{"file": "audio/story-vault/A168_every-customer-has-a-secret-clock.mp3", "duration_sec": 168.4, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 4.2, "text": "Every customer has a secret clock being a small business owner teaches you that every"}, {"start": 4.2, "end": 6.2, "text": "customer has two clocks."}, {"start": 6.2, "end": 9.24, "text": "The first clock is the one they tell you, no rush."}, {"start": 9.24, "end": 11.6, "text": "Whenever you can, we are flexible."}, {"start": 11.6, "end": 13.0, "text": "That clock is fake."}, {"start": 13.0, "end": 17.28, "text": "The second clock is the secret clock in their head where everything was due yesterday,"}, {"start": 17.28, "end": 20.96, "text": "but they wanted you to feel emotionally safe before they blamed you."}, {"start": 20.96, "end": 22.4, "text": "That is the owner life."}, {"start": 22.4, "end": 25.8, "text": "In cleaning, people will say just come by when you have time."}, {"start": 25.8, "end": 30.16, "text": "In the second you book it for Thursday, suddenly Thursday is basically winter."}, {"start": 30.16, "end": 31.32, "text": "Can you do Wednesday?"}, {"start": 31.32, "end": 32.32, "text": "Can you do Tuesday?"}, {"start": 32.32, "end": 33.56, "text": "Can you do today?"}, {"start": 33.56, "end": 36.36, "text": "Can you do yesterday and also bring your own time machine?"}, {"start": 36.36, "end": 38.08, "text": "And I get it, people are stressed."}, {"start": 38.08, "end": 39.52, "text": "Their house is out of control."}, {"start": 39.52, "end": 40.76, "text": "Company is coming."}, {"start": 40.76, "end": 43.16, "text": "Their mother-in-law has X-ray vision."}, {"start": 43.16, "end": 46.24, "text": "The kitchen island looks like a male truck exploded."}, {"start": 46.24, "end": 50.32, "text": "But as the owner, everybody thinks you are the emergency button."}, {"start": 50.32, "end": 51.32, "text": "Clients want the owner."}, {"start": 51.32, "end": 53.08, "text": "Leads want the owner."}, {"start": 53.08, "end": 54.08, "text": "Employees want the owner."}, {"start": 54.08, "end": 55.44, "text": "Apps want the owner."}, {"start": 55.44, "end": 57.12, "text": "The website wants the owner."}, {"start": 57.12, "end": 58.44, "text": "The bank wants the owner."}, {"start": 58.44, "end": 60.52, "text": "Even my own ideas want the owner."}, {"start": 60.52, "end": 61.52, "text": "I am late."}, {"start": 61.52, "end": 62.6, "text": "Can one of you ask for the intern?"}, {"start": 62.6, "end": 63.6, "text": "There is no intern."}, {"start": 63.6, "end": 66.36, "text": "It is me in different hats and all the hats are tired."}, {"start": 66.36, "end": 68.36, "text": "That is why business is funny."}, {"start": 68.36, "end": 71.8, "text": "Everybody loves small business until small business as a price."}, {"start": 71.8, "end": 74.32, "text": "Then suddenly they turn into green accountants."}, {"start": 74.32, "end": 75.44, "text": "How many hours?"}, {"start": 75.44, "end": 76.68, "text": "What supplies?"}, {"start": 76.68, "end": 78.12, "text": "What exactly is included?"}, {"start": 78.12, "end": 81.96, "text": "Could we remove the baseboards, the oven, the windows, the bathrooms and the concept"}, {"start": 81.96, "end": 82.96, "text": "of labor?"}, {"start": 82.96, "end": 83.96, "text": "Sure."}, {"start": 83.96, "end": 88.16, "text": "I can drive by and say nice house."}, {"start": 88.16, "end": 89.76, "text": "Minimum $200."}, {"start": 89.76, "end": 93.28, "text": "Being red makes it harder because I want to solve everything fast."}, {"start": 93.28, "end": 97.12, "text": "But business keeps teaching me that fast is not always profitable."}, {"start": 97.12, "end": 99.4, "text": "Some customers do not need a discount."}, {"start": 99.4, "end": 100.88, "text": "They need clarity."}, {"start": 100.88, "end": 103.08, "text": "Some leads do not need convincing."}, {"start": 103.08, "end": 104.72, "text": "They need a yes or no."}, {"start": 104.72, "end": 106.6, "text": "Some problems are not emergencies."}, {"start": 106.6, "end": 107.92, "text": "They are just loud."}, {"start": 107.92, "end": 110.56, "text": "And loud is expensive if you let it drive."}, {"start": 110.56, "end": 113.32, "text": "It is the small business tax nobody talks about."}, {"start": 113.32, "end": 114.76, "text": "Not sales tax."}, {"start": 114.76, "end": 116.64, "text": "Not payroll tax."}, {"start": 116.64, "end": 118.36, "text": "Emotional interruption tax."