{"file": "audio/story-vault/A20_my-memoir-has-too-many-receipts.mp3", "duration_sec": 179.4, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 4.96, "text": "My memoir has too many receipts I wrote colors of my pain, which is a beautiful title,"}, {"start": 4.96, "end": 6.52, "text": "but also a warning."}, {"start": 6.52, "end": 10.72, "text": "It means this book is not going to be three pages about how I learned yoga and forgave"}, {"start": 10.72, "end": 11.72, "text": "traffic."}, {"start": 11.72, "end": 12.72, "text": "No."}, {"start": 12.72, "end": 15.52, "text": "This is 50 years of receipts with chapter titles."}, {"start": 15.52, "end": 19.56, "text": "Writing a memoir is strange because you think you are telling your story, but really you"}, {"start": 19.56, "end": 23.92, "text": "are opening every drawer in your head and realizing nothing was folded."}, {"start": 23.92, "end": 27.12, "text": "I sat down like, I am going to write my truth."}, {"start": 27.12, "end": 29.56, "text": "My truth said cool, we have boxes."}, {"start": 29.56, "end": 31.64, "text": "That is the part nobody tells you."}, {"start": 31.64, "end": 33.56, "text": "Pain does not arrive organized."}, {"start": 33.56, "end": 36.4, "text": "It shows up like a storage unit after a divorce."}, {"start": 36.4, "end": 40.96, "text": "You open one memory and twelve other memories fall out wearing old cologne, and I am trying"}, {"start": 40.96, "end": 42.36, "text": "to make art out of it."}, {"start": 42.36, "end": 44.28, "text": "That is where comedy helps."}, {"start": 44.28, "end": 47.12, "text": "Comedy lets you hold pain without letting it drive."}, {"start": 47.12, "end": 51.56, "text": "Because if you let pain drive, it runs every red light, blames your childhood and still"}, {"start": 51.56, "end": 52.92, "text": "asks for gas money."}, {"start": 52.92, "end": 56.92, "text": "But if you put pain on stage, suddenly you can look at it from the outside."}, {"start": 56.92, "end": 60.56, "text": "You can say okay that happened, that hurt, that shaped me."}, {"start": 60.56, "end": 62.76, "text": "But also some of this is ridiculous."}, {"start": 62.76, "end": 64.24, "text": "That is my whole life."}, {"start": 64.24, "end": 69.88, "text": "I am out here building websites, cleaning houses, making AI comedy apps, producing audio,"}, {"start": 69.88, "end": 74.4, "text": "writing books, and still trying to explain to myself why I react like a man who was raised"}, {"start": 74.4, "end": 76.72, "text": "by emergency sirens."}, {"start": 76.72, "end": 79.6, "text": "Four colors helped me understand the cast inside me."}, {"start": 79.6, "end": 81.12, "text": "My red says fix it."}, {"start": 81.12, "end": 83.0, "text": "My green says understand it."}, {"start": 83.0, "end": 85.68, "text": "My blue says adapt so nobody leaves."}, {"start": 85.68, "end": 88.48, "text": "My yellow says can we please make this hurt less."}, {"start": 88.48, "end": 93.2, "text": "And my fifty-year-old body says we need ibuprofen and a calendar invite."}, {"start": 93.2, "end": 96.28, "text": "Writing the book made me realize I was not one simple thing."}, {"start": 96.28, "end": 99.28, "text": "I was a whole board meeting with trauma snacks."}, {"start": 99.28, "end": 101.12, "text": "That is why memoir is hard."}, {"start": 101.12, "end": 103.0, "text": "You do not just write what happened."}, {"start": 103.0, "end": 105.4, "text": "You have to write what it cost you, what it taught you."}, {"start": 105.4, "end": 108.92, "text": "And what part of you still answers the phone when the old pain calls."}, {"start": 108.92, "end": 111.24, "text": "And that is where Jesse gets roasted."}, {"start": 111.24, "end": 115.88, "text": "As I can turn pain into a project faster than some people can return a text."}, {"start": 115.88, "end": 120.68, "text": "Bad childhood make a book, business pressure make a website, emotional confusion build"}, {"start": 120.68, "end": 124.88, "text": "a personality system, joke bombed, build bombed, app."}, {"start": 124.88, "end": 126.68, "text": "At some point I am not healing."}, {"start": 126.68, "end": 129.6, "text": "I am opening franchises but I respect it."}, {"start": 129.6, "end": 130.88, "text": "That is how I survived."}, {"start": 130.88, "end": 134.64, "text": "I took the stuff that could have made me bitter and tried to make it useful."}, {"start": 134.64, "end": 136.68, "text": "Sometimes useful means a chapter."}, {"start": 136.68, "end": 138.88, "text": "Sometimes useful means a joke."