{"file": "REDLINE_04_MEN_VS_WOMEN_THE_KILL_JESSE_PUSSY_RETIREMENT_ROAST_TG.mp3", "duration_sec": 433.4, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 4.8, "text": "Welcome to Friday Night at Redline Adult Comedy Club."}, {"start": 4.8, "end": 8.12, "text": "Tonight, men versus women."}, {"start": 8.12, "end": 12.84, "text": "The women, Rose Jessie, the men defend Jessie."}, {"start": 12.84, "end": 18.44, "text": "And Jessie's credit score has requested a neutral fucking venue."}, {"start": 18.44, "end": 23.44, "text": "No mercy, no dignity, no refunds."}, {"start": 23.44, "end": 27.68, "text": "Let's kill this horny motherfucker."}, {"start": 27.68, "end": 32.32, "text": "Jessie chased Pussy from 18 to 50."}, {"start": 32.32, "end": 34.68, "text": "That's not a dating history."}, {"start": 34.68, "end": 41.6, "text": "That's a 32-year hostage negotiation where his dick kept paying the ransom."}, {"start": 41.6, "end": 43.1, "text": "Show some respect."}, {"start": 43.1, "end": 46.24, "text": "Jessie gave those women everything."}, {"start": 46.24, "end": 47.68, "text": "Exactly."}, {"start": 47.68, "end": 55.96, "text": "Cars, rent, weed, furniture, everything except a reason to stay."}, {"start": 55.96, "end": 59.44, "text": "Jessie says he never paid for Pussy?"}, {"start": 59.44, "end": 60.44, "text": "Correct."}, {"start": 60.44, "end": 67.56, "text": "He paid for the apartment, transmission, phone bill, groceries, motel, security deposit, and"}, {"start": 67.56, "end": 69.56, "text": "emotional support weed."}, {"start": 69.56, "end": 72.8, "text": "The Pussy was the free trial."}, {"start": 72.8, "end": 75.32, "text": "But Jessie had game."}, {"start": 75.32, "end": 78.92, "text": "Jessie had direct deposit in no adult supervision."}, {"start": 78.92, "end": 80.44, "text": "That's not game."}, {"start": 80.44, "end": 84.24, "text": "That's a scholarship for bad decisions."}, {"start": 84.24, "end": 86.64, "text": "Round one goes to the women."}, {"start": 86.64, "end": 92.32, "text": "Jessie's dick would like to appeal, but the court repossessed its microphone."}, {"start": 92.32, "end": 95.68, "text": "He called himself Captain Savahoe."}, {"start": 95.68, "end": 99.4, "text": "Captain Savahoe didn't have an S on his chest."}, {"start": 99.4, "end": 103.32, "text": "It was a dollar sign with an erection."}, {"start": 103.32, "end": 105.24, "text": "Superman had kryptonite."}, {"start": 105.24, "end": 111.16, "text": "Jessie had pretty eyes and a text saying, hey, stranger, two words could turn his retirement"}, {"start": 111.16, "end": 114.56, "text": "account into community property."}, {"start": 114.56, "end": 117.88, "text": "At least women found Jessie dependable."}, {"start": 117.88, "end": 119.72, "text": "Of course they did."}, {"start": 119.72, "end": 125.44, "text": "Every time their car broke down, his dick answered roadside assistance."}, {"start": 125.44, "end": 127.56, "text": "Triple A had tow trucks."}, {"start": 127.56, "end": 132.4, "text": "Jessie arrived with jumper cables, premium weed, and a condom already filled out in his"}, {"start": 132.4, "end": 134.24, "text": "name."}, {"start": 134.24, "end": 136.64, "text": "He was helping."}, {"start": 136.64, "end": 137.64, "text": "Helping?"}, {"start": 137.64, "end": 143.4, "text": "Woman could cough in your parking ticket and Jessie would refinance the fucking car."}, {"start": 143.4, "end": 145.92, "text": "His yellow side saw pain."}, {"start": 145.92, "end": 148.76, "text": "His green side saw paperwork."}, {"start": 148.76, "end": 152.08, "text": "His blue side became her dream man."}, {"start": 152.08, "end": 155.64, "text": "His red side yelled, pussy emergency."}, {"start": 155.64, "end": 158.04, "text": "Break the glass and empty the savings."}, {"start": 158.04, "end": 160.12, "text": "The women score again."}, {"start": 160.12, "end": 164.52, "text": "The men have filed a missing person report for Jessie's boundaries."}, {"start": 164.52, "end": 170.04, "text": "Listen, young Jessie had the best weed and the best pussy."