{"file": "audio/story-vault/A201_red-personality-needs-a-warning-label.mp3", "duration_sec": 188.4, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 4.84, "text": "Red personality needs a warning label being a red personality is exhausting because everybody"}, {"start": 4.84, "end": 6.36, "text": "thinks we are angry."}, {"start": 6.36, "end": 8.44, "text": "We are not always angry."}, {"start": 8.44, "end": 10.88, "text": "Sometimes we are just early to the emergency."}, {"start": 10.88, "end": 12.04, "text": "That is my problem."}, {"start": 12.04, "end": 13.44, "text": "My heart is good."}, {"start": 13.44, "end": 17.16, "text": "My delivery sounds like somebody pulled the fire alarm at a bank."}, {"start": 17.16, "end": 20.6, "text": "People will ask me a simple question like, what do you think?"}, {"start": 20.6, "end": 21.96, "text": "That is dangerous."}, {"start": 21.96, "end": 25.64, "text": "Do not ask a red what we think unless you have a helmet and a signed waiver."}, {"start": 25.64, "end": 27.2, "text": "We do not ease into truth."}, {"start": 27.2, "end": 29.44, "text": "We kick the door open and point at the leak."}, {"start": 29.44, "end": 34.16, "text": "I have spent 50 years learning that normal people like a little cushion before reality."}, {"start": 34.16, "end": 36.0, "text": "Red does not come with cushion."}, {"start": 36.0, "end": 38.92, "text": "Red comes with instructions printed on caution tape."}, {"start": 38.92, "end": 40.84, "text": "My blue side tries to help."}, {"start": 40.84, "end": 42.96, "text": "Blue says Jesse read the room."}, {"start": 42.96, "end": 44.12, "text": "Red says I read it."}, {"start": 44.12, "end": 45.76, "text": "That is why I am fixing it."}, {"start": 45.76, "end": 48.16, "text": "Green says maybe gather more data."}, {"start": 48.16, "end": 50.48, "text": "Red says the data is on fire."}, {"start": 50.48, "end": 52.36, "text": "Yellow says maybe start with love."}, {"start": 52.36, "end": 53.56, "text": "Red says I did."}, {"start": 53.56, "end": 54.56, "text": "I came back."}, {"start": 54.56, "end": 55.56, "text": "That is the self-frost."}, {"start": 55.56, "end": 56.56, "text": "I am protective."}, {"start": 56.56, "end": 59.12, "text": "I want people safe, strong and moving."}, {"start": 59.12, "end": 63.4, "text": "My protection sometimes sounds like a repo man with a life coach certificate."}, {"start": 63.4, "end": 67.08, "text": "I can turn a casual conversation into a safety briefing."}, {"start": 67.08, "end": 69.64, "text": "Somebody says I might start a business someday."}, {"start": 69.64, "end": 72.0, "text": "Suddenly I am standing there like good."}, {"start": 72.0, "end": 73.0, "text": "What is the offer?"}, {"start": 73.0, "end": 74.0, "text": "Who is paying?"}, {"start": 74.0, "end": 75.0, "text": "What is the deadline?"}, {"start": 75.0, "end": 76.4, "text": "Where is the lead sheet?"}, {"start": 76.4, "end": 78.84, "text": "And why are you wearing the shoes of a man with no funnel?"}, {"start": 78.84, "end": 81.92, "text": "They just wanted to tell me they bought a domain that is red."}, {"start": 81.92, "end": 85.52, "text": "We hear an idea and immediately start looking for the exit wounds."}, {"start": 85.52, "end": 87.52, "text": "And I roast myself because I know it."}, {"start": 87.52, "end": 90.04, "text": "My personality needs a warning label."}, {"start": 90.04, "end": 94.56, "text": "Contents under pressure may solve problem before emotional processing is complete."}, {"start": 94.56, "end": 98.88, "text": "I am the guy who sees a friend spiraling and says here are the top three actions."}, {"start": 98.88, "end": 100.72, "text": "They say I wanted empathy."}, {"start": 100.72, "end": 103.48, "text": "I say great action one is drink water."}, {"start": 103.48, "end": 107.2, "text": "I am learning slowly, painfully with witnesses."}, {"start": 107.2, "end": 111.6, "text": "And the witnesses are important because red people always think we are being calm."}, {"start": 111.6, "end": 114.0, "text": "That is the funniest lie we tell ourselves."}, {"start": 114.0, "end": 116.56, "text": "I will say I am just explaining."}, {"start": 116.56, "end": 120.16, "text": "No Jesse, you are explaining with emergency lighting."}, {"start": 120.16, "end": 124.56, "text": "I can give advice so fast the other person needs roadside assistance."}, {"start": 124.56, "end": 129.0, "text": "They came to me with a feeling and I handed them a business model, a deadline and three"}, {"start": 129.0, "end": 131.56, "text": "reasons their cousin is slowing them down."}, {"start": 131.56, "end": 134.04, "text": "That is why red has to practice the pause."}, {"start": 134.04, "end": 138.68, "text": "Not because truth is bad, truth is good, but truth without timing is just a hammer looking"}, {"start": 138.68, "end": 139.92, "text": "for furniture."