{"file": "prof_read_the_room_TG.mp3", "duration_sec": 352.6, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.18, "end": 11.18, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club."}, {"start": 11.18, "end": 21.68, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.68, "end": 28.18, "text": "This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.18, "end": 40.25, "text": "Alright you filthy fucks. Sit your ass down. Tonight ain't about how the fuck to cuss. It's about when and half you dumb asses can't tell the fucking difference."}, {"start": 40.25, "end": 53.0, "text": "The same damn fuck that gets a standing ovation at my shitty club will get your ass dragged out a door somewhere else in four fucking seconds flat."}, {"start": 53.0, "end": 65.08, "text": "Rule one dumb ass. You read the damn room before you swing your dick not after, because after's just a shitty ass apology and nobody claps for a sorry ass apology."}, {"start": 68.74, "end": 78.74, "text": "Let's start with a damn baby shower. Pastel bullshit balloons everywhere. Some lady goes, isn't he precious and your dumb ass goes, he's a shit machine with a fat ass face."}, {"start": 78.74, "end": 85.98, "text": "That whole damn room went from cooling to funeral ass silent in half a second flat."}, {"start": 85.98, "end": 98.32, "text": "Now try a fucking funeral. Man's in the damn casket, his widows bawling her ass off and you lean in, whisper, least the ugly bastard ain't dead broke no more. Shit."}, {"start": 101.94, "end": 119.57, "text": "That's the damn sound of 40 people deciding your ass ain't never getting invited to shit again. Job interview, ass in the stiff chair, guy asks your biggest weakness and you say, shit I give a fuck less than I should. Congrats your unemployed as fuck."}, {"start": 119.57, "end": 128.84, "text": "That damn handshake at the end wasn't respect. That was security getting called with his damn eyes shit."}, {"start": 128.84, "end": 141.92, "text": "Now the real final boss, shit. Dinner with her damn parents, China plates, everybody's head bowed for one quiet ass second and you blurt past the fucking potatoes way too loud."}, {"start": 141.92, "end": 149.7, "text": "Her damn mother staring at your ass like you just lit the fucking tablecloth on fire."}, {"start": 149.7, "end": 161.14, "text": "See the pattern dumb asses? Every one of those cusses was funny as hell. Every single one landed on the wrong damn stage. That's the whole fucking lesson right there."}, {"start": 161.14, "end": 173.96, "text": "Timing is 90 damn percent of this shit. Same exact fucking line that's a killer joke at midnight is a felony as fuck at Sunday brunch with your grandma's ass."}, {"start": 173.96, "end": 186.71, "text": "So how's a damn pro reader room before he swings his ass out there? You test that shit small first, one little damn or hell. See who the fuck flinches?"}, {"start": 186.71, "end": 195.43, "text": "They laugh soft, you got room, they go stiff. Shut your ass down now."}, {"start": 195.43, "end": 208.61, "text": "Watch the crowds damn hands. Watch their damn drinks. A room drinking heavy and leaning the fucking wants filth. A room sipping water wants a nice ass magic trick instead."}, {"start": 208.61, "end": 221.36, "text": "Age matters too shit. Grandma at 80 might cuss like a damn trucker but Aunt Carol who runs the damn church newsletter will faint dead ass on the fucking floor."}, {"start": 221.36, "end": 229.63, "text": "That's a damn body you gotta explain to paramedics because you couldn't hold one damn word shit."}, {"start": 229.63, "end": 245.02, "text": "A damn master reads the room in real fucking time throws one filthy ass line as a probe watches the reaction adjusts his whole damn set right on the fly."}, {"start": 245.02, "end": 256.86, "text": "That's the damn difference between an amateur and a pro. The amateur cusses causes asses excited. The pro cusses cause he already knows that shit'll land."}, {"start": 256.86, "end": 267.86, "text": "A mistimed cuss ain't just embarrassing shit it's expensive as fuck. Lost jobs, lost girlfriends, lost invitations, all cause your damn mouth out ran the whole fucking room."}, {"start": 267.86, "end": 279.98, "text": "So before every single cuss leaves your ass ask yourself one damn question. Is this room a filthy ass club or is it my ass on a funeral pew?"}, {"start": 279.98, "end": 294.07, "text": "Get that damn answer wrong once you're a dumbass with bad manners get it right every fucking time you're the most dangerous mouth in any damn room period."