← back to bombed.app

2026-09-02-openmic-night

[00000.00-00002.54] This is comedy, laughs and giggles.
[00002.54-00006.02] Kill Jesse, open mic night, comic gets a minute.
[00006.02-00007.88] Then we talk shit about the jokes.
[00007.88-00009.28] I pick who comes back.
[00009.28-00011.56] This next one is fake.
[00011.56-00012.40] Callum.
[00012.40-00014.94] Jesse got archived, armed quit.
[00014.94-00017.46] Good hand still wipes toilets.
[00017.46-00021.76] Dead arm just watches like a pervert who didn't pay cover.
[00021.76-00023.72] That's dating at 50.
[00023.72-00027.24] One working hand, the other ones are witness.
[00027.24-00029.24] This next one is fake.
[00029.24-00036.40] He took his shirt off. She asked what happened. He said the job. She said which one he had to count.
[00037.00-00042.60] She left the dead arm stayed. That's the most loyal thing in his life.
[00043.24-00049.64] Sit down, roast him. The count joke is the set. You should have opened there. The pervert line was cheap.
[00050.20-00053.76] Loyal dead arm is a closer. Don't bury it under toilets.
[00053.76-00061.76] Aussie, partner got the talk, Jesse got the ball, two jobs a day and he still lost the conversation.
[00061.76-00064.48] He clocked in like it's a personality.
[00064.48-00066.12] This next one is fake.
[00066.12-00068.72] He asked if they could still be friends.
[00068.72-00071.12] She said they were never that close.
[00071.12-00075.60] He said cool and went to a second job like it was a rebound.
[00075.60-00077.00] That's not heartbreak.
[00077.00-00079.20] That's overtime with feelings.
[00079.20-00082.32] I still clock in, sit down, roast.
[00082.32-00086.56] time with feelings as the whole man. The ball was the punch you explained it after. He
[00086.56-00092.88] didn't get dumped. He got scheduled. That's worse. Liam captain save a hook locked out.
[00092.88-00097.60] Jesse didn't get the memo. He still shows up with a mop and a speech. This next one is
[00097.60-00102.66] fake. He drove across town to check on her. She had company. He sat in the car and
[00102.66-00108.00] practiced the joke for later. He went home and mop the porch so the night counted as work.
[00108.00-00114.32] called material sit down roast practicing the joke in the driveway is the set the porch
[00114.32-00120.08] mob is a tag you earned he didn't save anybody he build the night to himself that's
[00120.08-00129.28] the character Chris ride share mop mic same body same day that's not a hustle that's a man
[00129.28-00134.96] who can't pick a personality so he rented three this next one is fake somebody asked what he
[00134.96-00139.76] he does. He's at entertainment. Then he dropped them off and wiped a toilet with the same
[00139.76-00144.52] hand he holds this mic. That's the act. He just hasn't built it that way.
[00144.52-00146.76] I build it. Sit down. Roast.
[00146.76-00151.44] Same hand is the knockout. Don't open with hustle. Open with the toilet.
[00151.44-00155.76] Three jobs is not a joke. It's a confession with a punchline attached.
[00155.76-00156.76] Max.
[00156.76-00161.28] Shit, Midas. Jesse doesn't turn things to gold. He turns a yes into a chore.
[00161.28-00164.08] This next one is fake, he finally got lucky.
[00164.08-00168.32] By morning it was a to-do list and a dog crate, he called that chemistry.
[00168.32-00170.44] He didn't get laid, he got assigned.
[00170.44-00173.48] Alright, that's the night, roast the last one.
[00173.48-00179.16] Assigned is the word, Max opened it, Midas and stayed there, that's a comic.
[00179.16-00180.92] Callum had the arm.
[00180.92-00182.96] Aussie had the bowl.
[00182.96-00185.04] Liam had the driveway.
[00185.04-00187.16] Chris had the same hand.
[00187.16-00189.36] Max had assigned.
[00189.36-00191.36] Jesse. Pick.