{"file": "redline-openmic-aug24-01-battle-of-sexes.mp3", "duration_sec": 225.6, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.08, "end": 5.64, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Redline Comedy, the only open mic in America where the host"}, {"start": 5.64, "end": 7.96, "text": "is also the fucking crime scene."}, {"start": 7.96, "end": 15.24, "text": "Jesse Salas, $300,000 in debt to a robot, not a car, not a house, a robot."}, {"start": 15.24, "end": 19.28, "text": "He looked at rent, looked at a supercomputer, and picked the computer like a dumbass picks"}, {"start": 19.28, "end": 22.88, "text": "the hot vending machine over food that actually feeds him."}, {"start": 22.88, "end": 26.04, "text": "He is now what the doctors call AI Broke."}, {"start": 26.04, "end": 28.16, "text": "Regular Broke, you can't pay rent."}, {"start": 28.56, "end": 33.72, "text": "AI Broke, you can't pay rent, but you got a machine that'll write you a nine paragraph"}, {"start": 33.72, "end": 38.56, "text": "excuse letter to your landlord in the voice of a fancy lawyer who's never missed a meal"}, {"start": 38.56, "end": 39.96, "text": "in his life."}, {"start": 39.96, "end": 45.16, "text": "Tonight, red and blue are gonna get into it about my whole fucked up life."}, {"start": 45.16, "end": 46.96, "text": "Let's fucking go."}, {"start": 46.96, "end": 49.88, "text": "Look look, I love this man and I will defend him with my whole now."}, {"start": 49.88, "end": 52.04, "text": "I ain't saying the G word my mom is watching."}, {"start": 52.04, "end": 54.72, "text": "I will defend him with my whole fucking chest."}, {"start": 54.72, "end": 58.6, "text": "Everybody want a clown Jesse for going 300 grand in the hole for AI."}, {"start": 58.6, "end": 60.16, "text": "That's not stupid, that's vision."}, {"start": 60.16, "end": 62.6, "text": "That's a man who said I refuse to be regular Broke."}, {"start": 62.6, "end": 64.08, "text": "I'm gonna be specific Broke."}, {"start": 64.08, "end": 66.32, "text": "I'm gonna be broke with a plan."}, {"start": 66.32, "end": 70.16, "text": "This man is on his knees seven days a week scrubbing somebody's shit-stained toilet for"}, {"start": 70.16, "end": 73.28, "text": "a hundred and fifty bucks, splitting it in half with his partner."}, {"start": 73.28, "end": 76.48, "text": "So he's walking away with $75 and a fucked up knee."}, {"start": 76.48, "end": 79.4, "text": "Then he goes home and pays a robot more than that to help him write a joke about how"}, {"start": 79.4, "end": 80.84, "text": "Broke his ass is."}, {"start": 80.84, "end": 82.12, "text": "That's not a mistake."}, {"start": 82.12, "end": 87.0, "text": "That's a man financing his own execution and doing the fucking paperwork himself."}, {"start": 87.0, "end": 90.76, "text": "Vision baby, that's not vision, that's a man who let a chatbot talk him into a car payment"}, {"start": 90.76, "end": 92.36, "text": "on a fucking computer."}, {"start": 92.36, "end": 97.68, "text": "$6,000 a month in bills, three dogs, $0 saved and his income is sometimes a stranger's"}, {"start": 97.68, "end": 98.68, "text": "bathroom."}, {"start": 98.68, "end": 102.6, "text": "That ain't a business, that's a hostage situation and the toilets the hostage."}, {"start": 102.6, "end": 107.28, "text": "In splitting it 50-50 with his partner on a hundred and fifty dollar job."}, {"start": 107.28, "end": 111.88, "text": "That's not a partnership baby, that's two Broke ass people holding hands while they drown"}, {"start": 111.88, "end": 113.68, "text": "so it looks like a choice."}, {"start": 113.68, "end": 118.88, "text": "He wrote a whole book called Colors of My Pain, should have been called Colors of My Overdraft"}, {"start": 118.88, "end": 122.24, "text": "Fe because baby it is all red."}, {"start": 122.24, "end": 126.16, "text": "Yellow energy don't pay and thropics invoice, all right."}, {"start": 126.16, "end": 130.64, "text": "Somebody gotta stay red, somebody gotta keep fighting, keep grinding, keep."}, {"start": 130.64, "end": 135.48, "text": "Keep what keep Broke, fighting for the right to be poor with better fucking prompts."}, {"start": 135.48, "end": 137.76, "text": "At least the man's got ambition."}, {"start": 137.76, "end": 139.76, "text": "He's got a subscription."}, {"start": 139.76, "end": 141.84, "text": "He's building an empire."}, {"start": 141.84, "end": 144.68, "text": "He's building debt with a font on it."}, {"start": 144.68, "end": 145.68, "text": "Hold up, hold up."}, {"start": 145.68, "end": 150.28, "text": "He told me the real math one time, drunk at 2 a.m."}, {"start": 150.28, "end": 156.08, "text": "He said, I make 150 scrubbing a shower and I spend more than that arguing with a robot"}, {"start": 156.08, "end": 160.4, "text": "about whether the joke about the shower is too mean to the shower."}, {"start": 160.4, "end": 163.56, "text": "That's this man's whole entire life."}, {"start": 163.56, "end": 168.48, "text": "Three dogs staring at him with their sad little faces while he cleans strangers toilets"}, {"start": 168.48, "end": 170.08, "text": "for gas money."}, {"start": 170.08, "end": 171.08, "text": "Comes home."