{"file": "conf2_stocks_clones_TG.mp3", "duration_sec": 259.7, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.18, "end": 11.18, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club."}, {"start": 11.18, "end": 21.68, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.68, "end": 28.18, "text": "This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.18, "end": 40.25, "text": "Let me confess my career as a day trader. You filthy degenerates. Cause this is a full Jesse for the ages. When Robin Hood came out, I actually figured that shit out."}, {"start": 40.25, "end": 53.0, "text": "200 bucks a day cash, sitting in my underwear, clicking buttons like a damn Wall Street Wolf. For a beautiful minute, I thought, this is it. I cracked the code. I'm a genius."}, {"start": 53.0, "end": 58.0, "text": "And you filthy bastards know what happens the second a shit might as thinks he's a genius."}, {"start": 61.11, "end": 77.11, "text": "So I go all in every dollar on Tesla and then and this is the most me thing that ever happened. I went to fucking sleep. I over slept. I woke up late and by the time I grabbed my phone, Tesla had already crashed and my whole account was on fire."}, {"start": 77.11, "end": 87.58, "text": "I lost 25,000 dollars in one trade because I took a nap. I'm the only man alive who slept through his own financial murder."}, {"start": 87.58, "end": 99.38, "text": "25 grand gone while I was having a dream about I don't even know probably tacos that mother fuckers is a cosmic cock sucker of a trade."}, {"start": 99.38, "end": 119.16, "text": "So naturally I crawl back to weed open another office team up with an X cop. Cause who better to sell drugs with than a former cop right? And we're flipping clones by the little plant babies for eight bucks, sell them for 16, Dublin our money, move in green, finally winning."}, {"start": 119.16, "end": 135.16, "text": "And it was working you beautiful bastards real money and then my partners these slick sons of bitches they take a trip to L.A. And in L.A. They run into famous people rich people people with real fucking money."}, {"start": 135.16, "end": 150.16, "text": "And those rich bastards buy the company take my little clone operation and pivoted into and I swear on my dogs this is true CBD for pets that's right mother fuckers they started selling weed to dogs and they became millionaires."}, {"start": 150.16, "end": 167.0, "text": "Millionaires off of getting golden retrievers baked I was down here hustling eight dollar clones like an honest broke bastard and they figured out the real money was in making a Chihuahua mellow the fuck out."}, {"start": 167.0, "end": 185.0, "text": "I stood there like what just happened I did all the work took all the risk broke the trail and the reverse gold went straight to a company that gets cats high my clones are somewhere out there paying for a mansion and I'm home eating ramen with my sober dogs."}, {"start": 185.0, "end": 205.72, "text": "That's the shit might as guarantee you filthy animals I will find the gold dig it up polish it handed to a stranger and watch him sell it to a poodle and you know what I'd probably do it again because at least my dogs respect the hustle the hammer good night you filthy mother fuckers."}, {"start": 205.72, "end": 240.32, "text": "And that is our show but the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day a brand new comic steps up and another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours seven days a week fresh stand up freshly roasted never reheated can't sleep we're up going through something so is he always so come back you beautiful degenerates go to bombed dot app and I'm going to get a new one."}, {"start": 241.32, "end": 254.32, "text": "And let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault subscribe he needs the attention good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Let me confess my career as a day trader. You filthy degenerates. Cause this is a full Jesse for the ages. When Robin Hood came out, I actually figured that shit out. 200 bucks a day cash, sitting in my underwear, clicking buttons like a damn Wall Street Wolf. For a beautiful minute, I thought, this is it. I cracked the code. I'm a genius. And you filthy bastards know what happens the second a shit might as thinks he's a genius. So I go all in every dollar on Tesla and then and this is the most me thing that ever happened. I went to fucking sleep. I over slept. I woke up late and by the time I grabbed my phone, Tesla had already crashed and my whole account was on fire. I lost 25,000 dollars in one trade because I took a nap. I'm the only man alive who slept through his own financial murder. 25 grand gone while I was having a dream about I don't even know probably tacos that mother fuckers is a cosmic cock sucker of a trade. So naturally I crawl back to weed open another office team up with an X cop. Cause who better to sell drugs with than a former cop right? And we're flipping clones by the little plant babies for eight bucks, sell them for 16, Dublin our money, move in green, finally winning. And it was working you beautiful bastards real money and then my partners these slick sons of bitches they take a trip to L.A. And in L.A. They run into famous people rich people people with real fucking money. And those rich bastards buy the company take my little clone operation and pivoted into and I swear on my dogs this is true CBD for pets that's right mother fuckers they started selling weed to dogs and they became millionaires. Millionaires off of getting golden retrievers baked I was down here hustling eight dollar clones like an honest broke bastard and they figured out the real money was in making a Chihuahua mellow the fuck out. I stood there like what just happened I did all the work took all the risk broke the trail and the reverse gold went straight to a company that gets cats high my clones are somewhere out there paying for a mansion and I'm home eating ramen with my sober dogs. That's the shit might as guarantee you filthy animals I will find the gold dig it up polish it handed to a stranger and watch him sell it to a poodle and you know what I'd probably do it again because at least my dogs respect the hustle the hammer good night you filthy mother fuckers. And that is our show but the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day a brand new comic steps up and another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours seven days a week fresh stand up freshly roasted never reheated can't sleep we're up going through something so is he always so come back you beautiful degenerates go to bombed dot app and I'm going to get a new one. And let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault subscribe he needs the attention good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}