{"file": "conf2_movie_finale_TG.mp3", "duration_sec": 249.1, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.18, "end": 10.26, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line"}, {"start": 10.26, "end": 11.7, "text": "comedy club."}, {"start": 11.7, "end": 16.94, "text": "Tonight the only stage on earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup"}, {"start": 16.94, "end": 21.18, "text": "of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary"}, {"start": 21.18, "end": 22.18, "text": "tale."}, {"start": 22.18, "end": 24.18, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 24.18, "end": 25.58, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.58, "end": 27.02, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 27.02, "end": 28.02, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.02, "end": 34.05, "text": "Here's my final confession of the night."}, {"start": 34.05, "end": 35.73, "text": "You filthy degenerates."}, {"start": 35.73, "end": 40.29, "text": "I've started to realize my whole life is a damn movie, and I'm the main character"}, {"start": 40.29, "end": 44.94, "text": "you'd fucking hate."}, {"start": 44.94, "end": 49.14, "text": "You know the guy in the horror film who hears a noise in the murder basement and goes"}, {"start": 49.14, "end": 50.14, "text": "down there?"}, {"start": 50.14, "end": 52.1, "text": "Don't go in there, you idiot."}, {"start": 52.1, "end": 53.78, "text": "That's me, motherfuckers."}, {"start": 53.78, "end": 61.82, "text": "Except my basement is the stock market, and I go down there over and over with a smile."}, {"start": 61.82, "end": 67.66, "text": "Because after I lost 25 grand, napping through a Tesla crash, after weed shut me down twice,"}, {"start": 67.66, "end": 73.2, "text": "after the CBD for dogs bastards took my millions, you would think right that this man learned"}, {"start": 73.2, "end": 75.26, "text": "his fucking lesson."}, {"start": 75.26, "end": 78.48, "text": "Nope."}, {"start": 78.48, "end": 83.56, "text": "I lost my connections, so I tried to do it all myself, lost even more money, and walked"}, {"start": 83.56, "end": 86.44, "text": "away going, fuck it, again."}, {"start": 86.44, "end": 91.28, "text": "If you were watching this in a theater, you'd be throwing popcorn at the screen screaming,"}, {"start": 91.28, "end": 93.04, "text": "why would you get back in?"}, {"start": 93.04, "end": 94.48, "text": "You know how this ends."}, {"start": 94.48, "end": 98.26, "text": "You dumb son of a bitch."}, {"start": 98.26, "end": 102.06, "text": "I am the most frustrating protagonist in cinema history."}, {"start": 102.06, "end": 104.26, "text": "Test audiences would walk the fuck out."}, {"start": 104.26, "end": 105.82, "text": "Yeah, we don't like him."}, {"start": 105.82, "end": 109.9, "text": "He keeps making the same mistake, and we're only 45 minutes in, and he's already lost"}, {"start": 109.9, "end": 114.65, "text": "three fortunes."}, {"start": 114.65, "end": 117.29, "text": "There's no character arc, motherfuckers."}, {"start": 117.29, "end": 119.13, "text": "Normally the hero learned something."}, {"start": 119.13, "end": 120.13, "text": "Me?"}, {"start": 120.13, "end": 125.29, "text": "Same guy, scene after scene, walking into the same damn fire going, maybe this time the fires"}, {"start": 125.29, "end": 126.53, "text": "my friend."}, {"start": 126.53, "end": 127.53, "text": "Spoiler."}, {"start": 127.53, "end": 132.86, "text": "The fire is never my fucking friend."}, {"start": 132.86, "end": 136.58, "text": "And whatever cosmic director's up there running this shit has got to be watching the"}, {"start": 136.58, "end": 139.22, "text": "daily's going, what is wrong with this guy?"}, {"start": 139.22, "end": 146.12, "text": "I gave him 100 chances, and he keeps grabbing the live wire and licking it."}, {"start": 146.12, "end": 148.5, "text": "But here's the plot twist, you beautiful bastards."}, {"start": 148.5, "end": 152.86, "text": "The reason the movie's still running after 50 years, the reason you can't turn it off is"}, {"start": 152.86, "end": 155.02, "text": "that the dumb bastard never quits."}, {"start": 155.02, "end": 159.14, "text": "He loses everything, and in the very next scene, there he is again."}, {"start": 159.14, "end": 165.74, "text": "Broke, grinning, ready to lose it all one more glorious time."}, {"start": 165.74, "end": 170.22, "text": "That's not a dumb protagonist motherfuckers, that's the only kind worth watching."