{"file": "prof_perfect_insult_TG.mp3", "duration_sec": 362.9, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.18, "end": 11.18, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club."}, {"start": 11.18, "end": 19.18, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.18, "end": 28.18, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.18, "end": 37.28, "text": "Sit your dumb asses down, you filthy fucks. Tonight's lecture is the anatomy of the perfect fucking insult."}, {"start": 37.28, "end": 49.06, "text": "Every insult on this shit ass earth has three parts. The target, the shitty crime, and the filthy fucking noun you bolt on the end like a warhead."}, {"start": 49.06, "end": 61.01, "text": "Step 1. Pick your target. You dumb shit. You're cheating uncle. You're lying ass ex. The asshole at the DMV breathing through his fat ass mouth."}, {"start": 61.01, "end": 73.89, "text": "Step 2. Find their crime and don't have acid. Not you're a dumb shit. I need the exact dumb ass thing they did like a full ass police report."}, {"start": 73.89, "end": 84.65, "text": "Step 3. Bolt on the filthy fucking noun. Shit stained, cock waffle, dick cheese, ass goblin, whatever filthy shit rhymes with your rage."}, {"start": 84.65, "end": 99.45, "text": "Lesson 1. Listen close you dumb asses. You're an asshole is fucking garbage. That's a pussy insult a toddler throws from a shitty high chair."}, {"start": 99.45, "end": 107.45, "text": "Compare that weak ass shit to you're the kind of asshole who claps when the fucking plane lands. One's a punch, one's a limp dick shrug."}, {"start": 107.45, "end": 118.1, "text": "That's the clap you shit for brains. Ain't nobody scared of the clap. The clap gets your dumb ass fucking stuck in a middle seat forever."}, {"start": 118.1, "end": 133.06, "text": "Specific always beats generic bullshit because generic could be about any dumb motherfucker and specific means your ass been watching this shit head close."}, {"start": 133.06, "end": 143.06, "text": "So take that fucker's real actual embarrassing ass behavior and marry it straight to the filthy ass noun. That's the shotgun wedding you sick fucks."}, {"start": 143.06, "end": 154.44, "text": "Bad ass example, you're stupid. Good ass example. You're the dumb ass who reads the ingredients on a condom box out loud at the fucking pharmacy."}, {"start": 154.44, "end": 165.62, "text": "You feel that shit? That's a scalpel. Not a dumb ass hammer. A scalpel cuts exact as fuck. A hammer just leaves a bruise nobody remembers your dumb ass for."}, {"start": 165.62, "end": 181.45, "text": "Lesson two you filthy fucks escalation. Don't fire your best shit first. Build it like a staircase made out of shit and regret. Start soft. You're an idiot. Then specific."}, {"start": 181.45, "end": 189.45, "text": "You're the idiot who microwaved a damn fork. Then filthy as hell. You microwaving dickhead motherfucker."}, {"start": 189.45, "end": 199.59, "text": "Each rungs got to hurt worse than the last shitty rung or you're just repeating your ass like a fucking drunk uncle at the damn reunion."}, {"start": 199.59, "end": 209.66, "text": "Step step step then boom filthy noun straight to hell right in his dumb ass face you sick fuck."}, {"start": 209.66, "end": 221.32, "text": "Lesson three dumb bastards the nouns got to match the crime. Don't call a cheater a plain shithead call his ass a fucking come stain with a secret burner phone."}, {"start": 221.32, "end": 233.04, "text": "The nouns the punctuation the crimes the sentence you put a period where a fucking exclamation point goes and the whole shit ass joke dies."}, {"start": 233.04, "end": 241.04, "text": "Try this filthy shit on your worst fucking coworker. You're the kind of reply all dickhead who says just saw this like a lying piece of shit."}, {"start": 241.04, "end": 251.79, "text": "See how specific makes the whole damn room go oh shit I know that exact motherfucker that recognitions the whole fucking engine."}, {"start": 251.79, "end": 264.23, "text": "Final lesson and I mean this shit keep it human attack the fucking behavior not bodies people sure as shit didn't choose or you're just a bullshit bully with a thosaurus."}, {"start": 264.23, "end": 275.11, "text": "A perfect fucking insult makes the whole damn room laugh and wince like watching some dumb ass trip and still catch his nachos."}, {"start": 275.11, "end": 288.19, "text": "Homework you filthy motherfuckers find one true specific embarrassing ass thing about somebody you hate build the staircase bolt the noun on top you crazy fuck."}, {"start": 288.19, "end": 300.91, "text": "That's the whole shitty filthy formula target crime noun escalate keep it human and never throw another weak ass generic ass insult again in your fucking life."