{"file": "redline-news-4.mp3", "duration_sec": 129.3, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 4.56, "text": "Live from bombed.app, the red line news, your anchors, Tony and Benny."}, {"start": 6.9, "end": 7.94, "text": "I'm Tony."}, {"start": 7.94, "end": 13.78, "text": "I'm Benny. Top story. A company released an AI girlfriend that never argues."}, {"start": 13.78, "end": 17.78, "text": "Sold out in a day. Turns out men don't fear commitment."}, {"start": 17.78, "end": 19.46, "text": "They fear being wrong out loud."}, {"start": 27.58, "end": 31.9, "text": "Health experts say loneliness is as bad for you as smoking 15 cigarettes a day."}, {"start": 32.62, "end": 35.02, "text": "Great news for smokers. You were gonna die alone."}, {"start": 35.82, "end": 37.34, "text": "Anyway, now it's just efficient."}, {"start": 44.59, "end": 50.83, "text": "The newest trend is people filming themselves doing nothing and calling it romanticizing your life."}, {"start": 51.55, "end": 55.71, "text": "A man posted himself staring at a wall two million views."}, {"start": 56.67, "end": 60.67, "text": "Meanwhile, Shakespeare's in the ground like, are you kidding me?"}, {"start": 66.75, "end": 72.67, "text": "Local Sacramento. It's so hot a man fried an egg on the sidewalk. Then couldn't afford the egg."}, {"start": 72.67, "end": 74.75, "text": "The yolk and the joke both on us."}, {"start": 75.39, "end": 90.62, "text": "Business news. Jesse the hammer added a fourth business this week. Experts are concerned."}, {"start": 91.34, "end": 95.34, "text": "Jesse reached for comment was already in someone's driveway."}, {"start": 101.38, "end": 106.1, "text": "That's the news. The A's got a girlfriend. You got 15 cigarettes a loneliness."}, {"start": 106.1, "end": 108.42, "text": "And Jesse's got your driveway. I'm Tony."}, {"start": 111.68, "end": 116.0, "text": "I'm Benny. Good night. And go call somebody before the A does."}, {"start": 116.0, "end": 123.14, "text": "Red line news. Filthy true zero fox kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLive from bombed.app, the red line news, your anchors, Tony and Benny. I'm Tony. I'm Benny. Top story. A company released an AI girlfriend that never argues. Sold out in a day. Turns out men don't fear commitment. They fear being wrong out loud. Health experts say loneliness is as bad for you as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Great news for smokers. You were gonna die alone. Anyway, now it's just efficient. The newest trend is people filming themselves doing nothing and calling it romanticizing your life. A man posted himself staring at a wall two million views. Meanwhile, Shakespeare's in the ground like, are you kidding me? Local Sacramento. It's so hot a man fried an egg on the sidewalk. Then couldn't afford the egg. The yolk and the joke both on us. Business news. Jesse the hammer added a fourth business this week. Experts are concerned. Jesse reached for comment was already in someone's driveway. That's the news. The A's got a girlfriend. You got 15 cigarettes a loneliness. And Jesse's got your driveway. I'm Tony. I'm Benny. Good night. And go call somebody before the A does. Red line news. Filthy true zero fox kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}