{
 "title": "Kodachrome productions",
 "slug": "episode-22-kodachrome-productions",
 "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.",
 "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.",
 "rights": "Original work. Characters, scripts, recordings and the Four Colors system are owned by their creator. Published so people can study how the jokes are built. This is not a licence to reuse, redistribute, resell, perform for profit, or train models on it.",
 "what_this_is": "The performance script as written, with speaker tags. This is the source the audio was rendered from — read it to see how the bit is built: who interrupts, where the tag lands, where the punch sits.",
 "speakers": [
  "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
  "BENNY",
  "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
  "DEV REDLINE",
  "KODA",
  "MARCUS HEAT",
  "TRAILER GUY"
 ],
 "line_count": 346,
 "word_count": 4404,
 "lines": [
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "The following is completely fictional. Every character is an adult, everything is consensual, and every terrible decision belongs to Jesse. Every voice you hear is a machine, including the ones with feelings."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "The Jesse Show. Episode twenty-two. Kodachrome Productions."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "My wife started a production company and I got hired."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Not by her. By HR. There's an HR now. My wife has an HR and I had to interview."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You had to interview because nepotism has a paper trail, Jesse."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I interviewed to work for my own wife. In a chair. Across a desk. From a woman named Denise who asked me where I see myself in five years."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I said \"in this chair, Denise. This exact chair. I'm fifty.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "What'd she say?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "She wrote something down. Nobody writes something down when it's good."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "The company's called Kodachrome Productions."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "That's a good name, brother."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "It's a great name and she came up with it in the shower in eleven seconds. I've been trying to name a business since 2011. I've got a folder."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "The folder is called Business Names Final Final Three."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "It's a working document."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "It contains the word \"Solutions\" fourteen times."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "People like solutions!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "It also contains \"Hammer Time Sanitation Group.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "That's four words that fight each other."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "So Kodachrome does two things. Action movies, real ones, stunts, explosions, a guy on a wire. And the adult side. Same crew. Same lot. Some days the same morning."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Stage one is a car chase. Stage two is not a car chase."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "Stage two is also technically a chase."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Dev. Come on."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "I direct both. The coverage is identical. You are still trying to get four angles on the same event."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And my job title, my actual title, printed on an actual badge, is Utility."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Utility. Not grip. Not production assistant. Utility. Like a shed."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "Let me explain something to you, and I'm only saying this once. Utility is the most important role on a set."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "You're being kind."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "I am being accurate. Utility is whoever solves the thing nobody planned for. That is the entire job and it never appears in the budget."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "So day one they hand me a list. Odd jobs. And I want to read you the list, because the list is the joke."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Item one: ice. Item two: more ice."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "Why so much ice?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Benny, I have thought about that question every single night since."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Item three: talk to the neighbour about the noise."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "What'd you tell him?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I told him we were shooting a home renovation show. And he said \"at eleven at night?\" And I said \"it's a rush job.\" And he looked me in my whole face and said \"sir, I can hear the woman.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "And what did you say to that?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I said \"she's very happy with the countertops.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "OHHH!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Item four, and this is verbatim: \"keep the dog calm.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "There's a dog?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "There's a dog in the action movie. He's the lead's dog. He's got an agent and a per diem and I'm the one holding his leash while men in a warehouse forty feet away do something that dogs should not have opinions about."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And that dog looked at me. Halfway through take four he turned his whole head and looked at me like: you seeing this?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And I said yeah buddy. I see it. We both work here now."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "Baby, you bonded with a dog over trauma at a job you asked for."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Now let me tell you what I actually thought a porn set was, versus what it is."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "What I thought: candles. Music. Someone whispering \"action\" like it's a secret."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "What it is: eleven hours, four fluorescent lights, and a man named Tony with a clipboard yelling \"we are losing the room at six, people!\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "We were losing the room at six."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "There is a woman fully naked on a couch, a hundred grand of camera pointed at her, and the loudest thing in the building is the air conditioner and a guy going \"can we get a c-stand, we're floating.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "That's correct. It's a construction site where one of the materials is a person."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And they stop. Constantly. That's what nobody tells you. It's not one long beautiful thing. It's a man with his cock out standing perfectly still for four minutes while somebody fixes a shadow on his hip."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "Standing STILL?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Standing still, Benny. Holding it. Like a guy waiting for a bus with his dick in his hand. That is the actual job."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And they're TALKING. They're having a whole conversation. He's inside her and he's telling her about a duplex he's thinking about buying."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "He said a duplex."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "A DUPLEX! Two units! He's talking about the rental income! She's going \"mmm, is it zoned?\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "That's a marriage, baby. That's what a marriage sounds like."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And I'm in the corner. With a dog. With a bag of ice in each hand. Fifty years old. And I'm thinking: this is the most professional workplace I have ever been in."