}, {"start": 139.92, "end": 144.16, "text": "I have learned that sometimes the most powerful red move is to shut up for three seconds"}, {"start": 144.16, "end": 146.2, "text": "and let yellow enter the building."}, {"start": 146.2, "end": 150.04, "text": "The four color system saved me because it gave me language for why I keep sounding"}, {"start": 150.04, "end": 155.52, "text": "like a courtroom when I am trying to be a blanket, red protects, green processes, blue"}, {"start": 155.52, "end": 157.6, "text": "adapts, yellow connects."}, {"start": 157.6, "end": 163.12, "text": "And Jesse, Jesse is red with a cleaning business, a comedy app, a memoir, a supercomputer, and"}, {"start": 163.12, "end": 165.04, "text": "no emotional muffler."}, {"start": 165.04, "end": 168.12, "text": "That is why my stand up has to be self-frost first."}, {"start": 168.12, "end": 172.68, "text": "If I do not roast myself, my personality will try to manage the audience."}, {"start": 172.68, "end": 174.36, "text": "So here is the lesson."}, {"start": 174.36, "end": 176.64, "text": "If you are red, you are not broken."}, {"start": 176.64, "end": 181.56, "text": "You just need a volume knob, a pause button, and maybe one yellow friend standing nearby"}, {"start": 181.56, "end": 183.04, "text": "with a pillow."}, {"start": 183.04, "end": 187.76, "text": "Not to comfort you, to throw at your face when you start coaching somebody at a birthday"}, {"start": 187.76, "end": 188.28, "text": "party."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nRed personality needs a warning label being a red personality is exhausting because everybody thinks we are angry. We are not always angry. Sometimes we are just early to the emergency. That is my problem. My heart is good. My delivery sounds like somebody pulled the fire alarm at a bank. People will ask me a simple question like, what do you think? That is dangerous. Do not ask a red what we think unless you have a helmet and a signed waiver. We do not ease into truth. We kick the door open and point at the leak. I have spent 50 years learning that normal people like a little cushion before reality. Red does not come with cushion. Red comes with instructions printed on caution tape. My blue side tries to help. Blue says Jesse read the room. Red says I read it. That is why I am fixing it. Green says maybe gather more data. Red says the data is on fire. Yellow says maybe start with love. Red says I did. I came back. That is the self-frost. I am protective. I want people safe, strong and moving. My protection sometimes sounds like a repo man with a life coach certificate. I can turn a casual conversation into a safety briefing. Somebody says I might start a business someday. Suddenly I am standing there like good. What is the offer? Who is paying? What is the deadline? Where is the lead sheet? And why are you wearing the shoes of a man with no funnel? They just wanted to tell me they bought a domain that is red. We hear an idea and immediately start looking for the exit wounds. And I roast myself because I know it. My personality needs a warning label. Contents under pressure may solve problem before emotional processing is complete. I am the guy who sees a friend spiraling and says here are the top three actions. They say I wanted empathy. I say great action one is drink water. I am learning slowly, painfully with witnesses. And the witnesses are important because red people always think we are being calm. That is the funniest lie we tell ourselves. I will say I am just explaining. No Jesse, you are explaining with emergency lighting. I can give advice so fast the other person needs roadside assistance. They came to me with a feeling and I handed them a business model, a deadline and three reasons their cousin is slowing them down. That is why red has to practice the pause. Not because truth is bad, truth is good, but truth without timing is just a hammer looking for furniture. I have learned that sometimes the most powerful red move is to shut up for three seconds and let yellow enter the building. The four color system saved me because it gave me language for why I keep sounding like a courtroom when I am trying to be a blanket, red protects, green processes, blue adapts, yellow connects. And Jesse, Jesse is red with a cleaning business, a comedy app, a memoir, a supercomputer, and no emotional muffler. That is why my stand up has to be self-frost first. If I do not roast myself, my personality will try to manage the audience. So here is the lesson. If you are red, you are not broken. You just need a volume knob, a pause button, and maybe one yellow friend standing nearby with a pillow. Not to comfort you, to throw at your face when you start coaching somebody at a birthday party.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}