{"file": "audio/story-vault/A112_my-story-has-too-many-tabs-open.mp3", "duration_sec": 172.9, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 5.44, "text": "My story has too many tabs open colors of my pain is a beautiful title, but it also sounds"}, {"start": 5.44, "end": 8.12, "text": "like my browser history after midnight."}, {"start": 8.12, "end": 9.48, "text": "That is my life."}, {"start": 9.48, "end": 11.08, "text": "Too many tabs open."}, {"start": 11.08, "end": 12.36, "text": "Some are business."}, {"start": 12.36, "end": 13.64, "text": "Some are memory."}, {"start": 13.64, "end": 15.96, "text": "Some are old pains still buffering."}, {"start": 15.96, "end": 19.08, "text": "One tab is playing music and I cannot find it."}, {"start": 19.08, "end": 23.4, "text": "Writing your life story is weird because you start out thinking you are making a book,"}, {"start": 23.4, "end": 25.4, "text": "then the book starts looking back at you like."}, {"start": 25.4, "end": 28.24, "text": "Are we telling the truth or just decorating the wound?"}, {"start": 28.24, "end": 30.36, "text": "I do not want a boring memoir."}, {"start": 30.36, "end": 34.36, "text": "Nobody needs another guy saying I went through things and became stronger."}, {"start": 34.36, "end": 35.68, "text": "That is not a book."}, {"start": 35.68, "end": 38.28, "text": "That is a gym poster with childhood issues."}, {"start": 38.28, "end": 39.96, "text": "I want the real version."}, {"start": 39.96, "end": 41.32, "text": "The funny version."}, {"start": 41.32, "end": 46.44, "text": "The version where pain walks in wearing work boots spills coffee on the plan and still"}, {"start": 46.44, "end": 49.32, "text": "somehow teaches you something before lunch."}, {"start": 49.32, "end": 51.56, "text": "That is why the four colors matters to me."}, {"start": 51.56, "end": 54.64, "text": "Red is the part of me that survived by moving."}, {"start": 54.64, "end": 57.04, "text": "Green is the part that tried to understand it."}, {"start": 57.04, "end": 60.24, "text": "Blue is the part that learned to read rooms before speaking."}, {"start": 60.24, "end": 64.96, "text": "Yellow is the part that still wants everybody fed, laughing and okay."}, {"start": 64.96, "end": 69.76, "text": "And then there is 50 year old Jesse standing in the middle like a substitute teacher in"}, {"start": 69.76, "end": 71.44, "text": "his own nervous system."}, {"start": 71.44, "end": 74.44, "text": "A memoir makes you audit your own excuses."}, {"start": 74.44, "end": 75.44, "text": "You cannot write."}, {"start": 75.44, "end": 76.44, "text": "I learned a lesson."}, {"start": 76.44, "end": 81.2, "text": "If you are still doing the same dumb thing in a more expensive app, that is the roast."}, {"start": 81.2, "end": 86.24, "text": "I spent years learning personality types then still acted surprised when my own red personality"}, {"start": 86.24, "end": 88.76, "text": "came in hot and knocked over the furniture."}, {"start": 88.76, "end": 93.28, "text": "I will write a chapter about emotional growth then five minutes later talk to my computer"}, {"start": 93.28, "end": 94.8, "text": "like it owes me rent."}, {"start": 94.8, "end": 101.52, "text": "My story has everything cleaning houses, wedding photography, YouTube channels, AI tools,"}, {"start": 101.52, "end": 106.92, "text": "comedy apps, business pressure, family lessons, comebacks, mistakes, hope."}, {"start": 106.92, "end": 110.48, "text": "And a grown man realizing the machine is organized better than he is."}, {"start": 110.48, "end": 111.48, "text": "That is not a memoir."}, {"start": 111.48, "end": 113.6, "text": "That is a garage sale with a heartbeat."}, {"start": 113.6, "end": 115.64, "text": "The trick is not to make pain cute."}, {"start": 115.64, "end": 116.64, "text": "Pain is not cute."}, {"start": 116.64, "end": 117.64, "text": "Pain is heavy."}, {"start": 117.64, "end": 119.84, "text": "But comedy lets you carry it with handles."}, {"start": 119.84, "end": 123.56, "text": "When I turn a hard memory into a joke, I am not making it small."}, {"start": 123.56, "end": 125.12, "text": "I am making it usable."}, {"start": 125.12, "end": 128.04, "text": "I am saying this thing did not get the final word."}, {"start": 128.04, "end": 131.64, "text": "It can sit down, be part of the act and maybe sell a ticket."}, {"start": 131.64, "end": 134.24, "text": "That is what colors of my pain is really about."