}, {"start": 138.88, "end": 142.48, "text": "Sometimes useful means telling somebody, hey, you are not crazy."}, {"start": 142.48, "end": 146.0, "text": "You are just carrying an old color that nobody helped you name."}, {"start": 146.0, "end": 148.2, "text": "That is the real reason I wrote it."}, {"start": 148.2, "end": 149.68, "text": "Not to sound deep."}, {"start": 149.68, "end": 150.92, "text": "Not to look tough."}, {"start": 150.92, "end": 155.44, "text": "But because somebody else might be driving around with a chest full of old receipts,"}, {"start": 155.44, "end": 156.8, "text": "thinking they are the only one."}, {"start": 156.8, "end": 157.88, "text": "They are not."}, {"start": 157.88, "end": 162.32, "text": "My memoir has too many receipts because my life had too many transactions."}, {"start": 162.32, "end": 167.8, "text": "Pain took money, time, trust, sleep, years, but I am 50 now and I finally figured out"}, {"start": 167.8, "end": 169.32, "text": "the refund policy."}, {"start": 169.32, "end": 171.08, "text": "You do not get the years back."}, {"start": 171.08, "end": 174.84, "text": "You get the punch line, the lesson, the book, the business, the system and the nerve to"}, {"start": 174.84, "end": 176.64, "text": "say I am still here."}, {"start": 176.64, "end": 179.24, "text": "That is colors of my pain, not pity, proof."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nMy memoir has too many receipts I wrote colors of my pain, which is a beautiful title, but also a warning. It means this book is not going to be three pages about how I learned yoga and forgave traffic. No. This is 50 years of receipts with chapter titles. Writing a memoir is strange because you think you are telling your story, but really you are opening every drawer in your head and realizing nothing was folded. I sat down like, I am going to write my truth. My truth said cool, we have boxes. That is the part nobody tells you. Pain does not arrive organized. It shows up like a storage unit after a divorce. You open one memory and twelve other memories fall out wearing old cologne, and I am trying to make art out of it. That is where comedy helps. Comedy lets you hold pain without letting it drive. Because if you let pain drive, it runs every red light, blames your childhood and still asks for gas money. But if you put pain on stage, suddenly you can look at it from the outside. You can say okay that happened, that hurt, that shaped me. But also some of this is ridiculous. That is my whole life. I am out here building websites, cleaning houses, making AI comedy apps, producing audio, writing books, and still trying to explain to myself why I react like a man who was raised by emergency sirens. Four colors helped me understand the cast inside me. My red says fix it. My green says understand it. My blue says adapt so nobody leaves. My yellow says can we please make this hurt less. And my fifty-year-old body says we need ibuprofen and a calendar invite. Writing the book made me realize I was not one simple thing. I was a whole board meeting with trauma snacks. That is why memoir is hard. You do not just write what happened. You have to write what it cost you, what it taught you. And what part of you still answers the phone when the old pain calls. And that is where Jesse gets roasted. As I can turn pain into a project faster than some people can return a text. Bad childhood make a book, business pressure make a website, emotional confusion build a personality system, joke bombed, build bombed, app. At some point I am not healing. I am opening franchises but I respect it. That is how I survived. I took the stuff that could have made me bitter and tried to make it useful. Sometimes useful means a chapter. Sometimes useful means a joke. Sometimes useful means telling somebody, hey, you are not crazy. You are just carrying an old color that nobody helped you name. That is the real reason I wrote it. Not to sound deep. Not to look tough. But because somebody else might be driving around with a chest full of old receipts, thinking they are the only one. They are not. My memoir has too many receipts because my life had too many transactions. Pain took money, time, trust, sleep, years, but I am 50 now and I finally figured out the refund policy. You do not get the years back. You get the punch line, the lesson, the book, the business, the system and the nerve to say I am still here. That is colors of my pain, not pity, proof.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}