddenly here comes an old memory walking in with a clipboard. Hey, Jesse, remember this? No, I have meetings. The memory says we are not asking. We are payroll. That is what colors of my pain really is. It is not just a memoir. It is me looking at my life and realizing every chapter has been building me monthly with no itemized receipt. I grew up thinking I was tough. Turns out I was just red in the four colors system with bad Wi-Fi and no pause button. Red does not process pain. Red puts it in a storage unit, pays late fees for 30 years, then acts surprised when the unit gets auctioned on a Tuesday. Green wants to analyze it. Blue wants to make sure everybody is okay. Yellow wants to hug it. Red wants to power wash it and get paid by three. That is why I love cleaning houses. A house is honest. You walk in and the floor tells you what happened. The sink has testimony. The baseboards are under oath. My life was like that too. Everybody wants to talk about healing like it is candles and music. My healing came with a mop bucket and a business license. I do not sit there and say, tell me about your feelings. I say, where is the leak who tracked this in and why is there glitter in a grown man's drawer that is my spiritual practice? And now I am building bombed. App which is hilarious because nothing says emotional growth like creating an AI that grades your jokes while your childhood stands in the corner with crossed arms. Bombed. App looks at my bid and says, this has promise but the punchline needs more tension. I am like buddy. My whole life has tension. I have tension in my knees, my taxes, my inbox and one conversation from 1987 that still wants a call back. The app says, make it tighter. That is insulting from software. I have been making it tighter since Reagan was president but I get it. Comedy is the only place where pain finally has to clock in and be useful. Pain by itself is expensive. Pain with timing can pay rent. That is the part people miss. I am not trying to be inspirational. Inspirational makes me itch. I am trying to be practical if something hurt me fine. We are not pretending it did not. But it is not going to sit in my house for free. It can become a joke, a lesson, a course, a clip, a chapter or a warning label for the next Red Who Think Speed is the same thing as healing because Red will do that. Red will say, I am over it while building four businesses, three websites and AI factory and a content calendar before breakfast that is not over it, that is trauma with a project management dashboard. I know because I made the dashboard and the worst part is it works just enough to keep me encouraged. I will say I am not avoiding my feelings. I am monetizing the surrounding area. That sounds unhealthy until you remember I am 50 something. At this age, healthy is drinking water and not yelling at a printer. So when I say colors of my pain, I mean it literally. The red in me protected me. The green in me studied everything. The blue in me learned how to read a room. The yellow in me kept hoping people were better than they were. The grown man in me finally said, all right, everybody clock in. We are turning this into material. That is the deal now. My past can visit. It can bring paperwork. It can even have an opinion. But it better be funny, searchable and under four minutes because bombed. App is watching. Four colors is taking notes and I have a cleaning estimate at two.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}