{"file": "prof_clapback_TG.mp3", "duration_sec": 388.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.18, "end": 9.7, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the"}, {"start": 9.7, "end": 11.7, "text": "Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.7, "end": 16.94, "text": "Tonight the only stage on earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup"}, {"start": 16.94, "end": 21.18, "text": "of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary"}, {"start": 21.18, "end": 22.18, "text": "tale."}, {"start": 22.18, "end": 24.18, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 24.18, "end": 25.58, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.58, "end": 27.02, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 27.02, "end": 31.81, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 31.81, "end": 34.21, "text": "Sit your filthy asses down motherfuckers."}, {"start": 34.21, "end": 39.05, "text": "Your face fucking class is the art of the fucking clap back and by the end you'll turn any"}, {"start": 39.05, "end": 44.5, "text": "heckler into a fucking footnote."}, {"start": 44.5, "end": 45.5, "text": "Lesson 1."}, {"start": 45.5, "end": 47.5, "text": "Don't punch up like a scared little bitch."}, {"start": 47.5, "end": 49.38, "text": "Punch the fuck down with precision."}, {"start": 49.38, "end": 52.66, "text": "You ain't there to fight, you're there to make his dumb fucking ass wish he'd shut"}, {"start": 52.66, "end": 57.02, "text": "the fuck up."}, {"start": 57.02, "end": 59.7, "text": "Some drunk fuck yells, you ain't funny."}, {"start": 59.7, "end": 61.34, "text": "I don't blink, I say."}, {"start": 61.34, "end": 65.5, "text": "Neither's your daddy's vasectomy and that shit actually fucking worked, unlike your"}, {"start": 65.5, "end": 69.68, "text": "ass."}, {"start": 69.68, "end": 74.52, "text": "No yelling, no sweat, just one clean fucking cut to the throat and I'm right back to my"}, {"start": 74.52, "end": 82.28, "text": "next fucking joke while his dumb fucking ass sits there bleeding out in shame."}, {"start": 82.28, "end": 83.28, "text": "Lesson 2."}, {"start": 83.28, "end": 87.6, "text": "The quiet reply beats the loud fucking one every damn time."}, {"start": 87.6, "end": 90.04, "text": "Screaming back makes you look like a scared ass bitch."}, {"start": 90.04, "end": 92.76, "text": "Whispering it makes you look like pure fucking evil."}, {"start": 92.76, "end": 96.98, "text": "No shit."}, {"start": 96.98, "end": 102.26, "text": "Some asshole hollers get off the stage and I lean in soft as hell and go, I would."}, {"start": 102.62, "end": 110.99, "text": "But then who the fuck would be the only interesting shit in this whole dead ass fucking bar?"}, {"start": 110.99, "end": 115.51, "text": "That quiet little dagger fucks his ass up worse than any scream ever could cause now the"}, {"start": 115.51, "end": 119.87, "text": "whole damn rooms laughing at his ass in dead fucking silence."}, {"start": 119.87, "end": 123.11, "text": "Lesson 3."}, {"start": 123.11, "end": 127.71, "text": "Take their own bullshit insult and shove it right the fuck back down their fucking throat."}, {"start": 127.71, "end": 129.47, "text": "Recycling's good for the planet."}, {"start": 129.47, "end": 135.19, "text": "Damn great for gutting fucking assholes."}, {"start": 135.19, "end": 138.75, "text": "Some clown screams, you're ugly and I fire back."}, {"start": 138.75, "end": 142.59, "text": "Damn, did your girlfriend write that shit for you before she left your sorry ass for"}, {"start": 142.59, "end": 147.02, "text": "me dumb ass?"}, {"start": 147.02, "end": 148.34, "text": "I didn't invent shit."}, {"start": 148.34, "end": 152.62, "text": "I just took his own fucking bullshit and shoved it back with interest and now his whole"}, {"start": 152.62, "end": 160.02, "text": "damn tables laughing their asses off harder than his sorry ass did."}, {"start": 160.02, "end": 161.02, "text": "Lesson 4."}, {"start": 161.02, "end": 162.02, "text": "The delayed comeback."}, {"start": 162.02, "end": 163.74, "text": "You sneaky son of a bitch."}, {"start": 163.74, "end": 165.18, "text": "Let the room think it's over."}, {"start": 165.18, "end": 166.98, "text": "Let his dumb ass feel safe."}, {"start": 166.98, "end": 172.78, "text": "Then drop the fucking bomb 30 fucking seconds later."}, {"start": 172.78, "end": 174.38, "text": "Some idiot yells dumb shit."