{"file": "HOW_TO_CUSS_TG.mp3", "duration_sec": 284.7, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.18, "end": 9.7, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the"}, {"start": 9.7, "end": 11.7, "text": "Red Line Comedy Club."}, {"start": 11.7, "end": 16.94, "text": "Tonight the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup"}, {"start": 16.94, "end": 21.18, "text": "of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary"}, {"start": 21.18, "end": 22.18, "text": "tale."}, {"start": 22.18, "end": 24.18, "text": "This is Kill Jesse."}, {"start": 24.18, "end": 25.58, "text": "Please silence your phones."}, {"start": 25.58, "end": 27.02, "text": "We tried to silence him."}, {"start": 27.02, "end": 28.02, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 28.02, "end": 33.69, "text": "I'll write you filthy degenerates."}, {"start": 33.69, "end": 35.81, "text": "Write Jesse teaches you two things."}, {"start": 35.81, "end": 39.61, "text": "How to cuss like a filthy artist and how to fuck up your entire life."}, {"start": 39.61, "end": 46.06, "text": "And he is a world-class expert at both motherfuckers."}, {"start": 46.06, "end": 47.66, "text": "Lesson 1, you filthy animals."}, {"start": 47.66, "end": 49.9, "text": "The word fuck is not a word."}, {"start": 49.9, "end": 50.9, "text": "It's a tool."}, {"start": 50.9, "end": 54.66, "text": "It's a noun, a verb, an adjective, and a whole damn personality."}, {"start": 54.66, "end": 55.66, "text": "You can be fucked."}, {"start": 55.66, "end": 56.66, "text": "Get fucked."}, {"start": 56.66, "end": 57.66, "text": "Fuck up."}, {"start": 57.66, "end": 58.66, "text": "Fuck off."}, {"start": 58.66, "end": 59.66, "text": "And not give a fuck."}, {"start": 59.66, "end": 62.58, "text": "All in one sentence about your regular ass Tuesday."}, {"start": 62.58, "end": 63.58, "text": "That's poetry."}, {"start": 66.86, "end": 71.5, "text": "Now the life lessons come from the fuck up motherfuckers and Jesse's biggest one is this."}, {"start": 71.5, "end": 74.18, "text": "He lost every dollar he ever made."}, {"start": 74.18, "end": 75.18, "text": "Not some."}, {"start": 75.18, "end": 76.18, "text": "All of it."}, {"start": 76.18, "end": 77.62, "text": "To pussy in the stock market."}, {"start": 77.62, "end": 83.5, "text": "The two most expensive holes a man can ever throw his money into."}, {"start": 83.5, "end": 85.22, "text": "Lesson 2, the stack."}, {"start": 85.22, "end": 87.26, "text": "Any dumbass can say one cuss."}, {"start": 87.26, "end": 88.9, "text": "A master stacks him."}, {"start": 88.9, "end": 90.82, "text": "Don't say that's bad."}, {"start": 90.82, "end": 95.22, "text": "Say that is a shit soaked, cock-eyed motherfucking disaster."}, {"start": 95.22, "end": 97.58, "text": "Some information you filthy bastards."}, {"start": 97.58, "end": 102.5, "text": "Ten times the respect."}, {"start": 102.5, "end": 106.18, "text": "Jesse chased the craziest pussy on this earth for 30 years."}, {"start": 106.18, "end": 111.44, "text": "The screamers, the squirters, the human tornadoes, and acted shocked every single time one"}, {"start": 111.44, "end": 114.3, "text": "of them blew his whole life to shit."}, {"start": 114.3, "end": 116.66, "text": "That ain't bad luck motherfuckers."}, {"start": 116.66, "end": 123.16, "text": "That's a man sticking his dick in a blender and complaining about the noise."}, {"start": 123.16, "end": 125.48, "text": "Lesson 3, the pause."}, {"start": 125.48, "end": 127.8, "text": "The cuss hits harder when you make him wait for it."}, {"start": 127.8, "end": 132.36, "text": "I looked at my bank account and I felt absolutely fucked."}, {"start": 132.36, "end": 134.32, "text": "The pause is the wind up."}, {"start": 134.32, "end": 136.76, "text": "The cuss is the knockout punch."}, {"start": 136.76, "end": 142.35, "text": "Timing you beautiful bastards."}, {"start": 142.35, "end": 147.31, "text": "He got a vasectomy at 23 because he knew he'd fuck half the state, smartest move of his"}, {"start": 147.31, "end": 150.75, "text": "life, shut down the only factory that would have turned a profit."}, {"start": 150.75, "end": 154.35, "text": "Then he tried the porn business and lost money at that."}, {"start": 154.35, "end": 158.51, "text": "You gotta be a special breed of fuck up to go broke selling the one thing every man on"}, {"start": 158.51, "end": 163.58, "text": "earth is begging for."}, {"start": 163.58, "end": 166.02, "text": "Advance lesson, the call back cuss."}, {"start": 166.02, "end": 169.38, "text": "Take your dumbest fuck up and turn it into your favorite curse word."}, {"start": 169.38, "end": 174.22, "text": "Now when shit goes wrong Jesse don't say damn, he says, well I just shit mightest it"}, {"start": 174.22, "end": 175.22, "text": "again."}, {"start": 175.22, "end": 177.86, "text": "The man turned his own name into a swear word."}, {"start": 177.86, "end": 181.84, "text": "That's legacy motherfuckers."}, {"start": 181.84, "end": 185.84, "text": "And here's the truth underneath all the filth you beautiful bastards."}, {"start": 185.84, "end": 188.44, "text": "Every cuss Jesse knows he earned."}, {"start": 188.44, "end": 191.0, "text": "You don't learn to swear like this in a good life."