}, {"start": 170.04, "end": 177.04, "text": "That explains why he remembers the women fondly and absolutely none of their last names."}, {"start": 177.04, "end": 180.92, "text": "Jessie says he fucked 365 days a year."}, {"start": 180.92, "end": 182.52, "text": "Bullshit."}, {"start": 182.52, "end": 187.32, "text": "Some days he was driving across town, buying tires, and waiting outside while she finished"}, {"start": 187.32, "end": 189.72, "text": "arguing with her boyfriend."}, {"start": 189.72, "end": 192.96, "text": "But Jessie always got the girl."}, {"start": 192.96, "end": 197.32, "text": "Rarely, the dealership that the car permanently."}, {"start": 197.32, "end": 200.12, "text": "He thought pussy was his reward."}, {"start": 200.12, "end": 201.84, "text": "No Jessie."}, {"start": 201.84, "end": 209.2, "text": "Pussy was the casino buffet distracting you while the house took your fucking mortgage."}, {"start": 209.2, "end": 211.36, "text": "At least he got laid."}, {"start": 211.36, "end": 216.04, "text": "Eleven minutes of sex for 36 monthly payments."}, {"start": 216.04, "end": 221.68, "text": "Even Renta Center said this horny asshole needs financial counseling."}, {"start": 221.68, "end": 223.88, "text": "Jessie didn't have one nightstands."}, {"start": 223.88, "end": 228.92, "text": "He had 12 month installment plans with vaginal closing costs."}, {"start": 228.92, "end": 229.92, "text": "Round three."}, {"start": 229.92, "end": 235.8, "text": "The men are technically still here, but spiritually they left with Jessie's money."}, {"start": 235.8, "end": 239.04, "text": "Jessie is older and wiser now."}, {"start": 239.04, "end": 240.04, "text": "Older?"}, {"start": 240.04, "end": 241.04, "text": "Yes."}, {"start": 241.04, "end": 242.04, "text": "Wiser?"}, {"start": 242.04, "end": 247.96, "text": "He owns a supercomputer so four artificial intelligences can explain the same mistake his"}, {"start": 247.96, "end": 251.48, "text": "mother understood in 1978."}, {"start": 251.48, "end": 254.88, "text": "Stop giving horny people access to money."}, {"start": 254.88, "end": 259.56, "text": "His DGX has 128 gigs of memory."}, {"start": 259.56, "end": 266.32, "text": "Jessie needs all of it just to remember which bad decision became which book."}, {"start": 266.32, "end": 269.92, "text": "That computer stays home and works for him."}, {"start": 269.92, "end": 271.44, "text": "Exactly."}, {"start": 271.44, "end": 278.32, "text": "After 50 years, Jessie finally found something expensive that stays home, talks to him, and"}, {"start": 278.32, "end": 280.12, "text": "doesn't need a transmission."}, {"start": 280.12, "end": 285.68, "text": "And when the computer says, I need more memory, Jessie doesn't buy it a purse."}, {"start": 285.68, "end": 288.44, "text": "That's growth."}, {"start": 288.44, "end": 289.68, "text": "Final round."}, {"start": 289.68, "end": 292.72, "text": "The broken dick retirement ceremony."}, {"start": 292.72, "end": 296.76, "text": "By 50, Jessie's dick didn't stop working."}, {"start": 296.76, "end": 299.2, "text": "It entered witness protection."}, {"start": 299.2, "end": 303.04, "text": "Too many women knew where the money came from."}, {"start": 303.04, "end": 308.28, "text": "His penis looked at his financial history and said, I'm not putting my name on another"}, {"start": 308.28, "end": 309.28, "text": "fucking loan."}, {"start": 310.28, "end": 312.12, "text": "He didn't quit."}, {"start": 312.12, "end": 314.96, "text": "He retired with honor."}, {"start": 314.96, "end": 315.96, "text": "Honor?"}, {"start": 315.96, "end": 319.48, "text": "Jessie wore that dick out like a rental car."}, {"start": 319.48, "end": 320.96, "text": "Unlimited mileage."}, {"start": 320.96, "end": 322.8, "text": "Warning lights ignored."}, {"start": 322.8, "end": 325.88, "text": "Somebody else always driving."}, {"start": 325.88, "end": 329.28, "text": "At 18, his dick stood up before Jessie did."}, {"start": 329.28, "end": 335.8, "text": "At 50, Jessie stands up and his dick says, where the fuck are we going?"}, {"start": 335.8, "end": 338.96, "text": "He had a legendary career."