}, {"start": 174.38, "end": 179.26, "text": "I move on, tell two more fucking jokes, then casually go, that fucking guy over there"}, {"start": 179.26, "end": 187.46, "text": "still thinks wifi is magic dumb ass and the whole damn bar howls."}, {"start": 187.46, "end": 191.98, "text": "He thought he got away clean and that's exactly when you gut his ass."}, {"start": 191.98, "end": 195.54, "text": "Nothing hurts worse than getting kicked in the fucking dick right after your dumb ass"}, {"start": 195.54, "end": 197.58, "text": "already relaxed."}, {"start": 199.58, "end": 200.78, "text": "Lesson 5."}, {"start": 200.78, "end": 203.82, "text": "And this is the fucking commandment you filthy motherfuckers."}, {"start": 203.82, "end": 208.42, "text": "You always get the last fucking word even if you got to drag your ass back next Tuesday"}, {"start": 208.42, "end": 212.84, "text": "to say it."}, {"start": 212.84, "end": 216.48, "text": "Somebody yells, you suck and I point right the fuck back?"}, {"start": 216.48, "end": 222.44, "text": "Yeah, ask your mama, she'll confirm that shit personally in filthy fucking detail."}, {"start": 222.44, "end": 225.62, "text": "Boom."}, {"start": 225.62, "end": 226.62, "text": "Dead."}, {"start": 226.62, "end": 227.62, "text": "Buried."}, {"start": 227.62, "end": 229.22, "text": "That's the whole fucking lesson."}, {"start": 229.22, "end": 230.7, "text": "Short, filthy, final."}, {"start": 230.7, "end": 238.59, "text": "No rebuttal, no comeback, not one shot left in his sorry fucking ass."}, {"start": 238.59, "end": 243.35, "text": "Here's the combo move that separates the amateurs from the fucking killers, stack calm,"}, {"start": 243.35, "end": 251.52, "text": "quiet, recycled and delayed all in one filthy ass fucking shot, no bullshit."}, {"start": 251.52, "end": 256.48, "text": "Some dumb ass screams, this shows trash and I don't even look the fuck up, I go, so's"}, {"start": 256.48, "end": 264.74, "text": "your search history and my trash still gets more applause than your sorry ass."}, {"start": 264.74, "end": 269.3, "text": "I never raised my fucking voice once, the whole bit landed like a scalpel, not a fucking"}, {"start": 269.3, "end": 276.9, "text": "sledgehammer, that's the shit that separates a killer from a fucking dumb ass amateur."}, {"start": 276.9, "end": 281.94, "text": "Biggest mistake these dumb asses make is getting fucking loud and defensive as fuck, which just"}, {"start": 281.94, "end": 285.86, "text": "tells the whole room the punch landed dead fucking center."}, {"start": 285.86, "end": 291.38, "text": "Never let them see your bruised ass bleed."}, {"start": 291.38, "end": 297.14, "text": "Stay calm, stay filthy, aim low, wait for your fucking window and always, always walk your"}, {"start": 297.14, "end": 304.9, "text": "ass away with the last laugh stuff deep in your damn fucking pocket."}, {"start": 304.9, "end": 308.1, "text": "Practice this shit in the mirror, on your friends, on your enemies, till the fucking"}, {"start": 308.1, "end": 312.1, "text": "comeback flies out your mouth before your dumb ass brain finishes being pissed the fuck"}, {"start": 312.1, "end": 316.3, "text": "off."}, {"start": 316.3, "end": 321.38, "text": "That's the whole filthy ass art you beautiful degenerates, precision over volume, patience"}, {"start": 321.38, "end": 330.21, "text": "over panic and a filthy ass mouth nasty enough to make it hurt twice as fucking bad."}, {"start": 330.21, "end": 341.08, "text": "Class dismissed, the hammer, good night you filthy motherfuckers, and that?"}, {"start": 341.08, "end": 342.8, "text": "Is our show?"}, {"start": 342.8, "end": 349.36, "text": "But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day, a brand new"}, {"start": 349.36, "end": 355.8, "text": "comic steps up, and another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a"}, {"start": 355.8, "end": 360.16, "text": "week, fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 360.16, "end": 365.6, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up, going through something, so is he, always."