{"file": "killjesse-filthy-claude.mp3", "duration_sec": 159.3, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.48, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, strap the fuck in."}, {"start": 2.48, "end": 4.56, "text": "This is Kill Jesse, the filthy one."}, {"start": 4.56, "end": 6.68, "text": "No clean version, no apology."}, {"start": 6.68, "end": 9.16, "text": "One buzzed maniac who's been drinking and smoking"}, {"start": 9.16, "end": 11.12, "text": "since he was 14 and still out works."}, {"start": 11.12, "end": 13.32, "text": "Every clean live and bastard in Sacramento."}, {"start": 13.32, "end": 14.56, "text": "They call him the hammer."}, {"start": 14.56, "end": 18.82, "text": "Here's the dirty truth about Jesse."}, {"start": 18.82, "end": 21.74, "text": "This man closes so hard it's basically a crime."}, {"start": 21.74, "end": 23.26, "text": "You call for a cleaning quote."}, {"start": 23.26, "end": 25.62, "text": "He's in your driveway before you hang up."}, {"start": 25.62, "end": 27.14, "text": "I just wanted a price."}, {"start": 27.14, "end": 28.66, "text": "He's already got the mop out."}, {"start": 28.66, "end": 31.7, "text": "Sir, initial here and here."}, {"start": 31.7, "end": 32.9, "text": "Good boy."}, {"start": 32.9, "end": 34.22, "text": "You didn't hire a cleaner."}, {"start": 34.22, "end": 43.69, "text": "You got fucking colonized."}, {"start": 43.69, "end": 47.93, "text": "He's been high since 14, beer in one hand, joint in the other."}, {"start": 47.93, "end": 51.25, "text": "And the weed's been begging this man to relax for 40 years."}, {"start": 51.25, "end": 52.17, "text": "It cannot."}, {"start": 52.17, "end": 54.05, "text": "Most people smoke to chill out."}, {"start": 54.05, "end": 56.61, "text": "Jesse smokes and starts a fourth fucking business."}, {"start": 56.61, "end": 66.78, "text": "He's the only stoner alive who's dealer told him to slow down."}, {"start": 66.78, "end": 68.86, "text": "Divorced engagements, he stopped counting."}, {"start": 68.86, "end": 70.26, "text": "Women love him and leave him."}, {"start": 70.26, "end": 73.3, "text": "And he did every bit of it buzzed, loud, and dead certain"}, {"start": 73.3, "end": 74.18, "text": "he was right."}, {"start": 74.18, "end": 76.34, "text": "Got the liver of a man twice his size"}, {"start": 76.34, "end": 78.26, "text": "and the love life of a house fire."}, {"start": 78.26, "end": 86.37, "text": "Beautiful to watch, terrible to date."}, {"start": 86.37, "end": 89.65, "text": "He films himself shirtless for a channel called Wagg Chest."}, {"start": 89.65, "end": 92.53, "text": "21,000 people watching his fucking titties."}, {"start": 92.53, "end": 94.21, "text": "And he closes that too."}, {"start": 94.21, "end": 97.09, "text": "Turned taking his shirt off into a revenue stream."}, {"start": 97.09, "end": 109.44, "text": "This man would monetize a sneeze if you handed him a tripod."}, {"start": 109.44, "end": 111.84, "text": "No wife, no kids, three dogs."}, {"start": 111.84, "end": 116.64, "text": "And the dogs are the only ones who ever told this man no and lived."}, {"start": 116.64, "end": 118.84, "text": "The pitmull took his side of the bed."}, {"start": 118.84, "end": 120.68, "text": "Jesse slept on the floor."}, {"start": 120.68, "end": 124.32, "text": "50 years old, the hammer, the man who can't take no from a human"}, {"start": 124.32, "end": 132.38, "text": "on the floor for a dog by choice."}, {"start": 132.38, "end": 134.58, "text": "But here's the filthy truth under the filth."}, {"start": 134.58, "end": 136.58, "text": "Life had this man dead to rights."}, {"start": 136.58, "end": 137.5, "text": "Should have buried him."}, {"start": 137.5, "end": 139.62, "text": "He stared it down, walked out on grit,"}, {"start": 139.62, "end": 142.74, "text": "and a miracle grabbed a mop and built a whole fucking empire out"}, {"start": 142.74, "end": 143.42, "text": "of the dirt."}, {"start": 143.42, "end": 145.34, "text": "High, broke, loud, and laughing."}, {"start": 145.34, "end": 146.74, "text": "You cannot kill the hammer."}, {"start": 146.74, "end": 148.86, "text": "Believe me, life fucking tried."}, {"start": 148.86, "end": 150.02, "text": "Kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nLadies and gentlemen, strap the fuck in. This is Kill Jesse, the filthy one. No clean version, no apology. One buzzed maniac who's been drinking and smoking since he was 14 and still out works. Every clean live and bastard in Sacramento. They call him the hammer. Here's the dirty truth about Jesse. This man closes so hard it's basically a crime. You call for a cleaning quote. He's in your driveway before you hang up. I just wanted a price. He's already got the mop out. Sir, initial here and here. Good boy. You didn't hire a cleaner. You got fucking colonized. He's been high since 14, beer in one hand, joint in the other. And the weed's been begging this man to relax for 40 years. It cannot. Most people smoke to chill out. Jesse smokes and starts a fourth fucking business. He's the only stoner alive who's dealer told him to slow down. Divorced engagements, he stopped counting. Women love him and leave him. And he did every bit of it buzzed, loud, and dead certain he was right. Got the liver of a man twice his size and the love life of a house fire. Beautiful to watch, terrible to date. He films himself shirtless for a channel called Wagg Chest. 21,000 people watching his fucking titties. And he closes that too. Turned taking his shirt off into a revenue stream. This man would monetize a sneeze if you handed him a tripod. No wife, no kids, three dogs. And the dogs are the only ones who ever told this man no and lived. The pitmull took his side of the bed. Jesse slept on the floor. 50 years old, the hammer, the man who can't take no from a human on the floor for a dog by choice. But here's the filthy truth under the filth. Life had this man dead to rights. Should have buried him. He stared it down, walked out on grit, and a miracle grabbed a mop and built a whole fucking empire out of the dirt. High, broke, loud, and laughing. You cannot kill the hammer. Believe me, life fucking tried. Kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}