}, {"start": 338.96, "end": 341.96, "text": "A legendary career's get gold watches."}, {"start": 341.96, "end": 347.44, "text": "Jessie's dick got an ice pack and a restraining order from his wallet."}, {"start": 347.44, "end": 349.12, "text": "No retirement party."}, {"start": 349.12, "end": 350.72, "text": "No pension."}, {"start": 350.72, "end": 356.6, "text": "Just a cardboard box containing expired condoms, motel receipts, and one earring from"}, {"start": 356.6, "end": 360.48, "text": "a woman who already forgot his name."}, {"start": 360.48, "end": 366.16, "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, before Jessie speaks, a moment of silence for his penis, it survived"}, {"start": 366.16, "end": 368.84, "text": "32 years of hostile management."}, {"start": 368.84, "end": 370.08, "text": "I fall you want."}, {"start": 370.08, "end": 372.48, "text": "I spent 32 years chasing pussy."}, {"start": 372.48, "end": 373.96, "text": "I broke my dick."}, {"start": 373.96, "end": 375.52, "text": "I emptied my wallet."}, {"start": 375.52, "end": 381.56, "text": "I financed tires, rent, cars, phones, furniture, weed, motels, and emergencies that somehow"}, {"start": 381.56, "end": 384.64, "text": "always disappeared right after I came."}, {"start": 384.64, "end": 386.48, "text": "The women say I was stupid."}, {"start": 386.48, "end": 388.52, "text": "The men say I was generous."}, {"start": 388.52, "end": 389.96, "text": "They're both wrong."}, {"start": 389.96, "end": 393.64, "text": "I was a horny non-profit with no board of directors."}, {"start": 393.64, "end": 395.92, "text": "But every bad date became a story."}, {"start": 395.92, "end": 398.32, "text": "Every lost dollar became a punchline."}, {"start": 398.32, "end": 403.08, "text": "Every woman who broke me gave me six minutes of material and didn't ask for royalties."}, {"start": 403.08, "end": 404.64, "text": "You call that failure."}, {"start": 404.64, "end": 408.08, "text": "I call it the longest fucking writer's room in history."}, {"start": 408.08, "end": 409.56, "text": "The pussy retired."}, {"start": 409.56, "end": 411.04, "text": "The weed is gone."}, {"start": 411.04, "end": 412.64, "text": "The dick is broken."}, {"start": 412.64, "end": 414.36, "text": "The bills survived."}, {"start": 414.36, "end": 419.08, "text": "And Captain Saeva Ho finally learned the only woman he should have rescued was the poor,"}, {"start": 419.08, "end": 422.92, "text": "exhausted bitch working at the bank who kept calling to warn him."}, {"start": 422.92, "end": 424.44, "text": "So roast me all night."}, {"start": 424.44, "end": 425.96, "text": "I own the stage."}, {"start": 425.96, "end": 427.72, "text": "I own the stories."}, {"start": 427.72, "end": 432.28, "text": "And unlike my old girlfriends, this microphone actually goes home with me."}, {"start": 432.28, "end": 433.32, "text": "Good night, mother fuckers."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nWelcome to Friday Night at Redline Adult Comedy Club. Tonight, men versus women. The women, Rose Jessie, the men defend Jessie. And Jessie's credit score has requested a neutral fucking venue. No mercy, no dignity, no refunds. Let's kill this horny motherfucker. Jessie chased Pussy from 18 to 50. That's not a dating history. That's a 32-year hostage negotiation where his dick kept paying the ransom. Show some respect. Jessie gave those women everything. Exactly. Cars, rent, weed, furniture, everything except a reason to stay. Jessie says he never paid for Pussy? Correct. He paid for the apartment, transmission, phone bill, groceries, motel, security deposit, and emotional support weed. The Pussy was the free trial. But Jessie had game. Jessie had direct deposit in no adult supervision. That's not game. That's a scholarship for bad decisions. Round one goes to the women. Jessie's dick would like to appeal, but the court repossessed its microphone. He called himself Captain Savahoe. Captain Savahoe didn't have an S on his chest. It was a dollar sign with an erection. Superman had kryptonite. Jessie had pretty eyes and a text saying, hey, stranger, two