{"file": "FOUR_COLORS_LOVE_TG.mp3", "duration_sec": 276.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.18, "end": 11.18, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club."}, {"start": 11.18, "end": 21.68, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.68, "end": 28.18, "text": "This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.18, "end": 40.25, "text": "All right, you filthy degenerates. Now that you know your color, Jesse is going to tell you who you should marry and who is going to take half your shit and ruin your damn life."}, {"start": 40.25, "end": 45.25, "text": "This is the four colors of love and it will save you a divorce lawyer."}, {"start": 45.25, "end": 56.06, "text": "Let's start with the truth. Nobody wants to say out loud. The red is the hardest person on earth to be with. Facts."}, {"start": 56.06, "end": 69.06, "text": "A red loves you like a house fire mother fuckers. Warm as hell, cozy, incredible. And any second, the whole thing might burn to the ground. Daytona red ain't a relationship. It's a full contact sport. Bring a helmet."}, {"start": 69.06, "end": 86.82, "text": "So who does a red marry? Well, not a green. Even though the green looks perfect on paper, the green is calm, stable, thoughtful, the responsible one. And a red and a green together?"}, {"start": 86.82, "end": 99.82, "text": "She's trying to have a nice quiet Sunday and he's out front declaring war on the neighbor's sprinkler. She measures twice. He already kicked the door in. Fire and ice, mother fuckers. It's a beautiful disaster."}, {"start": 99.82, "end": 117.48, "text": "Now the yellow. The yellow loves a red. Why? Because the yellow wants to be protected and a red wants to protect. Red yellow is the classic. The fire and the hearth. He keeps her safe. She keeps him soft. That's the one that actually lasts you beautiful bastards."}, {"start": 117.48, "end": 141.79, "text": "But two reds. Oh, two reds is either a dynasty or a double homicide. Two people who both got to be right, both got to be in charge, both ready to throw hands over the thermostat. It's the most powerful couple in the world. Or it's a season of a true crime podcast. There is no in between."}, {"start": 144.58, "end": 156.58, "text": "And you already know about the blue, data blue, and you don't get a girlfriend, you get possessed and a blue red. That's the super freak combo that comes with a hazard sign and a restraining order waiting in the wings."}, {"start": 156.58, "end": 172.43, "text": "Two greens? They think so damn hard about everything that nobody ever makes a move. 40 years of, well, let's consider it. They'll be engaged for a decade running a cost-benefit analysis on the wedding. A green needs a yellow."}, {"start": 172.43, "end": 197.67, "text": "One thinks, one feels, and somebody finally picks a damn restaurant. So here's the whole cheat code, mother fuckers. Stop dating by looks and money and a nice ass. Date by color. Find out yours. Find out theirs. And know exactly what you're walking into before you sign a 30 year contract with somebody who's going to take the house. That's the quiz. That's how you stop marrying the wrong damn person."}, {"start": 198.67, "end": 222.24, "text": "Because here's the real truth I learned the hard way you filthy degenerates. There is no bad color. There's only bad matches. That red ain't hard to love. He's just hard to love for the wrong person. Put the right color next to him. And even a house fire feels like home. Read the colors. Put on the glasses and marry the one your fire don't scare. The hammer. Good night you filthy mother fuckers."}, {"start": 222.24, "end": 256.62, "text": "And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app."}, {"start": 257.62, "end": 270.62, "text": "And let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club. Tonight, the only stage on earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. All right, you filthy degenerates. Now that you know your color, Jesse is going to tell you who you should marry and who is going to take half your shit and ruin your damn life. This is the four colors of love and it will save you a divorce lawyer. Let's start with the truth. Nobody wants to say out loud. The red is the hardest person on earth to be with. Facts. A red loves you like a house fire mother fuckers. Warm as hell, cozy, incredible. And any second, the whole thing might burn to the ground. Daytona red ain't a relationship. It's a full contact sport. Bring a helmet. So who does a red marry? Well, not a green. Even though the green looks perfect on paper, the green is calm, stable, thoughtful, the responsible one. And a red and a green together? She's trying to have a nice quiet Sunday and he's out front declaring war on the neighbor's sprinkler. She measures twice. He already kicked the door in. Fire and ice, mother fuckers. It's a beautiful disaster. Now the yellow. The yellow loves a red. Why? Because the yellow wants to be protected and a red wants to protect. Red yellow is the classic. The fire and the hearth. He keeps her safe. She keeps him soft. That's the one that actually lasts you beautiful bastards. But two reds. Oh, two reds is either a dynasty or a double homicide. Two people who both got to be right, both got to be in charge, both ready to throw hands over the thermostat. It's the most powerful couple in the world. Or it's a season of a true crime podcast. There is no in between. And you already know about the blue, data blue, and you don't get a girlfriend, you get possessed and a blue red. That's the super freak combo that comes with a hazard sign and a restraining order waiting in the wings. Two greens? They think so damn hard about everything that nobody ever makes a move. 40 years of, well, let's consider it. They'll be engaged for a decade running a cost-benefit analysis on the wedding. A green needs a yellow. One thinks, one feels, and somebody finally picks a damn restaurant. So here's the whole cheat code, mother fuckers. Stop dating by looks and money and a nice ass. Date by color. Find out yours. Find out theirs. And know exactly what you're walking into before you sign a 30 year contract with somebody who's going to take the house. That's the quiz. That's how you stop marrying the wrong damn person. Because here's the real truth I learned the hard way you filthy degenerates. There is no bad color. There's only bad matches. That red ain't hard to love. He's just hard to love for the wrong person. Put the right color next to him. And even a house fire feels like home. Read the colors. Put on the glasses and marry the one your fire don't scare. The hammer. Good night you filthy mother fuckers. And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up. Going through something so is he always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app. And let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}