{"file": "BLUE_HORROR_STORIES_TG.mp3", "duration_sec": 273.9, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.18, "end": 11.18, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club."}, {"start": 11.18, "end": 21.68, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.68, "end": 28.18, "text": "This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.18, "end": 39.22, "text": "Alright, you filthy degenerates. I told you the blue was the most dangerous color. Now let me tell you why they're the scary stories."}, {"start": 39.22, "end": 48.22, "text": "Because here's the truth that's gonna hit every damn person in this room. You are either married to a blue or your mom or your dad is one. There's no escape in it."}, {"start": 48.22, "end": 62.06, "text": "Mine, my mom, a full-blown shoe-throwing category 5 blue. See, a blue feels everything at 200% motherfuckers. They don't have a dimmer switch."}, {"start": 62.06, "end": 75.06, "text": "It's all the way off or all the way on. And that intensity is beautiful when they love you. But you take that same all the way on blue and you add a vice. And now you got yourself a horror movie."}, {"start": 75.06, "end": 92.6, "text": "Because a blue does nothing halfway. You filthy animals. A blue don't have a drink. A blue drinks like it owes them money. A blue don't gamble a little. A blue puts the deed to the house on black. A blue doesn't snack. A blue eats their entire childhood trauma one buffet at a time."}, {"start": 92.6, "end": 123.34, "text": "Whatever they grab, they grab all of it. My blue mother could turn a disagreement about dinner into a hostage situation. Zero to 100 over the wrong casserole. I grew up thinking flying footwear was just weather. That's a blue on a bad day. Motherfuckers. A beautiful loving woman who could also end you with a house slipper at 40 miles an hour. And go check the tape on every crazy story you ever heard. You beautiful bastards."}, {"start": 123.34, "end": 140.34, "text": "The one who lost the whole house at the casino in one night. Blue. The one who drank the family into the ground. Blue. The one who ate themselves into a coma feeding a feeling. Blue. It's always a damn blue. They're the main character in every horror movie or family whispers about it funerals."}, {"start": 140.34, "end": 162.16, "text": "Because the exact same superpower that makes a blue read you become your perfect match and love you harder than anybody alive. That all in no breaks intensity is the same engine that drives them straight into a bottle, a slot machine or a drive through at three in the morning. The gift and the curse run on the same fuel."}, {"start": 163.16, "end": 178.08, "text": "A blue is a Ferrari with no breaks mother fuckers pointed at love. It's the right of your life pointed at a vice. It's a Stephen King novel with your last name on the cover. Same car just depends which way they aimed it."}, {"start": 180.42, "end": 192.42, "text": "So here's your survival guide. You filthy degenerates. If you love a blue, keep them the hell away from the casino, the bar and the all you can eat and love them all the way every day on purpose."}, {"start": 192.42, "end": 219.24, "text": "Because a blue with a healthy obsession is heaven on earth and a blue with an addiction. That's the story your grandkids are going to be scared to tell. That's the blue mother fuckers the most loving, most dangerous, most all in soul walk in the planet. Read the colors put on the glasses and when you find your blue hide the car keys and the credit cards and hold on tight the hammer. Good night you filthy bastards."}, {"start": 220.24, "end": 250.81, "text": "And that is our show but the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up and another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated can't sleep. We're up going through something so is he always."}, {"start": 250.81, "end": 264.81, "text": "So come back you beautiful degenerates go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault."}, {"start": 264.81, "end": 268.81, "text": "Subscribe he needs the attention good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Alright, you filthy degenerates. I told you the blue was the most dangerous color. Now let me tell you why they're the scary stories. Because here's the truth that's gonna hit every damn person in this room. You are either married to a blue or your mom or your dad is one. There's no escape in it. Mine, my mom, a full-blown shoe-throwing category 5 blue. See, a blue feels everything at 200% motherfuckers. They don't have a dimmer switch. It's all the way off or all the way on. And that intensity is beautiful when they love you. But you take that same all the way on blue and you add a vice. And now you got yourself a horror movie. Because a blue does nothing halfway. You filthy animals. A blue don't have a drink. A blue drinks like it owes them money. A blue don't gamble a little. A blue puts the deed to the house on black. A blue doesn't snack. A blue eats their entire childhood trauma one buffet at a time. Whatever they grab, they grab all of it. My blue mother could turn a disagreement about dinner into a hostage situation. Zero to 100 over the wrong casserole. I grew up thinking flying footwear was just weather. That's a blue on a bad day. Motherfuckers. A beautiful loving woman who could also end you with a house slipper at 40 miles an hour. And go check the tape on every crazy story you ever heard. You beautiful bastards. The one who lost the whole house at the casino in one night. Blue. The one who drank the family into the ground. Blue. The one who ate themselves into a coma feeding a feeling. Blue. It's always a damn blue. They're the main character in every horror movie or family whispers about it funerals. Because the exact same superpower that makes a blue read you become your perfect match and love you harder than anybody alive. That all in no breaks intensity is the same engine that drives them straight into a bottle, a slot machine or a drive through at three in the morning. The gift and the curse run on the same fuel. A blue is a Ferrari with no breaks mother fuckers pointed at love. It's the right of your life pointed at a vice. It's a Stephen King novel with your last name on the cover. Same car just depends which way they aimed it. So here's your survival guide. You filthy degenerates. If you love a blue, keep them the hell away from the casino, the bar and the all you can eat and love them all the way every day on purpose. Because a blue with a healthy obsession is heaven on earth and a blue with an addiction. That's the story your grandkids are going to be scared to tell. That's the blue mother fuckers the most loving, most dangerous, most all in soul walk in the planet. Read the colors put on the glasses and when you find your blue hide the car keys and the credit cards and hold on tight the hammer. Good night you filthy bastards. And that is our show but the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up and another piece of this man's dignity steps down 24 hours, seven days a week fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated can't sleep. We're up going through something so is he always. So come back you beautiful degenerates go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh before the dark winds the red line comedy club open all night because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe he needs the attention good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}