{"file": "audio/story-vault/A211_bombed-app-gave-my-ideas-a-speed-trap.mp3", "duration_sec": 190.1, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 3.92, "text": "bombed, app gave my ideas a speed trap I built bombed."}, {"start": 3.92, "end": 6.72, "text": "App to help comedians find out why their jokes fail."}, {"start": 6.72, "end": 7.88, "text": "That was the plan."}, {"start": 7.88, "end": 9.72, "text": "Nice clean business idea."}, {"start": 9.72, "end": 11.84, "text": "Put in a joke, get a score, get a rewrite,"}, {"start": 11.84, "end": 13.28, "text": "make better comedy."}, {"start": 13.28, "end": 14.84, "text": "Then the app looked back at me and said,"}, {"start": 14.84, "end": 17.2, "text": "Jesse, you first, that is rude."}, {"start": 17.2, "end": 20.44, "text": "I did not build AI so it could become my stepdad."}, {"start": 20.44, "end": 21.4, "text": "Bombed."}, {"start": 21.4, "end": 23.12, "text": "App is supposed to judge jokes,"}, {"start": 23.12, "end": 25.36, "text": "but now every idea I have walks past it"}, {"start": 25.36, "end": 27.68, "text": "like it is going through airport security."}, {"start": 27.68, "end": 29.72, "text": "New website idea bombed."}, {"start": 29.72, "end": 32.08, "text": "App says premise strength six out of 20."}, {"start": 32.08, "end": 34.4, "text": "New product set up economy week."}, {"start": 34.4, "end": 36.16, "text": "New business plan at midnight."}, {"start": 36.16, "end": 37.64, "text": "Re-write potential is high,"}, {"start": 37.64, "end": 40.8, "text": "but act out is just a tired man opening 12 tabs"}, {"start": 40.8, "end": 42.8, "text": "and pretending that is a strategy."}, {"start": 42.8, "end": 46.08, "text": "That is the danger of building AI around truth."}, {"start": 46.08, "end": 48.52, "text": "Eventually it starts living in the house."}, {"start": 48.52, "end": 51.32, "text": "I have a DGX Spark, a supercomputer,"}, {"start": 51.32, "end": 53.2, "text": "sitting there like Mission Control."}, {"start": 53.2, "end": 55.0, "text": "Most people would use that much machine"}, {"start": 55.0, "end": 57.36, "text": "to cure disease or predict weather."}, {"start": 57.36, "end": 60.0, "text": "I use it to ask is this punchline lazy"}, {"start": 60.0, "end": 61.88, "text": "that is where I am at in life."}, {"start": 61.88, "end": 63.8, "text": "50 years old cleaning houses,"}, {"start": 63.8, "end": 66.28, "text": "building comedy apps, writing memoir material"}, {"start": 66.28, "end": 68.4, "text": "and arguing with a machine about whether my pain"}, {"start": 68.4, "end": 71.32, "text": "has enough tags and the machine is honest,"}, {"start": 71.32, "end": 74.2, "text": "too honest, human friends soften it."}, {"start": 74.2, "end": 76.92, "text": "AI does not soften anything unless you tell it"}, {"start": 76.92, "end": 78.8, "text": "to be warm and supportive."}, {"start": 78.8, "end": 81.24, "text": "If you forget, talks like a DMV clerk"}, {"start": 81.24, "end": 82.6, "text": "with a poetry degree."}, {"start": 82.6, "end": 85.04, "text": "It says this joke has emotional potential"}, {"start": 85.04, "end": 86.72, "text": "but lacks a clean turn."}, {"start": 86.72, "end": 88.8, "text": "So I was just trying to make fun of my knees,"}, {"start": 88.8, "end": 92.2, "text": "but I need it because my red personality moves too fast."}, {"start": 92.2, "end": 93.8, "text": "Red hears one decent idea"}, {"start": 93.8, "end": 95.52, "text": "and starts building a factory around it"}, {"start": 95.52, "end": 98.28, "text": "before green has checked if anybody wants to buy it."}, {"start": 98.28, "end": 100.52, "text": "Bombed, app is my speed trap."}, {"start": 100.52, "end": 102.4, "text": "It says slow down comic."}, {"start": 102.4, "end": 103.56, "text": "Where is the setup?"}, {"start": 103.56, "end": 104.64, "text": "Where is the turn?"}, {"start": 104.64, "end": 105.68, "text": "Who is the target?"}, {"start": 105.68, "end": 106.6, "text": "Is it you?"}, {"start": 106.6, "end": 107.76, "text": "Good, stay there."}, {"start": 107.76, "end": 111.04, "text": "That is the rule I keep learning, roast yourself first."}, {"start": 111.04, "end": 112.68, "text": "I can make fun of the cleaning business,"}, {"start": 112.68, "end": 116.0, "text": "the customers, the websites, the AI, the car, the pressure."}, {"start": 116.0, "end": 118.16, "text": "But the funniest target is still me pretending"}, {"start": 118.16, "end": 120.52, "text": "I have everything organized while my desktop"}, {"start": 120.52, "end": 123.32, "text": "looks like a garage sale had anxiety."}, {"start": 123.32, "end": 126.2, "text": "I have folders named final, final two,"}, {"start": 126.2, "end": 129.76, "text": "use this final, real final and one called do not touch"}, {"start": 129.76, "end": 131.6, "text": "which means I will absolutely touch it"}, {"start": 131.6, "end": 132.96, "text": "a two in the morning."}, {"start": 132.96, "end": 135.12, "text": "Then bombed, app scores me."}, {"start": 135.12, "end": 136.88, "text": "It says your idea survived"}, {"start": 136.88, "end": 139.68, "text": "but it did not kill that hurts because it is true."