{"file": "extra-dirty-cut.mp3", "duration_sec": 308.7, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 7.6, "text": "For the back room only, the extra dirty cut, no kids, no cameras, no fucking filter, rock-rooted nasty. Here's Jesse!"}, {"start": 14.69, "end": 19.79, "text": "What's up you filthy motherfuckers? This is the dirty one, the version they don't put on the menu."}, {"start": 20.09, "end": 25.59, "text": "I clean shit for a living and talk shit for free, and tonight I'm doing both at full fucking volume."}, {"start": 32.02, "end": 37.52, "text": "I'm 50 broke single three dogs, no woman, my Dix filed a missing persons report on my love life."}, {"start": 38.02, "end": 44.02, "text": "Last thing that touched me with intention was a TSA agent and honestly, he was thorough, I tipped."}, {"start": 54.5, "end": 57.0, "text": "I proposed nine fucking times with ring pops."}, {"start": 57.5, "end": 62.5, "text": "Nine, the jeweler sees me common and locks the case like I'm gonna rob him with a coupon."}, {"start": 63.0, "end": 68.5, "text": "Nine women looked at a candy ring and said no, with their mouth full of NY sugar the dickheads."}, {"start": 75.28, "end": 81.28, "text": "I clean cat houses covered in dog hair, I'm a double agent in the fur war and both sides want me fucking dead."}, {"start": 81.28, "end": 84.28, "text": "I showed up to a Folsom job, guy answers shirtless."}, {"start": 84.78, "end": 89.78, "text": "Can you clean in lingerie? I said, I can clean with a police report you absolute asshole."}, {"start": 90.28, "end": 92.28, "text": "Quoted it made hundred for the trauma."}, {"start": 102.74, "end": 106.74, "text": "Jesse medically you got the bank account of a teenager in the back of a crypt keeper."}, {"start": 107.24, "end": 112.24, "text": "You pulled a muscle picking up a quarter negative return on a coin, you broke ass motherfucker."}, {"start": 113.24, "end": 123.05, "text": "Doc, my back went out so hard during sex once the woman thought it was a kink."}, {"start": 123.55, "end": 126.05, "text": "It wasn't, that was a man dying for content."}, {"start": 126.55, "end": 130.05, "text": "I came and went to the ER in the same hour efficient baby."}, {"start": 130.55, "end": 147.06, "text": "Jesse baby, you so broke and horny you out here finance an EGGS and edgens to the AC bill."}, {"start": 147.56, "end": 152.56, "text": "Your right hand left you for a man with better wi-fi and you still text it you up."}, {"start": 152.56, "end": 153.56, "text": "You know what?"}, {"start": 156.56, "end": 166.98, "text": "She ain't lying, I haven't had sex in so long my body is a fucking museum exhibit closed gift shop bankrupt."}, {"start": 167.48, "end": 170.48, "text": "Dosen quit out of pity. The cobwebs got cobwebs."}, {"start": 170.98, "end": 174.48, "text": "A spider moved in paid rent and even he's seeing somebody."}, {"start": 185.2, "end": 187.2, "text": "Jesse you cheap dirty bastard."}, {"start": 188.2, "end": 193.2, "text": "Three Teslas, zero dollars and a haunted stove that you paid 804."}, {"start": 193.2, "end": 198.2, "text": "Your car drives itself because it's trying to get the fuck away from you."}, {"start": 198.2, "end": 200.2, "text": "You beautiful disaster."}, {"start": 201.2, "end": 208.68, "text": "The Tesla autopilot into my excess house once and I let it."}, {"start": 209.68, "end": 211.68, "text": "Sad in the driveway like a creep with great mileage."}, {"start": 212.68, "end": 216.68, "text": "That's the most action that cars seem to were the same me and the Tesla."}, {"start": 216.68, "end": 219.68, "text": "Fully charged, nowhere to go, nobody riding either of us."}, {"start": 230.47, "end": 235.47, "text": "Jesse you wanted filth, you're 50 and the only thing that goes down on you is your credit score."}, {"start": 235.47, "end": 239.47, "text": "Your sex life's so dead the funeral home left a yelp review."}, {"start": 240.47, "end": 242.47, "text": "One star, nothing to bury."}, {"start": 243.47, "end": 255.06, "text": "Ugh!"}, {"start": 255.06, "end": 257.06, "text": "And I love it you sick fucks."