}, {"start": 365.6, "end": 371.44, "text": "So come back you beautiful degenerates, go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh,"}, {"start": 371.44, "end": 377.04, "text": "before the dark winds, the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there,"}, {"start": 377.04, "end": 379.52, "text": "it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 379.52, "end": 382.08, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 382.08, "end": 382.4, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight the only stage on earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Sit your filthy asses down motherfuckers. Your face fucking class is the art of the fucking clap back and by the end you'll turn any heckler into a fucking footnote. Lesson 1. Don't punch up like a scared little bitch. Punch the fuck down with precision. You ain't there to fight, you're there to make his dumb fucking ass wish he'd shut the fuck up. Some drunk fuck yells, you ain't funny. I don't blink, I say. Neither's your daddy's vasectomy and that shit actually fucking worked, unlike your ass. No yelling, no sweat, just one clean fucking cut to the throat and I'm right back to my next fucking joke while his dumb fucking ass sits there bleeding out in shame. Lesson 2. The quiet reply beats the loud fucking one every damn time. Screaming back makes you look like a scared ass bitch. Whispering it makes you look like pure fucking evil. No shit. Some asshole hollers get off the stage and I lean in soft as hell and go, I would. But then who the fuck would be the only interesting shit in this whole dead ass fucking bar? That quiet little dagger fucks his ass up worse than any scream ever could cause now the whole damn rooms laughing at his ass in dead fucking silence. Lesson 3. Take their own bullshit insult and shove it right the fuck back down their fucking throat. Recycling's good for the planet. Damn great for gutting fucking assholes. Some clown screams, you're ugly and I fire back. Damn, did your girlfriend write that shit for you before she left your sorry ass for me dumb ass? I didn't invent shit. I just took his own fucking bullshit and shoved it back with interest and now his whole damn tables laughing their asses off harder than his sorry ass did. Lesson 4. The delayed comeback. You sneaky son of a bitch. Let the room think it's over. Let his dumb ass feel safe. Then drop the fucking bomb 30 fucking seconds later. Some idiot yells dumb shit. I move on, tell two more fucking jokes, then casually go, that fucking guy over there still thinks wifi is magic dumb ass and the whole damn bar howls. He thought he got away clean and that's exactly when you gut his ass. Nothing hurts worse than getting kicked in the fucking dick right after your dumb ass already relaxed. Lesson 5. And this is the fucking commandment you filthy motherfuckers. You always get the last fucking word even if you got to drag your ass back next Tuesday to say it. Somebody yells, you suck and I point right the fuck back? Yeah, ask your mama, she'll confirm that shit personally in filthy fucking detail. Boom. Dead. Buried. That's the whole fucking lesson. Short, filthy, final. No rebuttal, no comeback, not one shot left in his sorry fucking ass. Here's the combo move that separates the amateurs from the fucking killers, stack calm, quiet, recycled and delayed all in one filthy ass fucking shot, no bullshit. Some dumb ass screams, this shows trash and I don't even look the fuck up, I go, so's your search history and my trash still gets more applause than your sorry ass. I never raised my fucking voice once, the whole bit landed like a scalpel, not a fucking sledgehammer, that's the shit that separates a killer from a fucking dumb ass amateur. Biggest mistake these dumb asses make is getting fucking loud and defensive as fuck, which just tells the whole room the punch landed dead fucking center. Never let them see your bruised ass bleed. Stay calm, stay filthy, aim low, wait for your fucking window and always, always walk your ass away with the last laugh stuff deep in your damn fucking pocket. Practice this shit in the mirror, on your friends, on your enemies, till the fucking comeback flies out your mouth before your dumb ass brain finishes being pissed the fuck off. That's the whole filthy ass art you beautiful degenerates, precision over volume, patience over panic and a filthy ass mouth nasty enough to make it hurt twice as fucking bad. Class dismissed, the hammer, good night you filthy motherfuckers, and that? Is our show? But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day, a brand new comic steps up, and another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week, fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up, going through something, so is he, always. So come back you beautiful degenerates, go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh, before the dark winds, the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}