}, {"start": 170.22, "end": 177.24, "text": "The one too damn stubborn to accept the ending everybody else wrote for him."}, {"start": 177.24, "end": 181.0, "text": "So keep watching, you filthy degenerates, because this movie ain't over."}, {"start": 181.0, "end": 185.64, "text": "The shit Midas is still standing, still swinging, still walking into the fire, and one of these"}, {"start": 185.64, "end": 190.32, "text": "scenes I swear to you, the dumb motherfucker finally wins."}, {"start": 190.32, "end": 191.88, "text": "Roll the fucking credits."}, {"start": 191.88, "end": 192.88, "text": "The hammer."}, {"start": 192.88, "end": 201.62, "text": "Tonight you filthy motherfuckers."}, {"start": 201.62, "end": 203.94, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 203.94, "end": 210.5, "text": "But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day, a brand new"}, {"start": 210.5, "end": 216.98, "text": "comic steps up, and another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a"}, {"start": 216.98, "end": 217.98, "text": "week."}, {"start": 217.98, "end": 221.34, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 221.34, "end": 223.46, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 223.46, "end": 226.74, "text": "Going through something so is he, always."}, {"start": 226.74, "end": 231.7, "text": "So come back you beautiful degenerates, go to bombed.app and let the machine make you"}, {"start": 231.7, "end": 232.7, "text": "laugh."}, {"start": 232.7, "end": 238.18, "text": "Before the dark wins, the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there,"}, {"start": 238.18, "end": 240.62, "text": "it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 240.62, "end": 243.1, "text": "Subscribe, he needs the attention."}, {"start": 243.1, "end": 243.58, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club. Tonight the only stage on earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Here's my final confession of the night. You filthy degenerates. I've started to realize my whole life is a damn movie, and I'm the main character you'd fucking hate. You know the guy in the horror film who hears a noise in the murder basement and goes down there? Don't go in there, you idiot. That's me, motherfuckers. Except my basement is the stock market, and I go down there over and over with a smile. Because after I lost 25 grand, napping through a Tesla crash, after weed shut me down twice, after the CBD for dogs bastards took my millions, you would think right that this man learned his fucking lesson. Nope. I lost my connections, so I tried to do it all myself, lost even more money, and walked away going, fuck it, again. If you were watching this in a theater, you'd be throwing popcorn at the screen screaming, why would you get back in? You know how this ends. You dumb son of a bitch. I am the most frustrating protagonist in cinema history. Test audiences would walk the fuck out. Yeah, we don't like him. He keeps making the same mistake, and we're only 45 minutes in, and he's already lost three fortunes. There's no character arc, motherfuckers. Normally the hero learned something. Me? Same guy, scene after scene, walking into the same damn fire going, maybe this time the fires my friend. Spoiler. The fire is never my fucking friend. And whatever cosmic director's up there running this shit has got to be watching the daily's going, what is wrong with this guy? I gave him 100 chances, and he keeps grabbing the live wire and licking it. But here's the plot twist, you beautiful bastards. The reason the movie's still running after 50 years, the reason you can't turn it off is that the dumb bastard never quits. He loses everything, and in the very next scene, there he is again. Broke, grinning, ready to lose it all one more glorious time. That's not a dumb protagonist motherfuckers, that's the only kind worth watching. The one too damn stubborn to accept the ending everybody else wrote for him. So keep watching, you filthy degenerates, because this movie ain't over. The shit Midas is still standing, still swinging, still walking into the fire, and one of these scenes I swear to you, the dumb motherfucker finally wins. Roll the fucking credits. The hammer. Tonight you filthy motherfuckers. And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day, a brand new comic steps up, and another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he, always. So come back you beautiful degenerates, go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark wins, the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}