{"file": "conf_fired_for_a_color_TG.mp3", "duration_sec": 300.8, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.18, "end": 11.18, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club."}, {"start": 11.18, "end": 21.68, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.68, "end": 28.18, "text": "This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 31.75, "end": 36.25, "text": "Now here's my most recent fuck up. You filthy degenerates and it's the crown jewel."}, {"start": 36.25, "end": 47.1, "text": "I lost a cushy state job over the dumbest damn thing imaginable. You ready? A coworker said I called her a yellow personality."}, {"start": 47.1, "end": 54.1, "text": "That's it. That's the whole crime, motherfuckers. Not the felony, not the fights, a color. And here's the fucked up part."}, {"start": 54.1, "end": 61.1, "text": "My whole brand is colors. I built a personality system on it. I'm out here teaching the world about red, blue, green and yellow."}, {"start": 61.1, "end": 73.21, "text": "And I get walked out the door for Colin Karen, a damn yellow. I'm the only man alive who got fired by his own business model. That's like the Colonel getting arrested for chicken."}, {"start": 73.21, "end": 83.65, "text": "Sir, step away from the personality quiz. So I go crawling to Social Security for a new job. Hardest damn gig on Earth to get into."}, {"start": 83.65, "end": 92.65, "text": "They background checked me back to high school, motherfuckers, fingerprints, the whole nine. And you'd think my problem was my record, right? Nope."}, {"start": 92.65, "end": 107.5, "text": "My problem was I couldn't get one living human to answer the phone at the state job I worked for 11 years. 11 years. I called for a reference and it just rang into the void like the whole damn building disappeared."}, {"start": 107.5, "end": 114.5, "text": "I've been ghosted by X's, but being ghosted by an entire government agency. That's a new low, you filthy bastards."}, {"start": 114.5, "end": 124.71, "text": "But I fought for that job and I got it. And then, because I'm a shit-mitus, I tore my damn rotator cuff."}, {"start": 124.71, "end": 131.71, "text": "Now, a smart man takes the disability, protects the job, heals up. Me? I pulled a full Jesse."}, {"start": 131.71, "end": 145.69, "text": "My boss makes me sign a workers' comp. The doctor says, I'll give you disability. Workers' comp says, yes, then 30 days later says no. Then says, well, you shouldn't have quit."}, {"start": 145.69, "end": 154.69, "text": "So I looked at all of it, this whole beautiful bureaucratic clusterfuck. And I said the two words that have defined my entire life. Fuck it."}, {"start": 157.83, "end": 163.83, "text": "And I bought another damn Tesla. Because nothing says, I just torched my stable career like more fucking car payments."}, {"start": 163.83, "end": 172.4, "text": "But here's where the story gets real. You filthy animals. Because right after all that broke jobless arm in a sling."}, {"start": 172.4, "end": 179.4, "text": "I pick up the craziest passenger of my life. A screaming, raging son of a bitch losing his whole mind in my backseat."}, {"start": 180.4, "end": 190.4, "text": "And I'm not going to lie to you. The old me, the 19 year old me, had about 100 bad ideas floating through his head. Real bad. The kind that come with a cellmate."}, {"start": 190.4, "end": 204.15, "text": "But I looked at my dashboard cameras, recording everything. And I thought, I'm not that guy anymore. I got him to his stop, safe, and I drove the fuck off."}, {"start": 204.15, "end": 211.15, "text": "And I took every ounce of that rage, and I put it here, on this damn stage, into this filthy mouth."}, {"start": 212.15, "end": 222.56, "text": "That's the whole confession, motherfuckers. The kid who once took a felony for his temper became the man who turns his worst moments into a punchline instead of a mugshot."}, {"start": 222.56, "end": 230.41, "text": "I don't throw hands no more. I throw jokes, and they hit a hell of a lot harder."}, {"start": 230.41, "end": 237.41, "text": "So they can keep their state jobs, their disability, their whole damn system. Because I finally found the one job nobody can fire me from."}, {"start": 238.41, "end": 246.41, "text": "Making you filthy bastards laugh at a life that should have broke me a hundred times. The hammer. Good night, you filthy motherfuckers."}, {"start": 246.41, "end": 263.01, "text": "And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day. A brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 264.01, "end": 273.01, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 273.01, "end": 284.01, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 284.01, "end": 295.01, "text": "Before the dark winds, the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Now here's my most recent fuck up. You filthy degenerates and it's the crown jewel. I lost a cushy state job over the dumbest damn thing imaginable. You ready? A coworker said I called her a yellow personality. That's it. That's the whole crime, motherfuckers. Not the felony, not the fights, a color. And here's the fucked up part. My whole brand is colors. I built a personality system on it. I'm out here teaching the world about red, blue, green and yellow. And I get walked out the door for Colin Karen, a damn yellow. I'm the only man alive who got fired by his own business model. That's like the Colonel getting arrested for chicken. Sir, step away from the personality quiz. So I go crawling to Social Security for a new job. Hardest damn gig on Earth to get into. They background checked me back to high school, motherfuckers, fingerprints, the whole nine. And you'd think my problem was my record, right? Nope. My problem was I couldn't get one living human to answer the phone at the state job I worked for 11 years. 11 years. I called for a reference and it just rang into the void like the whole damn building disappeared. I've been ghosted by X's, but being ghosted by an entire government agency. That's a new low, you filthy bastards. But I fought for that job and I got it. And then, because I'm a shit-mitus, I tore my damn rotator cuff. Now, a smart man takes the disability, protects the job, heals up. Me? I pulled a full Jesse. My boss makes me sign a workers' comp. The doctor says, I'll give you disability. Workers' comp says, yes, then 30 days later says no. Then says, well, you shouldn't have quit. So I looked at all of it, this whole beautiful bureaucratic clusterfuck. And I said the two words that have defined my entire life. Fuck it. And I bought another damn Tesla. Because nothing says, I just torched my stable career like more fucking car payments. But here's where the story gets real. You filthy animals. Because right after all that broke jobless arm in a sling. I pick up the craziest passenger of my life. A screaming, raging son of a bitch losing his whole mind in my backseat. And I'm not going to lie to you. The old me, the 19 year old me, had about 100 bad ideas floating through his head. Real bad. The kind that come with a cellmate. But I looked at my dashboard cameras, recording everything. And I thought, I'm not that guy anymore. I got him to his stop, safe, and I drove the fuck off. And I took every ounce of that rage, and I put it here, on this damn stage, into this filthy mouth. That's the whole confession, motherfuckers. The kid who once took a felony for his temper became the man who turns his worst moments into a punchline instead of a mugshot. I don't throw hands no more. I throw jokes, and they hit a hell of a lot harder. So they can keep their state jobs, their disability, their whole damn system. Because I finally found the one job nobody can fire me from. Making you filthy bastards laugh at a life that should have broke me a hundred times. The hammer. Good night, you filthy motherfuckers. And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day. A brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something, so is he always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}