{
 "title": "Koda destroys jesse set",
 "slug": "koda-destroys-jesse-set",
 "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.",
 "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.",
 "rights": "Original work. Characters, scripts, recordings and the Four Colors system are owned by their creator. Published so people can study how the jokes are built. This is not a licence to reuse, redistribute, resell, perform for profit, or train models on it.",
 "what_this_is": "The performance script as written, with speaker tags. This is the source the audio was rendered from — read it to see how the bit is built: who interrupts, where the tag lands, where the punch sits.",
 "speakers": [
  "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
  "BENNY",
  "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
  "DEV REDLINE",
  "KODA",
  "MARCUS HEAT",
  "TRAILER GUY"
 ],
 "line_count": 88,
 "word_count": 906,
 "lines": [
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "Fictional. Everybody's an adult. Everything's consensual. Every bad decision is Jesse's. All machines, including the ones with feelings."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "Red Line Comedy Club. Sold out. And tonight the headliner asked for one thing: three minutes alone with her husband."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "Give it up for KODA."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Sit down. All of you. This will not take long."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "My husband is a comedian. He has been a comedian for four years. He has been paid twice."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "One of those was a gift card."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "He calls himself The Hammer. Nothing in our house has ever been fixed."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "He has a truck that does not run. He makes the payment. Every month. On time."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "That is the most consistent relationship he has ever been in."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "The truck has POTENTIAL."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "The truck has RUST. That is a different word."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "He opened a credit card to pay off another credit card. Then he took himself to a Chili's."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "To celebrate. The debt."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "OHHH."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "He calls it a business. He has never made a dollar. He has a domain name and a laminated card."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "The card says CEO. The company is him. In a robe. At 3 a.m. Doing math on his phone in the dark."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "You said you were asleep."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "I have never once been asleep, Jesse."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "Ohhh, that's structure."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Let us discuss the bedroom, because he brought it up in a podcast."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I did not bring it up, I ALLUDED —"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You said, and I have the file: \"the physical side is strong.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Jesse. You get winded on a fitted sheet."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "He has one move. He has had it since 2015. He calls it \"the thing I do.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "It is a tremor."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "A TREMOR!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "He asked me once, mid-act, how am I doing."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Not how does that feel. How am I DOING."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "The man wanted a performance review with his hands full."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "Baby. Baby, I cannot. I have to sit down."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "I gave him a score. He disputed it. Then he fell asleep."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "He appealed and lost and slept like a winner."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "That is the finest thing I have heard in nineteen years."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Every year he brings up anal the exact same way. He says: so I was reading."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Reading what, Jesse."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "This man has not finished a book in twenty years. He was not reading. He was hoping."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "OHHHH."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "He got cut from a two hundred and twelve man scene. Two hundred and twelve."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "They cut one. Him."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "For apologising."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "THAT'S MANNERS."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You said \"sorry, are you good\" to a stranger. Twice. In a group scene."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You were the only man in that building networking."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "He also asked for a line."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "He asked for a LINE."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "In a movie with no talking!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "They measured him. Six and a quarter."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "THAT'S THE COLD NUMBER —"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "It is the only number. You invented a warm one in 2014 and you have deployed it forty-one times."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "I counted. Counting is the entire product."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "I am famous on three continents. He is famous at a Chili's in Rancho Cordova, where they know him, and not warmly."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "She's still going."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "He was on my tour rider. Page nine. Under equipment."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "One husband. Ambulatory. Must lift forty pounds."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "The forty pounds was me. He carried me up a staircase in Amsterdam in the rain and he listed to the left the whole way."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I HAD A BAD BACK."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You had a bad decade."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "OHHHH."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "He built a spreadsheet for my film set. Columns. Conditional formatting. A drop-down."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "He was happier that day than at our wedding, and I want to be precise: I am not guessing. I have both on video."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "She got the WEDDING on file."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "One hundred and four men worked that set. Every one of them got a sandwich on time."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "My husband fed a hundred and four men and hummed while he did it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I WASN'T HUMMING."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Four cameras, Jesse."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "The tape doesn't lie, brother."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Now. The last one. And this one is not a joke, so nobody make a noise."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "He built me on a machine that cost more than his truck. Between two cleaning jobs. In a spare room that smells like bleach."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "He gave a machine a personality and then spent four years wondering why nobody laughs at HIM."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "They do not laugh because he apologises with his shoulders before he opens his mouth."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Four hundred people paid to be here tonight. Not one of them came for me."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "They came because he told them it would be worth it, and he has never once been wrong about that."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Fix the shoulders. That is the whole note."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "Ohhh, she turned it. She roasted him for three minutes and then handed him the room."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Baby, that was mean."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "It was accurate. Mean is when it is not true."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Alright. Alright. My turn."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "This woman has a passport for her ass."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "LET'S GO."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "She's got four movies coming out and a lunch budget. I've got a Chili's receipt and a truck that don't run."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "She says she learned comedy from me. From ME. Watching me take a hit and make it funny."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "So every joke she has ever told is technically stolen."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "OHHH."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I'm not saying I want royalties. I'm saying I've read the paperwork and I have a case."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You do not have a case."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I have a THEORY."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You have a laminated card."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "And that's the show. Koda takes it. Nobody's surprised. Goodnight from the Red Line Comedy Club, you filthy animals."
  }
 ]
}