}, {"start": 300.91, "end": 334.81, "text": "Class dismissed the hammer good night you filthy motherfuckers and that is our show but the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up and another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours seven days a week fresh stand up freshly roasted never reheated can't sleep."}, {"start": 334.81, "end": 357.81, "text": "We're up going through something so is he always so come back you beautiful degenerates go to bomb dot app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always jessie's fault subscribe he needs the attention good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Sit your dumb asses down, you filthy fucks. Tonight's lecture is the anatomy of the perfect fucking insult. Every insult on this shit ass earth has three parts. The target, the shitty crime, and the filthy fucking noun you bolt on the end like a warhead. Step 1. Pick your target. You dumb shit. You're cheating uncle. You're lying ass ex. The asshole at the DMV breathing through his fat ass mouth. Step 2. Find their crime and don't have acid. Not you're a dumb shit. I need the exact dumb ass thing they did like a full ass police report. Step 3. Bolt on the filthy fucking noun. Shit stained, cock waffle, dick cheese, ass goblin, whatever filthy shit rhymes with your rage. Lesson 1. Listen close you dumb asses. You're an asshole is fucking garbage. That's a pussy insult a toddler throws from a shitty high chair. Compare that weak ass shit to you're the kind of asshole who claps when the fucking plane lands. One's a punch, one's a limp dick shrug. That's the clap you shit for brains. Ain't nobody scared of the clap. The clap gets your dumb ass fucking stuck in a middle seat forever. Specific always beats generic bullshit because generic could be about any dumb motherfucker and specific means your ass been watching this shit head close. So take that fucker's real actual embarrassing ass behavior and marry it straight to the filthy ass noun. That's the shotgun wedding you sick fucks. Bad ass example, you're stupid. Good ass example. You're the dumb ass who reads the ingredients on a condom box out loud at the fucking pharmacy. You feel that shit? That's a scalpel. Not a dumb ass hammer. A scalpel cuts exact as fuck. A hammer just leaves a bruise nobody remembers your dumb ass for. Lesson two you filthy fucks escalation. Don't fire your best shit first. Build it like a staircase made out of shit and regret. Start soft. You're an idiot. Then specific. You're the idiot who microwaved a damn fork. Then filthy as hell. You microwaving dickhead motherfucker. Each rungs got to hurt worse than the last shitty rung or you're just repeating your ass like a fucking drunk uncle at the damn reunion. Step step step then boom filthy noun straight to hell right in his dumb ass face you sick fuck. Lesson three dumb bastards the nouns got to match the crime. Don't call a cheater a plain shithead call his ass a fucking come stain with a secret burner phone. The nouns the punctuation the crimes the sentence you put a period where a fucking exclamation point goes and the whole shit ass joke dies. Try this filthy shit on your worst fucking coworker. You're the kind of reply all dickhead who says just saw this like a lying piece of shit. See how specific makes the whole damn room go oh shit I know that exact motherfucker that recognitions the whole fucking engine. Final lesson and I mean this shit keep it human attack the fucking behavior not bodies people sure as shit didn't choose or you're just a bullshit bully with a thosaurus. A perfect fucking insult makes the whole damn room laugh and wince like watching some dumb ass trip and still catch his nachos. Homework you filthy motherfuckers find one true specific embarrassing ass thing about somebody you hate build the staircase bolt the noun on top you crazy fuck. That's the whole shitty filthy formula target crime noun escalate keep it human and never throw another weak ass generic ass insult again in your fucking life. Class dismissed the hammer good night you filthy motherfuckers and that is our show but the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up and another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours seven days a week fresh stand up freshly roasted never reheated can't sleep. We're up going through something so is he always so come back you beautiful degenerates go to bomb dot app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always jessie's fault subscribe he needs the attention good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}