{"file": "EP06_THE_HECKLER.mp3", "duration_sec": 350.0, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 1.8, "text": "And that's the thing about my husband."}, {"start": 1.8, "end": 5.8, "text": "He microwaved a burrito the day I got this booking and the burrito."}, {"start": 6.5, "end": 8.5, "text": "Where is the burrito guy tonight?"}, {"start": 8.8, "end": 9.8, "text": "He here?"}, {"start": 10.1, "end": 12.3, "text": "He watching his wife carry the family?"}, {"start": 12.6, "end": 14.1, "text": "Oh, we're doing this tonight."}, {"start": 14.4, "end": 16.4, "text": "So I'm in the crowd at my wife's show."}, {"start": 16.4, "end": 17.9, "text": "Her show, her crowd."}, {"start": 17.9, "end": 18.7, "text": "I'm a guest."}, {"start": 18.7, "end": 19.9, "text": "I know the assignment."}, {"start": 19.9, "end": 24.4, "text": "And some guy decides my whole personality is available for public commentary."}, {"start": 24.8, "end": 26.2, "text": "Where's the burrito guy?"}, {"start": 26.2, "end": 27.7, "text": "That's not even a good heckle."}, {"start": 27.7, "end": 30.2, "text": "That's a Wikipedia summary with attitude."}, {"start": 30.7, "end": 33.2, "text": "I've bombed in front of 11 people my whole career."}, {"start": 33.4, "end": 37.4, "text": "Tonight I got heckled in front of 200 people who came to see someone else,"}, {"start": 37.5, "end": 42.4, "text": "which means technically I set a new personal record for audience size while doing nothing."}, {"start": 43.0, "end": 49.3, "text": "Here's the part nobody tells you the growth you did in private alone in a kitchen at 11 p.m. with your wife."}, {"start": 50.0, "end": 53.1, "text": "None of that comes with you into a room full of strangers."}, {"start": 53.2, "end": 54.8, "text": "You have to do it all again."}, {"start": 54.9, "end": 56.5, "text": "Live with worse lighting."}, {"start": 57.0, "end": 59.9, "text": "I had 11 years of practice being the guy who bombs."}, {"start": 59.9, "end": 64.3, "text": "I had exactly one week of practice being the guy who's proud of his wife in public."}, {"start": 64.4, "end": 67.7, "text": "Guess which muscle actually showed up real version."}, {"start": 67.7, "end": 68.7, "text": "No jokes yet."}, {"start": 68.8, "end": 72.7, "text": "The heckler says his line room laughs a little the mean kind."}, {"start": 72.8, "end": 74.5, "text": "The kind that's really just relief."}, {"start": 74.5, "end": 78.8, "text": "It's not happening to them and Kota mid set her show."}, {"start": 78.8, "end": 80.9, "text": "She just stops looks right at the guy."}, {"start": 80.9, "end": 85.2, "text": "And for one second, I don't know which Kota's about to show up blue patient."}, {"start": 85.3, "end": 88.8, "text": "Gonna handle it smooth or something else something with teeth."}, {"start": 89.2, "end": 97.6, "text": "And in that second before she says anything, I had a choice to I could sit there and let my wife fight this for me in front of 200 people."}, {"start": 97.8, "end": 105.0, "text": "Or I could stand up and take it myself badly in public the way I've taken everything badly in public for 11 years."}, {"start": 105.5, "end": 106.3, "text": "I stood up."}, {"start": 106.4, "end": 115.0, "text": "I don't even fully know why some part of me that's apparently been rebuilding this whole season decided tonight was the test and it didn't ask my permission first."}, {"start": 115.5, "end": 139.3, "text": "Introducing plus one armor specially designed dignity protection for the supportive spouse in the crowd comes with a preloaded come back for where's the burrito guy a preloaded come back for does she do your laundry to and one emergency exit route clearly marked for men who suddenly remember they left the stove on two hours away."}, {"start": 139.9, "end": 152.9, "text": "Plus one armor will not make the room like you it will help you survive not being liked for four consecutive minutes which statistically is your average anyway disclaimer."}, {"start": 153.4, "end": 166.7, "text": "Plus one armor offers no protection against your own wife handling it better than you would have that risk is permanent structural and frankly the whole marriage at this point."}, {"start": 167.3, "end": 168.2, "text": "You stood up."}, {"start": 168.9, "end": 169.6, "text": "I stood up."}, {"start": 170.3, "end": 174.9, "text": "You didn't have to I had him I've handled worse than one guy with a burrito joke."}, {"start": 175.4, "end": 177.6, "text": "I know you had him that's not why I stood up."}, {"start": 178.2, "end": 178.8, "text": "Then why?"