← back to bombed.app

2026-09-01-22-test

[00000.00-00002.96] This is comedy, laps and giggles. This next one is fake.
[00002.96-00005.00] 22 new mouths. Talk shit.
[00005.00-00006.80] 50 in three dogs.
[00006.80-00009.16] That's a dating profile written by a mob.
[00009.16-00010.48] He comes home, broke.
[00010.48-00013.04] And the golden retriever runs a background check.
[00013.04-00015.28] Captain saver, AO at 50.
[00015.28-00017.20] The dog's already dumped him.
[00017.20-00018.44] Third job today.
[00018.44-00019.84] His body's a lawsuit.
[00019.84-00021.68] The dog still want rent.
[00021.68-00023.04] He pays a robot to roast him.
[00023.04-00024.88] That's a subscription to losing.
[00024.88-00026.72] He cleaned houses all day.
[00026.72-00029.48] Then asked a dog if tonight's the night.
[00029.48-00034.32] Shit, Midas. He touches a woman. She turns into a receipt.
[00034.32-00037.24] Jesse's still waiting on a callback from a bucket.
[00037.24-00040.76] Three witnesses. All of them bark. None of them call back.
[00040.76-00044.60] AI versus Jesse, the robot writes Jesse Mops.
[00044.60-00048.12] Dating at 50 with a dead arm and kibble on the shirt.
[00048.12-00051.88] The dogs filed the report. Jesse filed a podcast.
[00051.88-00056.92] He protects a mob like it's a girlfriend. The mob left two.
[00056.92-00060.72] Seven jobs, seven quits. The dogs stayed. That's the roast.
[00060.72-00064.32] He hosts in a movie voice and still can't get laid.
[00064.32-00067.92] Group home with a movie voice. That's his love life.
[00067.92-00071.92] He clocked out of three jobs and into a parole hearing with treats.
[00071.92-00073.92] Fake.
[00073.92-00076.92] The pussy ran a fire drill.
[00076.92-00079.92] The dogs held the door.
[00079.92-00084.32] He pays 300 to hear himself lose. That's the AI bit.
[00084.32-00089.20] Even the vacuum wants witness protection from this man.
[00089.20-00091.04] Last joke is in his.
[00091.04-00093.48] The golden retriever already had it.
[00093.48-00094.88] Jesse doesn't date.
[00094.88-00097.64] He auditions regret and feeds it, Kibble.
[00097.64-00098.76] I don't defend.
[00098.76-00099.52] I'm up.
[00099.52-00101.44] Last joke's mind, motherfuckers.
[00101.44-00102.72] Tell me who stays.