}, {"start": 118.36, "end": 122.56, "text": "Every ding, every maybe, every real quick, every can you just takes a little piece of"}, {"start": 122.56, "end": 125.6, "text": "the owner's brain and runs down the street with it."}, {"start": 125.6, "end": 130.24, "text": "Then by noon I am trying to remember if I am a cleaning business, a comedy founder,"}, {"start": 130.24, "end": 134.64, "text": "a web builder, a book producer, or just a man standing in a parking lot answering a"}, {"start": 134.64, "end": 137.8, "text": "text with one thumb and a blood pressure spike."}, {"start": 137.8, "end": 139.6, "text": "That is why systems matter."}, {"start": 139.6, "end": 142.16, "text": "Not because systems make you fancy."}, {"start": 142.16, "end": 146.44, "text": "Systems protect the owner from becoming the business's emotional support animal."}, {"start": 146.44, "end": 150.68, "text": "And I say that as the guy who trained every business to yell my name."}, {"start": 150.68, "end": 153.52, "text": "And that is the lesson I keep learning at 50."}, {"start": 153.52, "end": 156.64, "text": "The owner cannot answer every secret clock."}, {"start": 156.64, "end": 159.2, "text": "The owner has to choose which clock makes money."}, {"start": 159.2, "end": 164.2, "text": "Which clock deepens the relationship and which clock is just stress wearing shoes."}, {"start": 164.2, "end": 166.0, "text": "That is not just business."}, {"start": 166.0, "end": 168.32, "text": "That is for color survival with a calendar."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nEvery customer has a secret clock being a small business owner teaches you that every customer has two clocks. The first clock is the one they tell you, no rush. Whenever you can, we are flexible. That clock is fake. The second clock is the secret clock in their head where everything was due yesterday, but they wanted you to feel emotionally safe before they blamed you. That is the owner life. In cleaning, people will say just come by when you have time. In the second you book it for Thursday, suddenly Thursday is basically winter. Can you do Wednesday? Can you do Tuesday? Can you do today? Can you do yesterday and also bring your own time machine? And I get it, people are stressed. Their house is out of control. Company is coming. Their mother-in-law has X-ray vision. The kitchen island looks like a male truck exploded. But as the owner, everybody thinks you are the emergency button. Clients want the owner. Leads want the owner. Employees want the owner. Apps want the owner. The website wants the owner. The bank wants the owner. Even my own ideas want the owner. I am late. Can one of you ask for the intern? There is no intern. It is me in different hats and all the hats are tired. That is why business is funny. Everybody loves small business until small business as a price. Then suddenly they turn into green accountants. How many hours? What supplies? What exactly is included? Could we remove the baseboards, the oven, the windows, the bathrooms and the concept of labor? Sure. I can drive by and say nice house. Minimum $200. Being red makes it harder because I want to solve everything fast. But business keeps teaching me that fast is not always profitable. Some customers do not need a discount. They need clarity. Some leads do not need convincing. They need a yes or no. Some problems are not emergencies. They are just loud. And loud is expensive if you let it drive. It is the small business tax nobody talks about. Not sales tax. Not payroll tax. Emotional interruption tax. Every ding, every maybe, every real quick, every can you just takes a little piece of the owner's brain and runs down the street with it. Then by noon I am trying to remember if I am a cleaning business, a comedy founder, a web builder, a book producer, or just a man standing in a parking lot answering a text with one thumb and a blood pressure spike. That is why systems matter. Not because systems make you fancy. Systems protect the owner from becoming the business's emotional support animal. And I say that as the guy who trained every business to yell my name. And that is the lesson I keep learning at 50. The owner cannot answer every secret clock. The owner has to choose which clock makes money. Which clock deepens the relationship and which clock is just stress wearing shoes. That is not just business. That is for color survival with a calendar.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}