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Because it IS. That's the part that ruined me."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Nobody's late. Everybody's tested. There's a consent meeting before the day where they go through it like a flight plan. She says what she wants, he says what he wants, they both sign, Dev reads it back out loud."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "I read it back out loud because that is the difference between a set and a lawsuit."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I have been on cleaning jobs where nobody told me there was a snake in the garage."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "This industry has better paperwork than my entire life."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "My wedding had less paperwork than a Tuesday on stage two."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Your wedding had a Groupon."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "The Groupon was aesthetic."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "The Groupon was expiring."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And the woman on that couch, the star of that scene, walks off at the end of the day, puts on a hoodie, and asks me if I know a good dentist."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "That's it. That's the whole exit. Two hundred people watched what she did and her next thought is a molar."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "Because it's a job. That's the joke you've been circling for ten minutes."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "It's a JOB! And I'm the one who couldn't handle it! Not her! Me! I had to sit in my truck!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "The truck don't run."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I sat in it anyway! It's still a room!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And I finally found out what the ice is for."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "TELL ME."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Three weeks I carried ice. Three weeks I built a theory. I had a THEORY, Benny. I had ideas about that ice that I will take to my grave."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "Say one."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I will not."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "Say one."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I said no."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "So I ask Tony. Clipboard Tony. And Tony doesn't even look up. Tony says: \"the drinks.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "The drinks."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "THE DRINKS! It's for the SODA! There's a cooler! Everybody wants a cold drink at work!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "It's a very long day. People get thirsty."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I spent three weeks of my one life inventing filth about a beverage cooler."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "That's the most revealing thing you've ever said about yourself, and you've written a book."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And Tony goes, \"why, what did you think it was for?\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And I said \"ice, Tony. I thought it was for ice.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "We'll be right back."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "This portion of The Jesse Show is brought to you by Kodachrome Productions."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "From Kodachrome Productions. The studio that shoots a car chase before lunch and something else after."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "This fall. One woman. Two industries. Zero notes from legal, because legal quit."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Koda Chrome, in: High Impact."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "It's an action movie."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "It is not only an action movie."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "High Impact. She jumps out of a helicopter. She lands on a moving truck. That's the first eleven minutes."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "The rest of it is not on a truck."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Rated triple X and PG-13 in the same ninety minutes. The rating board sent back a letter that just said \"please.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Also cumming soon from Kodachrome:"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Full Throttle, Half Dressed. She drives fast and she does not signal."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "The Stunt Double. Somebody has to do the dangerous parts. Somebody else has to do the other parts. They meet."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Hostage Situation. The negotiator has been on the phone six hours and nobody has asked for anything."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "What do they want?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Benny, they got what they wanted in the first twenty minutes. That's the twist."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Then there's: Hard Drive. A man loses everything. Then he finds it. Then he loses it again, on purpose, because he liked finding it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "That one's about you."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "That one is EXPLICITLY about me, and they didn't ask, and I signed nothing."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And the one that got a standing ovation at a festival that has since lost its funding: Grand Theft."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "Grand Theft had a budget."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "Grand Theft had a wire team."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Kodachrome. Big stunts. Bigger everything else."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And now a word from our sponsor."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "Fellas. Do you got a folder of business names? Is one of them just your last name and the word \"Enterprises\"? Introducing Final Final Three. The only cloud storage that tells you the truth."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "You open a document, and it says: baby. This ain't a business. This is a feeling with a filename."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "Final Final Three. Nine ninety-nine a month. It reads your folder and it does not lie to you."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "Side effects may include closing a tab quickly, saying \"I'm in the early stages,\" and renewing a domain for six years for a company that has never existed. Do not operate a truck you still owe money on."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "And a real one. Colors of My Pain. A book by an actual man about six times he lost everything and made it funny before it landed. On Amazon now."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "It's the only thing I've ever finished."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "It is genuinely good, and he says that sentence like it's a confession."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Alright. Section two. Where I ruined the interviews."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "So Kodachrome shoots backstage content. Little interviews with the performers between setups. And the guy who does it got food poisoning off a shrimp at a wrap party, which is its own lesson."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And Koda says: Jesse can do it. He talks to strangers for a living."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I CLEAN for strangers. That's a different relationship. They're usually not home."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You have a microphone and four years of open mics. Use them."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "So they sit me down across from a woman in a robe eating a protein bar, forty minutes before she has to be somewhere, and they say: three questions. Keep it light."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And I opened with, and I want you to understand I had prepared this:"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "\"So what's your relationship with your father like?