{"file": "conf2_cannabis_TG.mp3", "duration_sec": 286.8, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.18, "end": 11.18, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club."}, {"start": 11.18, "end": 21.68, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.68, "end": 28.18, "text": "This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.18, "end": 40.25, "text": "Now let me confess my cannabis career, you filthy degenerates because I got into weed back when it could still get your ass arrested and I did every single thing wrong."}, {"start": 40.25, "end": 43.25, "text": "If there was a dumb way to do it, I found two dumbers."}, {"start": 43.25, "end": 52.03, "text": "First move. I rented an office and told the landlord it was going to be a photography studio."}, {"start": 52.03, "end": 60.03, "text": "Oh yeah, just some nice family portraits in here. Meanwhile, I'm growing a damn forest and making clones like a mad fucking scientist."}, {"start": 60.03, "end": 66.91, "text": "Best portrait I took was a mug shot of a spider mite."}, {"start": 66.91, "end": 77.91, "text": "Because that's what killed round one mother fuckers, bugs, spider mites, gnats, every filthy little bastard in nature showed up to my grow like it was an all you can eat buffet."}, {"start": 77.91, "end": 81.91, "text": "I lost every damn plant and every damn dollar in six months flat."}, {"start": 81.91, "end": 86.91, "text": "My weed empire got taken down by insects the size of a fucking comma."}, {"start": 86.91, "end": 96.83, "text": "But you can't kill a dumb dreamer. You beautiful bastards. Round two. I find a guy who can actually build. I get a buddy to invest in boom."}, {"start": 96.83, "end": 106.84, "text": "A hundred thousand dollar setup. 18 pounds of green every eight weeks. For the first time in my life, I'm actually making real money."}, {"start": 106.84, "end": 115.84, "text": "And you already know the universe couldn't let that shit stand. Here's how it ended. I'm standing there one day and I see this switch. I don't know what the hell it's for."}, {"start": 115.84, "end": 128.28, "text": "Electrician goes, hey, flip that off. So I flip it off like a good dumb bastard turns out that switch was stealing was tied to my next door neighbor's power."}, {"start": 128.28, "end": 138.28, "text": "I flipped off my own neighbor's damn electricity. He goes and tells the owner there's a note on the door and just like that shut down again to grows to disasters."}, {"start": 138.28, "end": 147.06, "text": "And I got beat the second time by a light switch. And they tell me the cops are coming in 48 hours."}, {"start": 147.06, "end": 161.06, "text": "48 hours mother fuckers. So what does your boy do? I gave it all away. 18 pounds. The whole operation gone. I was out there handing out weed like a filthy stone Santa Claus just to not get locked up again."}, {"start": 161.06, "end": 173.82, "text": "I'm the only man alive who ran a black Friday sale at a hundred percent off to dodge a damn prison sentence. Everything must go. And I mean everything because the cops are as vped."}, {"start": 173.82, "end": 190.0, "text": "So I lost it all again. And here's the part that really twists the knife you filthy bastards. I did weed back when it was dangerous illegal and got you shut the fuck down. And now it's legal."}, {"start": 190.0, "end": 204.38, "text": "It's in a pretty store and every bastard who touched it after me is a damn millionaire. I broke the trail. Eight the bugs took the raids gave it all away at gunpoint of a deadline."}, {"start": 204.38, "end": 218.32, "text": "And everybody who showed up after me got the money. That's the reverse mightest baby. I don't strike gold. I strike gold. Hand it to a stranger and get a paper cut on the way out."}, {"start": 218.32, "end": 238.82, "text": "But you know what? I'm still here. Still high. Still laughing because even when I lose everything I always got the last thing they can't take. A filthy story and a big damn mouth to tell it. The hammer. Good night you filthy mother fuckers."}, {"start": 238.82, "end": 267.82, "text": "And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours seven days a week fresh stand up freshly roasted never reheated can't sleep. We're up going through something so is he always so come back you beautiful degenerates go to bombed dot app and let them."}, {"start": 267.82, "end": 280.82, "text": "machine make you laugh before the dark winds the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault subscribe he needs the attention good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Now let me confess my cannabis career, you filthy degenerates because I got into weed back when it could still get your ass arrested and I did every single thing wrong. If there was a dumb way to do it, I found two dumbers. First move. I rented an office and told the landlord it was going to be a photography studio. Oh yeah, just some nice family portraits in here. Meanwhile, I'm growing a damn forest and making clones like a mad fucking scientist. Best portrait I took was a mug shot of a spider mite. Because that's what killed round one mother fuckers, bugs, spider mites, gnats, every filthy little bastard in nature showed up to my grow like it was an all you can eat buffet. I lost every damn plant and every damn dollar in six months flat. My weed empire got taken down by insects the size of a fucking comma. But you can't kill a dumb dreamer. You beautiful bastards. Round two. I find a guy who can actually build. I get a buddy to invest in boom. A hundred thousand dollar setup. 18 pounds of green every eight weeks. For the first time in my life, I'm actually making real money. And you already know the universe couldn't let that shit stand. Here's how it ended. I'm standing there one day and I see this switch. I don't know what the hell it's for. Electrician goes, hey, flip that off. So I flip it off like a good dumb bastard turns out that switch was stealing was tied to my next door neighbor's power. I flipped off my own neighbor's damn electricity. He goes and tells the owner there's a note on the door and just like that shut down again to grows to disasters. And I got beat the second time by a light switch. And they tell me the cops are coming in 48 hours. 48 hours mother fuckers. So what does your boy do? I gave it all away. 18 pounds. The whole operation gone. I was out there handing out weed like a filthy stone Santa Claus just to not get locked up again. I'm the only man alive who ran a black Friday sale at a hundred percent off to dodge a damn prison sentence. Everything must go. And I mean everything because the cops are as vped. So I lost it all again. And here's the part that really twists the knife you filthy bastards. I did weed back when it was dangerous illegal and got you shut the fuck down. And now it's legal. It's in a pretty store and every bastard who touched it after me is a damn millionaire. I broke the trail. Eight the bugs took the raids gave it all away at gunpoint of a deadline. And everybody who showed up after me got the money. That's the reverse mightest baby. I don't strike gold. I strike gold. Hand it to a stranger and get a paper cut on the way out. But you know what? I'm still here. Still high. Still laughing because even when I lose everything I always got the last thing they can't take. A filthy story and a big damn mouth to tell it. The hammer. Good night you filthy mother fuckers. And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours seven days a week fresh stand up freshly roasted never reheated can't sleep. We're up going through something so is he always so come back you beautiful degenerates go to bombed dot app and let them. machine make you laugh before the dark winds the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault subscribe he needs the attention good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}