{"file": "LOST_IN_THE_PUSSY_TG.mp3", "duration_sec": 278.5, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.18, "end": 11.18, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club."}, {"start": 11.18, "end": 21.68, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.68, "end": 27.68, "text": "This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 27.68, "end": 48.6, "text": "All right, you filthy degenerates. Tonight, Jesse gets honest. From 18 years old to damn near 50, I chased one thing harder than money, harder than a dream, harder than my own damn survival. And that thing was pussy. And I was a natural born hunter."}, {"start": 51.88, "end": 70.88, "text": "See, other men, their gold was a house, a car, a business, not me, motherfuckers. My gold was the screamers and the squirters. That was my treasure. I was out here like a damn prospector, panning for the loud ones, and when I struck it, oh, when I found a screamer, I felt richer than any man on Wall Street."}, {"start": 74.09, "end": 88.09, "text": "I fell into the pussy hole, you filthy animals, and I lost myself down there for about three decades. While other guys were building empires, I was building a body count. My retirement plan was a phone full of numbers and a back that don't work no more."}, {"start": 88.09, "end": 101.92, "text": "And it distracted me. It knocked me clean off course motherfuckers. I'd have a business, a plan, real money on the table, and one screamer would walk by, and I'd drop the whole thing like a hot rock."}, {"start": 101.92, "end": 106.92, "text": "That's the real shit might as curse. I'd find actual gold and trade it for a Tuesday night."}, {"start": 108.92, "end": 122.92, "text": "I loved it. I still love it. Let's be clear. I ain't dead. I'm just retired. But for 30 years, I was a slave to it. I'd read a woman's color, put on the glasses, unlock her in an hour, and lose two weeks of my life in the process."}, {"start": 122.92, "end": 128.92, "text": "I was getting laid and going broke at the exact same time. Ain't nobody ever combined those two skills like me."}, {"start": 129.92, "end": 140.03, "text": "And here's what pisses me off. You beautiful bastards. Now every podcast bro with a microphone and a hoodie thinks he invented the game."}, {"start": 140.03, "end": 153.03, "text": "Talking about alpha this and high value that motherfucker. I got a PhD in this. I did the field work. You read a book. I lived the whole damn library covered a cover, and I got the bad back and the empty bank account to prove it."}, {"start": 156.72, "end": 168.72, "text": "These clowns are out here theorizing. I got stories. Real ones. The kind that don't make it on a podcast because the sponsor would pull out faster than I should have. You guys don't know shit. You just talk about it."}, {"start": 168.72, "end": 173.72, "text": "I got lost in it so deep I had to build a map to find my way back."}, {"start": 173.72, "end": 186.02, "text": "Because here's the turn motherfuckers at 50 broke three dogs busted body. I finally hung up the Jersey retired. Not because I stopped loving the pussy."}, {"start": 186.02, "end": 197.02, "text": "I'll love the pussy till they put me in the ground. But because I finally figured out the one thing worth more than a screamer, writing it all down so you don't have to lose 30 years, finding out what I already know."}, {"start": 197.02, "end": 207.02, "text": "That's my whole damn purpose now. You filthy degenerates. I spent three decades lost in the pussy so you don't have to be."}, {"start": 207.02, "end": 224.02, "text": "I turned my obsession into an education. The screamers and the squirters. They were my gold. But the stories. The stories are the real fortune and this time. This time nobody can steal them from me. The hammer. Good night, you filthy motherfuckers."}, {"start": 230.68, "end": 250.68, "text": "And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week, fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 250.68, "end": 261.68, "text": "You can't sleep. We're up. Going through something. So is he always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 261.68, "end": 273.68, "text": "Before the dark winds, the red line comedy club. Open all night because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club. Tonight, the only stage on earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. All right, you filthy degenerates. Tonight, Jesse gets honest. From 18 years old to damn near 50, I chased one thing harder than money, harder than a dream, harder than my own damn survival. And that thing was pussy. And I was a natural born hunter. See, other men, their gold was a house, a car, a business, not me, motherfuckers. My gold was the screamers and the squirters. That was my treasure. I was out here like a damn prospector, panning for the loud ones, and when I struck it, oh, when I found a screamer, I felt richer than any man on Wall Street. I fell into the pussy hole, you filthy animals, and I lost myself down there for about three decades. While other guys were building empires, I was building a body count. My retirement plan was a phone full of numbers and a back that don't work no more. And it distracted me. It knocked me clean off course motherfuckers. I'd have a business, a plan, real money on the table, and one screamer would walk by, and I'd drop the whole thing like a hot rock. That's the real shit might as curse. I'd find actual gold and trade it for a Tuesday night. I loved it. I still love it. Let's be clear. I ain't dead. I'm just retired. But for 30 years, I was a slave to it. I'd read a woman's color, put on the glasses, unlock her in an hour, and lose two weeks of my life in the process. I was getting laid and going broke at the exact same time. Ain't nobody ever combined those two skills like me. And here's what pisses me off. You beautiful bastards. Now every podcast bro with a microphone and a hoodie thinks he invented the game. Talking about alpha this and high value that motherfucker. I got a PhD in this. I did the field work. You read a book. I lived the whole damn library covered a cover, and I got the bad back and the empty bank account to prove it. These clowns are out here theorizing. I got stories. Real ones. The kind that don't make it on a podcast because the sponsor would pull out faster than I should have. You guys don't know shit. You just talk about it. I got lost in it so deep I had to build a map to find my way back. Because here's the turn motherfuckers at 50 broke three dogs busted body. I finally hung up the Jersey retired. Not because I stopped loving the pussy. I'll love the pussy till they put me in the ground. But because I finally figured out the one thing worth more than a screamer, writing it all down so you don't have to lose 30 years, finding out what I already know. That's my whole damn purpose now. You filthy degenerates. I spent three decades lost in the pussy so you don't have to be. I turned my obsession into an education. The screamers and the squirters. They were my gold. But the stories. The stories are the real fortune and this time. This time nobody can steal them from me. The hammer. Good night, you filthy motherfuckers. And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week, fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. You can't sleep. We're up. Going through something. So is he always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the red line comedy club. Open all night because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}