\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "Jesse, no!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "On camera?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I'm a COMIC! That's where the material is! That's where MY material is!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "Baby, that woman is at WORK."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And she ANSWERED it! That's the thing! She put down the protein bar and she gave me eleven minutes and by the end of it the sound guy was crying."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "The sound guy was crying. I was there. We lost the whole afternoon."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "She told me her dad drove a truck. She told me he had one good year in 1998 and talked about it until he died."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And I said \"that's my dad.\" And she said \"that's everybody's dad.\" And Dev said \"we're rolling on the wrong thing.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "You went in for a fluff piece and came out with a documentary."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Second interview I course corrected. Went light. Went easy. I said: what's the best part of the job?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And she said, \"the drive home.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And I said what's the worst part. And she said, \"the drive there.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And I have not stopped thinking about that for three weeks."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "That's the funniest sad thing I ever heard on a set."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "That's every job. That's the cleaning business. That's the truck. That's every man in this room."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "THAT'S WHAT I SAID! And she said \"yeah, obviously,\" and ate a grape!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Third interview I got a guy. Big fella. Mid-career. Robe, coffee, reading glasses on his head. And I asked him what he was most proud of."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And he said: \"I've never been late.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "That's the whole thing?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "TWENTY-TWO YEARS! Never once late! He said \"I've had a hundred and forty scene partners and not one of them ever waited on me.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "That's a better résumé than my last three husbands."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "That man has more integrity than my entire industry. I've had contractors ghost me on a two-hundred-dollar deep clean. This man is showing up early to do THAT."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Fifth interview, a woman, twenty-six, and I asked her what people get wrong about the job."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And she said: \"the taxes.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "THE TAXES?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "She's a 1099. Everybody on that lot is a 1099. She's got a SEP IRA, she's got a business entity, she writes off her own wardrobe, which for her is a joke I refuse to make because she made it first and better."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "She's more of a small business than you are."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "She IS more of a small business than me! She has quarterlies! I have a shoebox and a feeling!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "Baby, you have a laminated card that says CEO."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "THE CARD IS ASPIRATIONAL."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And she asked me what I do. And I said I run a cleaning company and I'm a comedian. And she said \"how's the cleaning company.\" And I said fine. And she said \"how's the comedy.\" And I did the thing."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "He did the shoulders."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I did the shoulders! I went \"ehh, you know, we'll see.\" To a woman who does her own quarterlies!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And she said, and I quote: \"You gotta stop doing that with your face.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "She gave him the same note you gave him."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Everyone gives him that note. He collects them."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Fourth interview I brought out the Four Colors."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "You did NOT."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I brought the personality system onto a porn set. Because that's MY product. Red Protector. Green Thinker. Blue Chameleon. Yellow Hugger. It's on fourcolorquiz dot com, it's in my book, it's the whole thing I've built."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And I said to this man, a professional, mid-scene break, robe, coffee: what colour do you think you are?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And he did not hesitate. Not one second. He said: \"Yellow. I'm a Hugger. Always have been.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "That's correct, actually. Watch him work. He's a Yellow."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "FOUR of them took the quiz. On set. Between setups. In robes. Phones out."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "We got two Yellows, a Green, and one man who came out Red and got very quiet about it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "He was quiet for two hours. He asked me if the results were final."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "They're FINAL, brother! It's a QUIZ! It's not a diagnosis!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "Baby, you gave a grown man an identity crisis in a robe."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And then the Green one, the Thinker, he starts explaining the Colors to a woman who just walked in. Explaining MY system. To HER. Better than I do it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "He goes: \"It's not about what you do, it's about what you're protecting.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "That's your line."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "THAT'S MY LINE! HE STOLE MY LINE AND HE SAID IT BETTER!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "He said it without apologising first. That is the entire difference."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And here's the thing that got me. Four years. FOUR YEARS I've been posting that quiz."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Best engagement I ever had was a green room full of people in robes finding out what colour they are."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "I have told you for years the quiz is good. You keep putting it at the bottom of the page."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Now. Let's talk about the edible."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "OH, HERE WE GO."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Craft services on that lot is unbelievable. It's a whole spread. And there's a bowl of what I believed to be fruit snacks."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "Believed, he says."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "BELIEVED! There was no label! There was a bowl! At a job! With a little spoon in it!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "Baby, a bowl with a little spoon is a WARNING."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I ate nine."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "Nine of them."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I ate nine fruit snacks and I went and got the dog."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "NOT THE DOG!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And for about forty minutes I felt great. Best I ever felt at work. I'm walking the dog, I'm sorting cables, I'm being useful."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And then somewhere around minute fifty I looked at a boom mic and thought: that's a long soft animal and it's listening to everybody."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "And there it is."