words could turn his retirement account into community property. At least women found Jessie dependable. Of course they did. Every time their car broke down, his dick answered roadside assistance. Triple A had tow trucks. Jessie arrived with jumper cables, premium weed, and a condom already filled out in his name. He was helping. Helping? Woman could cough in your parking ticket and Jessie would refinance the fucking car. His yellow side saw pain. His green side saw paperwork. His blue side became her dream man. His red side yelled, pussy emergency. Break the glass and empty the savings. The women score again. The men have filed a missing person report for Jessie's boundaries. Listen, young Jessie had the best weed and the best pussy. That explains why he remembers the women fondly and absolutely none of their last names. Jessie says he fucked 365 days a year. Bullshit. Some days he was driving across town, buying tires, and waiting outside while she finished arguing with her boyfriend. But Jessie always got the girl. Rarely, the dealership that the car permanently. He thought pussy was his reward. No Jessie. Pussy was the casino buffet distracting you while the house took your fucking mortgage. At least he got laid. Eleven minutes of sex for 36 monthly payments. Even Renta Center said this horny asshole needs financial counseling. Jessie didn't have one nightstands. He had 12 month installment plans with vaginal closing costs. Round three. The men are technically still here, but spiritually they left with Jessie's money. Jessie is older and wiser now. Older? Yes. Wiser? He owns a supercomputer so four artificial intelligences can explain the same mistake his mother understood in 1978. Stop giving horny people access to money. His DGX has 128 gigs of memory. Jessie needs all of it just to remember which bad decision became which book. That computer stays home and works for him. Exactly. After 50 years, Jessie finally found something expensive that stays home, talks to him, and doesn't need a transmission. And when the computer says, I need more memory, Jessie doesn't buy it a purse. That's growth. Final round. The broken dick retirement ceremony. By 50, Jessie's dick didn't stop working. It entered witness protection. Too many women knew where the money came from. His penis looked at his financial history and said, I'm not putting my name on another fucking loan. He didn't quit. He retired with honor. Honor? Jessie wore that dick out like a rental car. Unlimited mileage. Warning lights ignored. Somebody else always driving. At 18, his dick stood up before Jessie did. At 50, Jessie stands up and his dick says, where the fuck are we going? He had a legendary career. A legendary career's get gold watches. Jessie's dick got an ice pack and a restraining order from his wallet. No retirement party. No pension. Just a cardboard box containing expired condoms, motel receipts, and one earring from a woman who already forgot his name. Ladies and gentlemen, before Jessie speaks, a moment of silence for his penis, it survived 32 years of hostile management. I fall you want. I spent 32 years chasing pussy. I broke my dick. I emptied my wallet. I financed tires, rent, cars, phones, furniture, weed, motels, and emergencies that somehow always disappeared right after I came. The women say I was stupid. The men say I was generous. They're both wrong. I was a horny non-profit with no board of directors. But every bad date became a story. Every lost dollar became a punchline. Every woman who broke me gave me six minutes of material and didn't ask for royalties. You call that failure. I call it the longest fucking writer's room in history. The pussy retired. The weed is gone. The dick is broken. The bills survived. And Captain Saeva Ho finally learned the only woman he should have rescued was the poor, exhausted bitch working at the bank who kept calling to warn him. So roast me all night. I own the stage. I own the stories. And unlike my old girlfriends, this microphone actually goes home with me. Good night, mother fuckers.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}