{"file": "BROKEN_AT_50_TG.mp3", "duration_sec": 281.2, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.18, "end": 11.18, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club."}, {"start": 11.18, "end": 19.18, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software"}, {"start": 19.18, "end": 28.18, "text": "and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.18, "end": 40.22, "text": "Alright, you filthy degenerates. Tonight, Jesse tells you what nobody warns you about. What happens to a sex-crazed maniac when he turns 50 and goes broke?"}, {"start": 40.22, "end": 63.0, "text": "Spoiler. The dick clocks out before you do. At 18 motherfuckers, I was a machine. A heat-seeking pussy-missile. I thought about sex 24 hours a day. Eatin', sleepin', drivein'. I was thinking about it. I was out hunting screamers and squirters like it was my damn job. And business was booming."}, {"start": 63.0, "end": 85.34, "text": "Fast forward to 50. You want to know what I think about when I wake up now you filthy animals? Not pussy, not one single time. I wake up in my very first thought is, how many clients I got today? My second thought is, did I feed the dogs? My dick went into early retirement and didn't even leave a note."}, {"start": 86.34, "end": 102.62, "text": "You know what killed my sex drive motherfuckers? Wasn't age. Wasn't the busted body. It was bills. Ain't nobody ever been horny while doin' math. You cannot get hard and calculate a light bill at the same damn time. The human body will not allow it."}, {"start": 102.62, "end": 118.5, "text": "And that's the real shit might as kickin' the balls. I spent 30 years chasing pussy and the exact minute I finally figured it all out, the colors, the glasses, the whole system. My body goes cool, we're closed. Thanks for playing."}, {"start": 118.5, "end": 131.32, "text": "I'm a master locksmith with no more damn doors to open. Since the stripper packed up and left, I stopped datin' completely. Now I'm just out here surviving motherfuckers."}, {"start": 131.32, "end": 146.98, "text": "Picture it. I'm alone in the middle of the ocean, no land anywhere, just paddling, paddling, try not to drown. And let me tell you somethin' you beautiful bastards ain't nobody horny while they're drowningin'."}, {"start": 146.98, "end": 158.98, "text": "So my only life raft now, my one hope, is this $5,000 supercomputer in a spare bedroom. That's my new lover. Me and a robot, paddling toward land together."}, {"start": 158.98, "end": 169.98, "text": "Hopin' this machine helps me find some dirt so I can build a little hut and finally rest. That's the sex life at 50, a man in his computer, spoonin' in the dark."}, {"start": 169.98, "end": 182.22, "text": "And here's the part that'll wreck you. You wanna know my wildest fantasy now? At 50? It ain't an orgy, it ain't a threesome."}, {"start": 182.22, "end": 197.22, "text": "My dirtiest dream is this. I build my little hut on my little piece of land, and one day a girl walks up and says hi. And I say hi back. And then I look at her. And I ask her, you okay? You need any help?"}, {"start": 198.22, "end": 210.59, "text": "That's it, that's the whole fantasy motherfuckers. I went from screamers and squirters to, do you need a hand with that? I'm so broke and so tired my filthiest dream is being useful to somebody."}, {"start": 210.59, "end": 226.59, "text": "The pussy hunter turned into a damn non-profit. But you know what? You filthy degenerates, after 50 years of chasing the loud ones, maybe? Are you okay? Was the realest love I ever had to give? The hammer. Good night, you filthy motherfuckers."}, {"start": 227.59, "end": 253.13, "text": "And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day, a brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week, fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated."}, {"start": 253.13, "end": 276.13, "text": "Can't sleep, we're up, going through something so is he, always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates, go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds, the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Alright, you filthy degenerates. Tonight, Jesse tells you what nobody warns you about. What happens to a sex-crazed maniac when he turns 50 and goes broke? Spoiler. The dick clocks out before you do. At 18 motherfuckers, I was a machine. A heat-seeking pussy-missile. I thought about sex 24 hours a day. Eatin', sleepin', drivein'. I was thinking about it. I was out hunting screamers and squirters like it was my damn job. And business was booming. Fast forward to 50. You want to know what I think about when I wake up now you filthy animals? Not pussy, not one single time. I wake up in my very first thought is, how many clients I got today? My second thought is, did I feed the dogs? My dick went into early retirement and didn't even leave a note. You know what killed my sex drive motherfuckers? Wasn't age. Wasn't the busted body. It was bills. Ain't nobody ever been horny while doin' math. You cannot get hard and calculate a light bill at the same damn time. The human body will not allow it. And that's the real shit might as kickin' the balls. I spent 30 years chasing pussy and the exact minute I finally figured it all out, the colors, the glasses, the whole system. My body goes cool, we're closed. Thanks for playing. I'm a master locksmith with no more damn doors to open. Since the stripper packed up and left, I stopped datin' completely. Now I'm just out here surviving motherfuckers. Picture it. I'm alone in the middle of the ocean, no land anywhere, just paddling, paddling, try not to drown. And let me tell you somethin' you beautiful bastards ain't nobody horny while they're drowningin'. So my only life raft now, my one hope, is this $5,000 supercomputer in a spare bedroom. That's my new lover. Me and a robot, paddling toward land together. Hopin' this machine helps me find some dirt so I can build a little hut and finally rest. That's the sex life at 50, a man in his computer, spoonin' in the dark. And here's the part that'll wreck you. You wanna know my wildest fantasy now? At 50? It ain't an orgy, it ain't a threesome. My dirtiest dream is this. I build my little hut on my little piece of land, and one day a girl walks up and says hi. And I say hi back. And then I look at her. And I ask her, you okay? You need any help? That's it, that's the whole fantasy motherfuckers. I went from screamers and squirters to, do you need a hand with that? I'm so broke and so tired my filthiest dream is being useful to somebody. The pussy hunter turned into a damn non-profit. But you know what? You filthy degenerates, after 50 years of chasing the loud ones, maybe? Are you okay? Was the realest love I ever had to give? The hammer. Good night, you filthy motherfuckers. And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day, a brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week, fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep, we're up, going through something so is he, always. So come back, you beautiful degenerates, go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds, the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there, it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe, he needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}