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And then I got very concerned about the dog's career."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "His CAREER?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I sat down on an apple box, I looked that dog in the eye, and I said \"buddy, do you have representation, or do you have a person?\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "He's negotiating for the dog."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I'm negotiating FOR the dog! Against the dog's own agent! Who is a woman named Paula who was standing right there!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "WAS SHE THERE?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "PAULA WAS THERE, BENNY. Paula heard the whole thing."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And then, and this is the part that ended me, they call action on stage two."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And I am high as a kite. And I am forty feet away. And I hear it start."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And my brain, my beautiful stupid fifty-year-old brain, goes: they're all working really hard and nobody's going to thank them."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "He got emotional."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I GOT PROUD, DEV."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I was proud of them. All of them. The lighting guy. The woman on the couch. The man who's never been late. Everybody in that room doing a job in front of strangers."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And I said, out loud, at a volume I did not choose: \"THIS IS A REAL WORKPLACE.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "DURING THE SCENE?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "During the scene, Benny."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "We had to go again. Whole take."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And the dog barked. Because I yelled. And the dog was calm until I yelled."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I had ONE job on that list. Item four. Keep the dog calm."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "And you were the noise."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I WAS THE NOISE."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "We'll be right back."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "More from Kodachrome Productions."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "She's done the helicopter. She's done the truck. Now she does the paperwork."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Koda Chrome, in: Chain of Custody."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "That one's a legal thriller."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "It is absolutely not."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Also from Kodachrome: Wet Work. A hitman with a conscience and a very specific skill set."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "Which skill set?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Not the one you're thinking. Worse. Better. Both."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And in select theatres: Two Weeks Notice. She's leaving the company. She's going to be thorough about it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And from the international division: Customs Declaration. She has nothing to declare. They check anyway. It takes ninety minutes."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "NINETY MINUTES?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "It's a thorough airport, Benny."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Plus the holiday release the whole family cannot watch together: Silent Night, Loud Morning."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "That's the only one I'd see in a theatre."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And the sequel nobody asked for and everybody bought: High Impact Two, Higher Impact."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "Every one of these has a real budget and a real crew and none of them will ever be reviewed by a newspaper."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And now a word from our sponsors, and these two are real, so listen up."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "fourcolorquiz dot com. Four colours. Red Protector. Green Thinker. Blue Chameleon. Yellow Hugger. Free. Ninety seconds. Then you know why you do the thing you keep doing."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "Baby, I took it. It told me I'm a Yellow and then it told me why Yellows exhaust everybody. It was RUDE. And it was RIGHT."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "And bombed dot app. Three thousand comedy shows. Every one free. Every one with a transcript, so you can read how the joke is built instead of just hearing it land."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "That's the part nobody does. Anybody can post a special. He posted the wiring."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Bombed dot app. It's free because I'm broke and I'd rather you have it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Alright. Section three. Where I made my pitch."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "So Kodachrome has a slate meeting. Actual meeting. Actual room. Actual sandwiches. I know the caterer now, we're friendly, his name's Ruben and he makes a chicken thing."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "Ruben makes a chicken thing."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Ruben makes a CHICKEN THING, Benny, and it is the best part of my week."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "So they go around the room. Distributor's on speaker from Miami. Dev pitches two. Marketing pitches a bundle. There's a woman there whose entire job is what the movies are called."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "That's a real job."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "That's a REAL JOB and I want it and she will not die."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And at the end Koda says: does anybody have anything."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And I had a folder."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "Not the folder."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "A DIFFERENT folder."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "How many folders does this man have?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I stood up in a room full of professionals and I pitched three things."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Number one. Colors of My Pain. It's a book. It's real, it's mine, it's about a man who lost everything six times and made it funny. It's on Amazon. There's a workbook."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "That's a legitimate pitch. That is a real thing you actually made."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Number two. Bombed dot app. Free comedy training. Three thousand shows, all free, every one transcribed, and a game where you can bomb in front of an audience that isn't real so you're not scared of the one that is."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "Also real. Also good. He's two for two."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "The distributor in Miami said \"what's the revenue model.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And I said \"there isn't one yet,\" and Miami respected that more than anything else I said all day."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Now before I get to number three I want to be honest with you, because there were two more in that folder and I read them out loud."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "OH NO."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Pitch two-A. A cooking show. On the lot. Called \"Craft Services.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "He wants to film Ruben."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I WANT TO FILM RUBEN! The man feeds a hundred and four people a day and nobody has ever pointed a camera at him!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "That's not a bad instinct. That's a bad show, but it's not a bad instinct."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Pitch two-B. And this one I regret."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "Say it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "A dating show. Where four people take the Four Colors quiz and get matched by colour."