}, {"start": 179.5, "end": 187.8, "text": "Because the offer episode the whole thing where I said I was proud of you and I meant it that doesn't count for anything if it only shows up when nobody's testing it."}, {"start": 188.3, "end": 193.7, "text": "I needed to know if it was real or if it was just something I said one night because it sounded like growth."}, {"start": 194.3, "end": 198.1, "text": "And it's real it's clumsy and I don't have a good heck."}, {"start": 198.2, "end": 203.7, "text": "I'm not a regular come back and I definitely made it weirder by standing up with no plan but it's real."}, {"start": 204.2, "end": 208.2, "text": "I'd rather bomb defending you in public than sit quiet and safe in a chair."}, {"start": 209.0, "end": 211.2, "text": "That might be the least funny thing you've ever said to me."}, {"start": 212.0, "end": 213.8, "text": "I know doesn't mean it's not the best."}, {"start": 214.4, "end": 215.6, "text": "No it doesn't."}, {"start": 216.0, "end": 218.2, "text": "I'm still annoyed you interrupted my timing though."}, {"start": 218.7, "end": 222.2, "text": "I had a whole rhythm going before you stood up like a man in a courtroom drama."}, {"start": 223.2, "end": 225.2, "text": "I'll workshop the delivery not the instinct."}, {"start": 225.7, "end": 231.9, "text": "Acceptable I filed tonight under growth again same folder as last time it's getting crowded in there."}, {"start": 232.5, "end": 242.7, "text": "In a world where the crowd came for her one heckler one microphone he wasn't holding one man who finally stood up for something other than himself."}, {"start": 243.4, "end": 253.5, "text": "He's not the funniest one in the room tonight he didn't need to be stand up guy rated PG 13 for poorly planned bravery."}, {"start": 254.0, "end": 258.7, "text": "Coming to a heckler near you whenever he least expects consequences."}, {"start": 259.2, "end": 269.8, "text": "So I got heckled at my wife's show last week not my show her show I was just sitting there minding my own business being a supportive plus one and some guy made me the bit."}, {"start": 270.2, "end": 278.4, "text": "I stood up I had no plan I want to be clear I did not have a comeback ready I just stood up like my body filed a motion without consulting me."}, {"start": 278.7, "end": 282.1, "text": "Best part I didn't even need to say anything smart."}, {"start": 282.6, "end": 293.1, "text": "Turns out just standing up badly with no plan reads as husband of the year to a room that expected nothing from me lowest bar in comedy history and I cleared it by accident."}, {"start": 294.1, "end": 302.5, "text": "My wife handled the actual heckler beautifully obviously I just handled myself slightly better than usual in this house that counts as a championship."}, {"start": 303.1, "end": 311.3, "text": "11 years of bombing taught me how to survive a bad room it took my wife's success to teach me how to survive a bad room I wasn't even the target of."}, {"start": 312.1, "end": 321.1, "text": "For the record the burrito guys stood up for me last week preemptively without being asked I'm choosing to believe that's the actual headline not the heckler."}, {"start": 321.6, "end": 327.8, "text": "I'll take that headline I know I already logged it growth folder it has its own subfolder now."}, {"start": 328.4, "end": 340.3, "text": "I used to think the whole goal was getting good enough that nobody could heckle me anymore turns out the actual goal was getting good enough that I could stand up for somebody else while getting heckled and not even notice I'd finally arrived."}, {"start": 340.3, "end": 349.3, "text": "Wrong finish line the whole time right marriage though find us at bomb dot app bring your own comeback minds still in beta."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nAnd that's the thing about my husband. He microwaved a burrito the day I got this booking and the burrito. Where is the burrito guy tonight? He here? He watching his wife carry the family? Oh, we're doing this tonight. So I'm in the crowd at my wife's show. Her show, her crowd. I'm a guest. I know the assignment. And some guy decides my whole personality is available for public commentary. Where's the burrito guy? That's not even a good heckle. That's a Wikipedia summary with attitude. I've bombed in front of 11 people my whole career. Tonight I got heckled in front of 200 people who came to see someone else, which means technically I set a new personal record for audience size while doing nothing. Here's the part nobody tells you the growth you did in private alone in a kitchen at 11 p.m. with your wife. None of that comes with you into a