}, {"start": 294.07, "end": 298.07, "text": "Class dismissed the hammer good night you filthy motherfuckers."}, {"start": 298.07, "end": 314.7, "text": "And that is our show but the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 314.7, "end": 342.7, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours seven days a week fresh stand up freshly roasted never reheated can't sleep we're up going through something so is he always so come back you beautiful degenerates go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark wins the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 342.7, "end": 346.7, "text": "Subscribe he needs the attention good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club. Tonight, the only stage on earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Alright you filthy fucks. Sit your ass down. Tonight ain't about how the fuck to cuss. It's about when and half you dumb asses can't tell the fucking difference. The same damn fuck that gets a standing ovation at my shitty club will get your ass dragged out a door somewhere else in four fucking seconds flat. Rule one dumb ass. You read the damn room before you swing your dick not after, because after's just a shitty ass apology and nobody claps for a sorry ass apology. Let's start with a damn baby shower. Pastel bullshit balloons everywhere. Some lady goes, isn't he precious and your dumb ass goes, he's a shit machine with a fat ass face. That whole damn room went from cooling to funeral ass silent in half a second flat. Now try a fucking funeral. Man's in the damn casket, his widows bawling her ass off and you lean in, whisper, least the ugly bastard ain't dead broke no more. Shit. That's the damn sound of 40 people deciding your ass ain't never getting invited to shit again. Job interview, ass in the stiff chair, guy asks your biggest weakness and you say, shit I give a fuck less than I should. Congrats your unemployed as fuck. That damn handshake at the end wasn't respect. That was security getting called with his damn eyes shit. Now the real final boss, shit. Dinner with her damn parents, China plates, everybody's head bowed for one quiet ass second and you blurt past the fucking potatoes way too loud. Her damn mother staring at your ass like you just lit the fucking tablecloth on fire. See the pattern dumb asses? Every one of those cusses was funny as hell. Every single one landed on the wrong damn stage. That's the whole fucking lesson right there. Timing is 90 damn percent of this shit. Same exact fucking line that's a killer joke at midnight is a felony as fuck at Sunday brunch with your grandma's ass. So how's a damn pro reader room before he swings his ass out there? You test that shit small first, one little damn or hell. See who the fuck flinches? They laugh soft, you got room, they go stiff. Shut your ass down now. Watch the crowds damn hands. Watch their damn drinks. A room drinking heavy and leaning the fucking wants filth. A room sipping water wants a nice ass magic trick instead. Age matters too shit. Grandma at 80 might cuss like a damn trucker but Aunt Carol who runs the damn church newsletter will faint dead ass on the fucking floor. That's a damn body you gotta explain to paramedics because you couldn't hold one damn word shit. A damn master reads the room in real fucking time throws one filthy ass line as a probe watches the reaction adjusts his whole damn set right on the fly. That's the damn difference between an amateur and a pro. The amateur cusses causes asses excited. The pro cusses cause he already knows that shit'll land. A mistimed cuss ain't just embarrassing shit it's expensive as fuck. Lost jobs, lost girlfriends, lost invitations, all cause your damn mouth out ran the whole fucking room. So before every single cuss leaves your ass ask yourself one damn question. Is this room a filthy ass club or is it my ass on a funeral pew? Get that damn answer wrong once you're a dumbass with bad manners get it right every fucking time you're the most dangerous mouth in any damn room period. Class dismissed the hammer good night you filthy motherfuckers. And that is our show but the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours seven days a week fresh stand up freshly roasted never reheated can't sleep we're up going through something so is he always so come back you beautiful degenerates go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark wins the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe he needs the attention good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}