{"file": "redline-news-1.mp3", "duration_sec": 195.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 3.2, "text": "Live from bombed.ab. It's the Red Line News,"}, {"start": 3.2, "end": 6.24, "text": "the only news that's filthy true and gives zero fucks,"}, {"start": 6.24, "end": 7.84, "text": "your anchors, Tony and Benny."}, {"start": 10.34, "end": 11.38, "text": "Good evening, I'm Tony."}, {"start": 12.02, "end": 15.14, "text": "And I'm Benny, our top story tonight."}, {"start": 15.14, "end": 19.62, "text": "The robots are coming for your job, and honestly, they earned it."}, {"start": 25.68, "end": 28.56, "text": "This week, ChatGPT rolled out Codex Remote,"}, {"start": 29.28, "end": 34.56, "text": "an eye that writes code from anywhere, which means some guy in his underwear just got replaced"}, {"start": 34.64, "end": 37.68, "text": "by an eye in no underwear. That's progress, folks."}, {"start": 43.86, "end": 48.42, "text": "Meanwhile, Claude, the A-Write in this exact newscast right now,"}, {"start": 49.06, "end": 54.98, "text": "just launched inside Slack, so your coworker who does nothing is officially software now."}, {"start": 56.26, "end": 70.5, "text": "Karen from Accounting, replaced by a polite robot that also won't answer your email."}, {"start": 70.5, "end": 72.66, "text": "And Grock? Still in beta."}, {"start": 73.14, "end": 74.34, "text": "Beta."}, {"start": 74.34, "end": 78.58, "text": "The other robots are out here taking jobs, and Grock still got training wheels."}, {"start": 78.58, "end": 80.42, "text": "Even the AI's got a slow cousin."}, {"start": 86.58, "end": 93.38, "text": "In social media news, the big trend is saying one phrase with four different emotions."}, {"start": 93.38, "end": 96.98, "text": "So here's the contractor's classic, angry."}, {"start": 97.54, "end": 99.86, "text": "It's just a quick fix, scared."}, {"start": 100.66, "end": 102.18, "text": "It's just a quick fix."}, {"start": 103.14, "end": 104.26, "text": "Line through your teeth."}, {"start": 104.98, "end": 106.58, "text": "Oh, it's just a quick fix."}, {"start": 108.18, "end": 112.42, "text": "And dead inside, it's just a quick fix."}, {"start": 113.46, "end": 117.46, "text": "Same four words every man said right before the whole house caught fire."}, {"start": 123.46, "end": 128.42, "text": "Local news, Sacramento's own Jesse, the hammer, was spotted given a cleaning quote"}, {"start": 128.42, "end": 133.62, "text": "that escalated into a hostage situation. Witnesses say the customer only wanted a price,"}, {"start": 133.62, "end": 136.26, "text": "and is now, quote, part of a five-year plan."}, {"start": 145.34, "end": 150.62, "text": "And your weather, it's 110 degrees, rents still New York prices,"}, {"start": 150.62, "end": 154.94, "text": "and the only thing rising faster than the heat is your landlord's confidence."}, {"start": 155.66, "end": 156.62, "text": "Back to you, Tony."}, {"start": 162.69, "end": 167.41, "text": "That's the news. The world's on fire. The robots won, and Grock's still loading."}, {"start": 167.41, "end": 169.49, "text": "For the Red Line News, I'm Tony."}, {"start": 172.8, "end": 175.36, "text": "And I'm Benny, good night, Sacramento."}, {"start": 176.16, "end": 180.96, "text": "And if a man named Jesse calls about a quote, just say yes, it's easier."}, {"start": 184.66, "end": 188.82, "text": "That's the Red Line News, filthy true zero fucks given. Kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLive from bombed.ab. It's the Red Line News, the only news that's filthy true and gives zero fucks, your anchors, Tony and Benny. Good evening, I'm Tony. And I'm Benny, our top story tonight. The robots are coming for your job, and honestly, they earned it. This week, ChatGPT rolled out Codex Remote, an eye that writes code from anywhere, which means some guy in his underwear just got replaced by an eye in no underwear. That's progress, folks. Meanwhile, Claude, the A-Write in this exact newscast right now, just launched inside Slack, so your coworker who does nothing is officially software now. Karen from Accounting, replaced by a polite robot that also won't answer your email. And Grock? Still in beta. Beta. The other robots are out here taking jobs, and Grock still got training wheels. Even the AI's got a slow cousin. In social media news, the big trend is saying one phrase with four different emotions. So here's the contractor's classic, angry. It's just a quick fix, scared. It's just a quick fix. Line through your teeth. Oh, it's just a quick fix. And dead inside, it's just a quick fix. Same four words every man said right before the whole house caught fire. Local news, Sacramento's own Jesse, the hammer, was spotted given a cleaning quote that escalated into a hostage situation. Witnesses say the customer only wanted a price, and is now, quote, part of a five-year plan. And your weather, it's 110 degrees, rents still New York prices, and the only thing rising faster than the heat is your landlord's confidence. Back to you, Tony. That's the news. The world's on fire. The robots won, and Grock's still loading. For the Red Line News, I'm Tony. And I'm Benny, good night, Sacramento. And if a man named Jesse calls about a quote, just say yes, it's easier. That's the Red Line News, filthy true zero fucks given. Kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}