}, {"start": 134.24, "end": 135.76, "text": "Not look what happened to me."}, {"start": 135.76, "end": 137.8, "text": "More like look what I can build from it."}, {"start": 137.8, "end": 139.56, "text": "Red turns it into action."}, {"start": 139.56, "end": 141.28, "text": "Green turns it into meaning."}, {"start": 141.28, "end": 143.08, "text": "Blue turns it into connection."}, {"start": 143.08, "end": 145.04, "text": "Blue turns it into warmth."}, {"start": 145.04, "end": 148.4, "text": "Comedy turns it into something people can hear without running away."}, {"start": 148.4, "end": 149.72, "text": "And bombed."}, {"start": 149.72, "end": 153.88, "text": "App sits in the corner like nice healing Jesse, but that middle section dragged."}, {"start": 153.88, "end": 154.88, "text": "Fair."}, {"start": 154.88, "end": 156.48, "text": "Even my trauma needs editing."}, {"start": 156.48, "end": 161.76, "text": "So if my story has too many tabs open good, I am finally going through them."}, {"start": 161.76, "end": 163.28, "text": "Some I will close."}, {"start": 163.28, "end": 164.64, "text": "Some I will save."}, {"start": 164.64, "end": 166.6, "text": "Some I will turn into jokes."}, {"start": 166.6, "end": 169.08, "text": "And the one playing music in the background."}, {"start": 169.08, "end": 172.84, "text": "That is probably the part of me still trained to make all this pain dance."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nMy story has too many tabs open colors of my pain is a beautiful title, but it also sounds like my browser history after midnight. That is my life. Too many tabs open. Some are business. Some are memory. Some are old pains still buffering. One tab is playing music and I cannot find it. Writing your life story is weird because you start out thinking you are making a book, then the book starts looking back at you like. Are we telling the truth or just decorating the wound? I do not want a boring memoir. Nobody needs another guy saying I went through things and became stronger. That is not a book. That is a gym poster with childhood issues. I want the real version. The funny version. The version where pain walks in wearing work boots spills coffee on the plan and still somehow teaches you something before lunch. That is why the four colors matters to me. Red is the part of me that survived by moving. Green is the part that tried to understand it. Blue is the part that learned to read rooms before speaking. Yellow is the part that still wants everybody fed, laughing and okay. And then there is 50 year old Jesse standing in the middle like a substitute teacher in his own nervous system. A memoir makes you audit your own excuses. You cannot write. I learned a lesson. If you are still doing the same dumb thing in a more expensive app, that is the roast. I spent years learning personality types then still acted surprised when my own red personality came in hot and knocked over the furniture. I will write a chapter about emotional growth then five minutes later talk to my computer like it owes me rent. My story has everything cleaning houses, wedding photography, YouTube channels, AI tools, comedy apps, business pressure, family lessons, comebacks, mistakes, hope. And a grown man realizing the machine is organized better than he is. That is not a memoir. That is a garage sale with a heartbeat. The trick is not to make pain cute. Pain is not cute. Pain is heavy. But comedy lets you carry it with handles. When I turn a hard memory into a joke, I am not making it small. I am making it usable. I am saying this thing did not get the final word. It can sit down, be part of the act and maybe sell a ticket. That is what colors of my pain is really about. Not look what happened to me. More like look what I can build from it. Red turns it into action. Green turns it into meaning. Blue turns it into connection. Blue turns it into warmth. Comedy turns it into something people can hear without running away. And bombed. App sits in the corner like nice healing Jesse, but that middle section dragged. Fair. Even my trauma needs editing. So if my story has too many tabs open good, I am finally going through them. Some I will close. Some I will save. Some I will turn into jokes. And the one playing music in the background. That is probably the part of me still trained to make all this pain dance.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}