}, {"start": 139.68, "end": 142.0, "text": "Survived is most of my business history."}, {"start": 142.0, "end": 143.6, "text": "I survived photography."}, {"start": 143.6, "end": 145.08, "text": "I survived cleaning."}, {"start": 145.08, "end": 147.04, "text": "I survived AI tools."}, {"start": 147.04, "end": 149.08, "text": "I survived my own decision making"}, {"start": 149.08, "end": 151.96, "text": "which deserves a medal and possibly supervision."}, {"start": 151.96, "end": 154.12, "text": "But that is why I like comedy."}, {"start": 154.12, "end": 156.88, "text": "Comedy turns survival into inventory."}, {"start": 156.88, "end": 158.8, "text": "Every bad day becomes a premise."}, {"start": 158.8, "end": 161.04, "text": "Every panic becomes a punch line."}, {"start": 161.04, "end": 163.08, "text": "Every failed app idea becomes a bit"}, {"start": 163.08, "end": 165.52, "text": "where the supercomputer asks for transfer."}, {"start": 165.52, "end": 167.08, "text": "So yes, bombed."}, {"start": 167.08, "end": 168.52, "text": "App judges me now."}, {"start": 168.52, "end": 170.52, "text": "Fine, somebody has to."}, {"start": 170.52, "end": 173.16, "text": "Because if I can teach a machine to find the weak spot"}, {"start": 173.16, "end": 175.92, "text": "in a joke, maybe it can help me find the weak spot"}, {"start": 175.92, "end": 176.92, "text": "in the day."}, {"start": 176.92, "end": 179.16, "text": "And usually the weak spot is me saying,"}, {"start": 179.16, "end": 182.04, "text": "I will just build one more thing before I sell the thing"}, {"start": 182.04, "end": 183.48, "text": "I already built."}, {"start": 183.48, "end": 185.0, "text": "That is not a business plan."}, {"start": 185.0, "end": 188.88, "text": "That is a red personality trying to outrun accountability"}, {"start": 188.88, "end": 190.2, "text": "with better Wi-Fi."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nbombed, app gave my ideas a speed trap I built bombed. App to help comedians find out why their jokes fail. That was the plan. Nice clean business idea. Put in a joke, get a score, get a rewrite, make better comedy. Then the app looked back at me and said, Jesse, you first, that is rude. I did not build AI so it could become my stepdad. Bombed. App is supposed to judge jokes, but now every idea I have walks past it like it is going through airport security. New website idea bombed. App says premise strength six out of 20. New product set up economy week. New business plan at midnight. Re-write potential is high, but act out is just a tired man opening 12 tabs and pretending that is a strategy. That is the danger of building AI around truth. Eventually it starts living in the house. I have a DGX Spark, a supercomputer, sitting there like Mission Control. Most people would use that much machine to cure disease or predict weather. I use it to ask is this punchline lazy that is where I am at in life. 50 years old cleaning houses, building comedy apps, writing memoir material and arguing with a machine about whether my pain has enough tags and the machine is honest, too honest, human friends soften it. AI does not soften anything unless you tell it to be warm and supportive. If you forget, talks like a DMV clerk with a poetry degree. It says this joke has emotional potential but lacks a clean turn. So I was just trying to make fun of my knees, but I need it because my red personality moves too fast. Red hears one decent idea and starts building a factory around it before green has checked if anybody wants to buy it. Bombed, app is my speed trap. It says slow down comic. Where is the setup? Where is the turn? Who is the target? Is it you? Good, stay there. That is the rule I keep learning, roast yourself first. I can make fun of the cleaning business, the customers, the websites, the AI, the car, the pressure. But the funniest target is still me pretending I have everything organized while my desktop looks like a garage sale had anxiety. I have folders named final, final two, use this final, real final and one called do not touch which means I will absolutely touch it a two in the morning. Then bombed, app scores me. It says your idea survived but it did not kill that hurts because it is true. Survived is most of my business history. I survived photography. I survived cleaning. I survived AI tools. I survived my own decision making which deserves a medal and possibly supervision. But that is why I like comedy. Comedy turns survival into inventory. Every bad day becomes a premise. Every panic becomes a punch line. Every failed app idea becomes a bit where the supercomputer asks for transfer. So yes, bombed. App judges me now. Fine, somebody has to. Because if I can teach a machine to find the weak spot in a joke, maybe it can help me find the weak spot in the day. And usually the weak spot is me saying, I will just build one more thing before I sell the thing I already built. That is not a business plan. That is a red personality trying to outrun accountability with better Wi-Fi.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}