}, {"start": 257.06, "end": 262.06, "text": "I grew up loud, broke and laughing through the pain at a kitchen table while something burned on the stove."}, {"start": 262.06, "end": 265.06, "text": "So this right here the dirtiest fucking room in Sacramento."}, {"start": 266.06, "end": 269.11, "text": "This is home."}, {"start": 271.11, "end": 277.11, "text": "I'm 50 single broke three dogs, nine ring pops, a haunted stove and a dick that's basically decorative and I'm still up here laughing on the table."}, {"start": 278.11, "end": 281.11, "text": "I'm just a purpose you dirty bastards, best mother fucker in the room."}, {"start": 281.11, "end": 284.11, "text": "The one who turned all this shit into a punchline."}, {"start": 284.11, "end": 286.11, "text": "Me last fucking laughs mine."}, {"start": 286.11, "end": 298.39, "text": "That was the extra dirty cut for Jesse's ears only."}, {"start": 298.39, "end": 301.39, "text": "Wash your hands, hide the kids, kill Jesse."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nFor the back room only, the extra dirty cut, no kids, no cameras, no fucking filter, rock-rooted nasty. Here's Jesse! What's up you filthy motherfuckers? This is the dirty one, the version they don't put on the menu. I clean shit for a living and talk shit for free, and tonight I'm doing both at full fucking volume. I'm 50 broke single three dogs, no woman, my Dix filed a missing persons report on my love life. Last thing that touched me with intention was a TSA agent and honestly, he was thorough, I tipped. I proposed nine fucking times with ring pops. Nine, the jeweler sees me common and locks the case like I'm gonna rob him with a coupon. Nine women looked at a candy ring and said no, with their mouth full of NY sugar the dickheads. I clean cat houses covered in dog hair, I'm a double agent in the fur war and both sides want me fucking dead. I showed up to a Folsom job, guy answers shirtless. Can you clean in lingerie? I said, I can clean with a police report you absolute asshole. Quoted it made hundred for the trauma. Jesse medically you got the bank account of a teenager in the back of a crypt keeper. You pulled a muscle picking up a quarter negative return on a coin, you broke ass motherfucker. Doc, my back went out so hard during sex once the woman thought it was a kink. It wasn't, that was a man dying for content. I came and went to the ER in the same hour efficient baby. Jesse baby, you so broke and horny you out here finance an EGGS and edgens to the AC bill. Your right hand left you for a man with better wi-fi and you still text it you up. You know what? She ain't lying, I haven't had sex in so long my body is a fucking museum exhibit closed gift shop bankrupt. Dosen quit out of pity. The cobwebs got cobwebs. A spider moved in paid rent and even he's seeing somebody. Jesse you cheap dirty bastard. Three Teslas, zero dollars and a haunted stove that you paid 804. Your car drives itself because it's trying to get the fuck away from you. You beautiful disaster. The Tesla autopilot into my excess house once and I let it. Sad in the driveway like a creep with great mileage. That's the most action that cars seem to were the same me and the Tesla. Fully charged, nowhere to go, nobody riding either of us. Jesse you wanted filth, you're 50 and the only thing that goes down on you is your credit score. Your sex life's so dead the funeral home left a yelp review. One star, nothing to bury. Ugh! And I love it you sick fucks. I grew up loud, broke and laughing through the pain at a kitchen table while something burned on the stove. So this right here the dirtiest fucking room in Sacramento. This is home. I'm 50 single broke three dogs, nine ring pops, a haunted stove and a dick that's basically decorative and I'm still up here laughing on the table. I'm just a purpose you dirty bastards, best mother fucker in the room. The one who turned all this shit into a punchline. Me last fucking laughs mine. That was the extra dirty cut for Jesse's ears only. Wash your hands, hide the kids, kill Jesse.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}