}, {"start": 171.2, "end": 176.44, "text": "Opens a laptop that cost more than his fucking car and pays a machine to tell him he's"}, {"start": 176.44, "end": 181.68, "text": "failing in real time with footnotes and a table of contents."}, {"start": 181.68, "end": 183.88, "text": "And he do it again tomorrow."}, {"start": 183.88, "end": 188.32, "text": "That's not resilience baby, that's a gambling problem with a LinkedIn."}, {"start": 188.32, "end": 190.84, "text": "300,000 in the hole."}, {"start": 190.84, "end": 193.2, "text": "Six grand a month in bills."}, {"start": 193.2, "end": 197.28, "text": "Scrubbing toilets seven days, a week splitting scraps with his partner just to keep feeding"}, {"start": 197.28, "end": 202.0, "text": "the robot and the dogs and don't ask which one eats first because it ain't the dogs,"}, {"start": 202.0, "end": 203.24, "text": "but look at him."}, {"start": 203.24, "end": 208.04, "text": "Broke, tired, smells like pine saw and bad decisions."}, {"start": 208.04, "end": 212.44, "text": "Still standing up here making y'all laugh about it instead of crying about it."}, {"start": 212.44, "end": 215.4, "text": "That's the whole fucking book right there."}, {"start": 215.4, "end": 220.96, "text": "That's colors of my pain live on a Tuesday for free at Redline Comedy."}, {"start": 220.96, "end": 224.98, "text": "Flip your host, he's got a robot to feed and it eats better than he does."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, welcome to Redline Comedy, the only open mic in America where the host is also the fucking crime scene. Jesse Salas, $300,000 in debt to a robot, not a car, not a house, a robot. He looked at rent, looked at a supercomputer, and picked the computer like a dumbass picks the hot vending machine over food that actually feeds him. He is now what the doctors call AI Broke. Regular Broke, you can't pay rent. AI Broke, you can't pay rent, but you got a machine that'll write you a nine paragraph excuse letter to your landlord in the voice of a fancy lawyer who's never missed a meal in his life. Tonight, red and blue are gonna get into it about my whole fucked up life. Let's fucking go. Look look, I love this man and I will defend him with my whole now. I ain't saying the G word my mom is watching. I will defend him with my whole fucking chest. Everybody want a clown Jesse for going 300 grand in the hole for AI. That's not stupid, that's vision. That's a man who said I refuse to be regular Broke. I'm gonna be specific Broke. I'm gonna be broke with a plan. This man is on his knees seven days a week scrubbing somebody's shit-stained toilet for a hundred and fifty bucks, splitting it in half with his partner. So he's walking away with $75 and a fucked up knee. Then he goes home and pays a robot more than that to help him write a joke about how Broke his ass is. That's not a mistake. That's a man financing his own execution and doing the fucking paperwork himself. Vision baby, that's not vision, that's a man who let a chatbot talk him into a car payment on a fucking computer. $6,000 a month in bills, three dogs, $0 saved and his income is sometimes a stranger's bathroom. That ain't a business, that's a hostage situation and the toilets the hostage. In splitting it 50-50 with his partner on a hundred and fifty dollar job. That's not a partnership baby, that's two Broke ass people holding hands while they drown so it looks like a choice. He wrote a whole book called Colors of My Pain, should have been called Colors of My Overdraft Fe because baby it is all red. Yellow energy don't pay and thropics invoice, all right. Somebody gotta stay red, somebody gotta keep fighting, keep grinding, keep. Keep what keep Broke, fighting for the right to be poor with better fucking prompts. At least the man's got ambition. He's got a subscription. He's building an empire. He's building debt with a font on it. Hold up, hold up. He told me the real math one time, drunk at 2 a.m. He said, I make 150 scrubbing a shower and I spend more than that arguing with a robot about whether the joke about the shower is too mean to the shower. That's this man's whole entire life. Three dogs staring at him with their sad little faces while he cleans strangers toilets for gas money. Comes home. Opens a laptop that cost more than his fucking car and pays a machine to tell him he's failing in real time with footnotes and a table of contents. And he do it again tomorrow. That's not resilience baby, that's a gambling problem with a LinkedIn. 300,000 in the hole. Six grand a month in bills. Scrubbing toilets seven days, a week splitting scraps with his partner just to keep feeding the robot and the dogs and don't ask which one eats first because it ain't the dogs, but look at him. Broke, tired, smells like pine saw and bad decisions. Still standing up here making y'all laugh about it instead of crying about it. That's the whole fucking book right there. That's colors of my pain live on a Tuesday for free at Redline Comedy. Flip your host, he's got a robot to feed and it eats better than he does.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}