room full of strangers. You have to do it all again. Live with worse lighting. I had 11 years of practice being the guy who bombs. I had exactly one week of practice being the guy who's proud of his wife in public. Guess which muscle actually showed up real version. No jokes yet. The heckler says his line room laughs a little the mean kind. The kind that's really just relief. It's not happening to them and Kota mid set her show. She just stops looks right at the guy. And for one second, I don't know which Kota's about to show up blue patient. Gonna handle it smooth or something else something with teeth. And in that second before she says anything, I had a choice to I could sit there and let my wife fight this for me in front of 200 people. Or I could stand up and take it myself badly in public the way I've taken everything badly in public for 11 years. I stood up. I don't even fully know why some part of me that's apparently been rebuilding this whole season decided tonight was the test and it didn't ask my permission first. Introducing plus one armor specially designed dignity protection for the supportive spouse in the crowd comes with a preloaded come back for where's the burrito guy a preloaded come back for does she do your laundry to and one emergency exit route clearly marked for men who suddenly remember they left the stove on two hours away. Plus one armor will not make the room like you it will help you survive not being liked for four consecutive minutes which statistically is your average anyway disclaimer. Plus one armor offers no protection against your own wife handling it better than you would have that risk is permanent structural and frankly the whole marriage at this point. You stood up. I stood up. You didn't have to I had him I've handled worse than one guy with a burrito joke. I know you had him that's not why I stood up. Then why? Because the offer episode the whole thing where I said I was proud of you and I meant it that doesn't count for anything if it only shows up when nobody's testing it. I needed to know if it was real or if it was just something I said one night because it sounded like growth. And it's real it's clumsy and I don't have a good heck. I'm not a regular come back and I definitely made it weirder by standing up with no plan but it's real. I'd rather bomb defending you in public than sit quiet and safe in a chair. That might be the least funny thing you've ever said to me. I know doesn't mean it's not the best. No it doesn't. I'm still annoyed you interrupted my timing though. I had a whole rhythm going before you stood up like a man in a courtroom drama. I'll workshop the delivery not the instinct. Acceptable I filed tonight under growth again same folder as last time it's getting crowded in there. In a world where the crowd came for her one heckler one microphone he wasn't holding one man who finally stood up for something other than himself. He's not the funniest one in the room tonight he didn't need to be stand up guy rated PG 13 for poorly planned bravery. Coming to a heckler near you whenever he least expects consequences. So I got heckled at my wife's show last week not my show her show I was just sitting there minding my own business being a supportive plus one and some guy made me the bit. I stood up I had no plan I want to be clear I did not have a comeback ready I just stood up like my body filed a motion without consulting me. Best part I didn't even need to say anything smart. Turns out just standing up badly with no plan reads as husband of the year to a room that expected nothing from me lowest bar in comedy history and I cleared it by accident. My wife handled the actual heckler beautifully obviously I just handled myself slightly better than usual in this house that counts as a championship. 11 years of bombing taught me how to survive a bad room it took my wife's success to teach me how to survive a bad room I wasn't even the target of. For the record the burrito guys stood up for me last week preemptively without being asked I'm choosing to believe that's the actual headline not the heckler. I'll take that headline I know I already logged it growth folder it has its own subfolder now. I used to think the whole goal was getting good enough that nobody could heckle me anymore turns out the actual goal was getting good enough that I could stand up for somebody else while getting heckled and not even notice I'd finally arrived. Wrong finish line the whole time right marriage though find us at bomb dot app bring your own comeback minds still in beta.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}