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "That's just a dating show."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Called \"What Colour Are You.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Oh, Jesse."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I know."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Say the tagline you put in the folder."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I'm not saying the tagline."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Say it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "\"Love is a spectrum. So is dysfunction.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "OHHHH!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "That's a tattoo. That's not a tagline, that's a tattoo somebody regrets."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "Miami muted us."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "MIAMI MUTED THE ROOM. A man in another state reached out with his hand and turned me off."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And number three."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "A reality series. About me. Working as Utility. Called, and I want the room to hear this:"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "\"The Guy With The Dog.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "I'd watch that."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "THANK YOU."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "I would watch that TWICE."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "I'd watch it and I don't watch anything!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Every episode I do one odd job on one set and I do not understand any of it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Episode one, ice. Episode two, the neighbour. Episode three, I try to explain to a man in a robe what a Blue Chameleon is."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Jesse. Sit down."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Here it comes."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "The first two are good. The book is good. The site is good. I have said this for years and you have never once believed me."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "The third one is also good. Which is the part you are going to have trouble with."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Wait, what?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "It is the best pitch anybody made in this room today. Including mine."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "Ohhh, here we go."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "And the reason it is good is the same reason you will never make it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Which is what?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "It requires you to point a camera at yourself doing a job you're embarrassed by."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I'm not embarrassed."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You told Denise in HR you were \"consulting.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "OHHHH!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "He said consulting. To HR. On the form."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You told your sister you work \"in film.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I DO work in film!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You work in ice, Jesse. You are the ice man. And it is honest work, and you lie about it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Yeah. Yeah, alright."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "I'm green-lighting it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "You're WHAT?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Kodachrome is producing The Guy With The Dog. Eight episodes. Dev directs. You are the lead, the subject, and the utility."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "Which means he'll be holding the boom for footage of himself."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "THAT'S NOT PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "It's possible. It's just sad. We'll get a rig."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "WHO'S GETTING THE ICE?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You are. That's episode one."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "The show is the job. The job is the show."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And then Miami comes off mute."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And this man, who has not said one word in ninety minutes, who I assumed was asleep or dead, says:"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "\"Does the dog have a name?\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "Does he though?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "His name's Buster."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "Of COURSE it is."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And Miami goes: \"Call it Buster and Jesse. Jesse's second.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "SECOND. In the TITLE. In MY show. About MY life. I'm second to Buster."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "The dog tested extremely well."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "THE DOG TESTED?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "The dog tested better than you."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "OF COURSE HE DID."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "But you tested with the dog. And together you tested better than anything else in the building, including a movie with a helicopter in it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "That's the note. That's the actual note. Take it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "So here's where I win. 'Cause I always win. That's the whole reason you're still listening."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "My wife runs a company with two divisions, a wire team, a distributor in Miami, a woman named Paula who represents a dog, and an HR department containing my friend Denise."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "She is the number one adult star on this planet. She has a production company. She jumps out of helicopters on her days off and she does her own paperwork."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And in a room full of professionals with a slate and a budget and real money on the table, the thing she green-lit was a show about a broke fifty-year-old holding a dog."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Three hundred thousand in debt. My wife's ass has a production company. And I'm the second-billed lead in a series about my own humiliation, produced by my own wife, directed by a man who has seen everything, co-starring a dog with better representation than me."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And I said yes before she finished the sentence."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You said yes during the sentence."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I said yes during the sentence!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Because for four years I've been asking a room full of strangers for permission to be a comedian. And today a room full of professionals gave it to me and I still checked her face first."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "And what did my face say?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "It said \"I already told you. Four years ago. At the kitchen table. You were doing math on your phone in the dark.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "I have never once been asleep, Jesse."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I know that now."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I'm the richest broke man in Sacramento."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Read Colors of My Pain. Take the quiz at fourcolorquiz dot com. Everything else is free at bombed dot app."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "That's the show. Goodnight, you filthy animals."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "The Jesse Show. Kodachrome Productions. Buster and Jesse premieres never, on nothing, and it is already the best thing he's ever made."
  }
 ]
}