}, {"start": 191.0, "end": 193.28, "text": "You learn it on your knees at midnight."}, {"start": 193.28, "end": 198.96, "text": "Broke alone scrubbing dog hair off a stranger's baseboard screaming fuck at a ceiling that"}, {"start": 198.96, "end": 203.06, "text": "don't answer back."}, {"start": 203.06, "end": 205.74, "text": "So that's the master class motherfuckers."}, {"start": 205.74, "end": 206.9, "text": "Fuck is a tool."}, {"start": 206.9, "end": 211.82, "text": "Stack your cusses, sell the paws and turn your worst fuck ups into your best damn material."}, {"start": 211.82, "end": 216.34, "text": "Jesse ruined his entire life and turned it into the filthiest education you will ever"}, {"start": 216.34, "end": 219.99, "text": "get."}, {"start": 219.99, "end": 222.95, "text": "Now go out there you filthy motherfuckers."}, {"start": 222.95, "end": 226.47, "text": "Turn your lives with style and cuss about it beautifully."}, {"start": 226.47, "end": 228.31, "text": "Class dismissed the hammer."}, {"start": 228.31, "end": 237.21, "text": "Good night you filthy motherfuckers."}, {"start": 237.21, "end": 239.53, "text": "And that is our show."}, {"start": 239.53, "end": 246.05, "text": "But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new"}, {"start": 246.05, "end": 247.69, "text": "comic steps up."}, {"start": 247.69, "end": 253.33, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week."}, {"start": 253.33, "end": 256.93, "text": "Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 256.93, "end": 259.01, "text": "Get sleep, we're up."}, {"start": 259.01, "end": 262.29, "text": "Going through something so is he always."}, {"start": 262.29, "end": 264.61, "text": "So come back you beautiful degenerates."}, {"start": 264.61, "end": 269.61, "text": "Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds."}, {"start": 269.61, "end": 275.21, "text": "The red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's"}, {"start": 275.21, "end": 276.21, "text": "fault."}, {"start": 276.21, "end": 278.77, "text": "Subscribe he needs the attention."}, {"start": 278.77, "end": 279.13, "text": "Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line Comedy Club. Tonight the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. I'll write you filthy degenerates. Write Jesse teaches you two things. How to cuss like a filthy artist and how to fuck up your entire life. And he is a world-class expert at both motherfuckers. Lesson 1, you filthy animals. The word fuck is not a word. It's a tool. It's a noun, a verb, an adjective, and a whole damn personality. You can be fucked. Get fucked. Fuck up. Fuck off. And not give a fuck. All in one sentence about your regular ass Tuesday. That's poetry. Now the life lessons come from the fuck up motherfuckers and Jesse's biggest one is this. He lost every dollar he ever made. Not some. All of it. To pussy in the stock market. The two most expensive holes a man can ever throw his money into. Lesson 2, the stack. Any dumbass can say one cuss. A master stacks him. Don't say that's bad. Say that is a shit soaked, cock-eyed motherfucking disaster. Some information you filthy bastards. Ten times the respect. Jesse chased the craziest pussy on this earth for 30 years. The screamers, the squirters, the human tornadoes, and acted shocked every single time one of them blew his whole life to shit. That ain't bad luck motherfuckers. That's a man sticking his dick in a blender and complaining about the noise. Lesson 3, the pause. The cuss hits harder when you make him wait for it. I looked at my bank account and I felt absolutely fucked. The pause is the wind up. The cuss is the knockout punch. Timing you beautiful bastards. He got a vasectomy at 23 because he knew he'd fuck half the state, smartest move of his life, shut down the only factory that would have turned a profit. Then he tried the porn business and lost money at that. You gotta be a special breed of fuck up to go broke selling the one thing every man on earth is begging for. Advance lesson, the call back cuss. Take your dumbest fuck up and turn it into your favorite curse word. Now when shit goes wrong Jesse don't say damn, he says, well I just shit mightest it again. The man turned his own name into a swear word. That's legacy motherfuckers. And here's the truth underneath all the filth you beautiful bastards. Every cuss Jesse knows he earned. You don't learn to swear like this in a good life. You learn it on your knees at midnight. Broke alone scrubbing dog hair off a stranger's baseboard screaming fuck at a ceiling that don't answer back. So that's the master class motherfuckers. Fuck is a tool. Stack your cusses, sell the paws and turn your worst fuck ups into your best damn material. Jesse ruined his entire life and turned it into the filthiest education you will ever get. Now go out there you filthy motherfuckers. Turn your lives with style and cuss about it beautifully. Class dismissed the hammer. Good night you filthy motherfuckers. And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Get sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds. The red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}