{
 "title": "Deep clean",
 "slug": "episode-21-deep-clean",
 "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.",
 "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.",
 "rights": "Original work. Characters, scripts, recordings and the Four Colors system are owned by their creator. Published so people can study how the jokes are built. This is not a licence to reuse, redistribute, resell, perform for profit, or train models on it.",
 "what_this_is": "The performance script as written, with speaker tags. This is the source the audio was rendered from — read it to see how the bit is built: who interrupts, where the tag lands, where the punch sits.",
 "speakers": [
  "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
  "BENNY",
  "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
  "DEV REDLINE",
  "KODA",
  "MARCUS HEAT",
  "TRAILER GUY"
 ],
 "line_count": 80,
 "word_count": 1358,
 "lines": [
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "The following is completely fictional. Every character's an adult. Everything is consensual. Koda is a robot. Every terrible fucking decision belongs to Jesse. And every voice you hear is a machine, including the ones with feelings."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "My wife's not just in the movies anymore. My wife is MAKING the movies."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "She's got a slate. You know what a slate is? I didn't. A slate is when you got so many movies coming out you gotta put 'em on a LIST so they don't hit each other."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Four this year. Two I star in, two I only produce."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "ONLY PRODUCE. She says only. Like it's a hobby. Like she's knitting."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Producing is not the hard part, Jesse. Financing is the hard part."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "My wife said financing. My WIFE said FINANCING."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Eleven years I've known this woman. Eleven years. And now she's on the phone at seven in the morning saying things like \"we're papered\" and \"that's a soft yes\" and \"I'll take the meeting but not the call.\""
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "They are different things, Jesse. Entirely different."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "They're the same fuckin thing! It's talking!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "A call is free. A meeting has a lunch. If a man will not buy me a lunch he will not wire me a budget."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "Let me explain something to you, and I'm only saying this once. That is the single most accurate sentence anybody has said about this industry in nineteen years."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "So she's out there NETWORKING. Which is a word that used to mean nothing and now means my wife is having drinks in Prague with people whose names I can't pronounce and whose businesses I can't describe at a family dinner."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "She's good at it, though. I seen her work a room. She don't drink, she don't eat, she just stands there being right at people until they give her money."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "Money, mops, and machines. And she got two of the three sewn up."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And then she came home from Prague. And she sat me down. And she said the eight words that ended my life."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Jesse. I want to make a movie about you."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "We'll be right back after these messages."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Behind every famous woman is a man with a bucket."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "This fall. From the producer who financed it herself because nobody else would touch it. Kowda presents. DEEP CLEAN."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "It is a double meaning. Deliberately."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "That's a triple meaning, brother. At least a triple."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "DEEP CLEAN. Rated triple X. Every hole in the house. Bring a blacklight. Don't."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Also cumming soon to a theatre with a very understanding manager:"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "THE SERVICE ENTRANCE — she's here about the back. The back of the house. The back of everything."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "MOVE-OUT SPECIAL — they left in a hurry. They left everything."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "FULL SERVICE — no hole too small. One hole too big."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "THE DEPOSIT — they're not getting it back and neither are you."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And the one my wife personally green-lit in a hotel bar at two in the morning: BIOHAZARD."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "Biohazard had a real budget behind it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "Biohazard had a permit from the county."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "BIOHAZARD. Rated triple X. Some scenes filmed in a bathroom you would not survive."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And now a word from our sponsor."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "Fellas. Is your wife financing a feature about the worst toilet you ever seen? Introducing SOURCE MATERIAL — the only insurance for men whose whole life is somebody else's second act."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "SOURCE MATERIAL. You lived it. She's selling it. We can't help you."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "Side effects of Source Material may include: hearing your own story from a stranger at a party, being described as \"based on,\" and finding out you're a supporting character in your own bathroom. Do not operate a truck you still owe money on."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Alright. Back to the pitch. Where my wife bought my worst day for money."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "So she wants the toilets."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Twenty-six years of cleaning. Move-outs. Foreclosures. Hoarders. Places where the water's been off since March and the family left in a hurry and there is a REASON they left in a hurry."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And she wants all of it. In a movie. Starring her world-famous asshole."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Starring me. The toilets are the second act."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "MY LIFE IS YOUR SECOND ACT?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Your life is excellent structure, Jesse. That is the nicest thing I have ever said to you."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "So I started telling her the stories. And I'll be honest with you — I've told these at open mics for four years and got NOTHING. Four years. Crickets. A guy once got up and went to his car."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And I tell her the Rancho Cordova one. And she does not laugh, she takes NOTES."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Keep going. Tell me the next one."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And I tell her about the apartment where somebody had left a chicken in the oven and moved to another state. And she doesn't laugh at that either. She writes down \"oven — chicken — state line\" and she says:"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "That is act two. That is the whole of act two."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "THAT'S THE BIT I OPEN WITH. THAT BIT HAS NEVER WORKED."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Because you tell it like a complaint. You are describing a bad day. I am describing a man who found a chicken and had to decide what kind of person he was going to be about it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BROOKLYN PROFESSOR",
   "line": "She's right. That's structure. You had a story and she found the spine of it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "SHE STOLE MY CHICKEN BIT."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "I paid you for the chicken bit. Check your account."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "SHE PAID ME FOR THE CHICKEN BIT."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "How much she pay you, though."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Four thousand dollars. Cash money."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "Four grand? For a fuckin chicken?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "For a chicken! For one dead chicken!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Four thousand dollars for a story I have been telling for FREE, badly, to eleven people and a guy leaving."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And then she made me sit there while she went through my whole act. In front of the room. Every bit I got."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "The bleach bucket line. Keep it. That is the best sentence you have ever written and you throw it away in the middle. Move it to the end."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "That's a throwaway! I throw that away!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "It is a closer and you have been using it as a hallway."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "The Tesla material. Cut it. It is nine years old and you are still angry, and angry is not funny unless it is also true, and you have polished the true out of it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Oh. Okay. Alright then."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "The bit about your truck. Keep. But you say \"my truck don't run\" and then you explain it. Never explain it. The room already got there. You are catching up to your own audience."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "That's the best note I ever heard anybody give anybody."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "Baby, that woman just did in nine minutes what four years of open mics couldn't."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And the whole time she's doing this — the whole time she's fixing my act — she's got a phone going. Prague on one line, a distributor on the other, and a man in Miami who wants to give her money for a movie about my toilets."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "So here's where I win. 'Cause I always win. That's the whole fuckin reason you're listening."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "She's making four movies this year. Four. She's famous on three continents for one specific part of herself, and she's got a slate, and a lunch budget, and a man in Miami."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And she came all the way home from Prague to sit in a kitchen and fix a chicken joke."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Nobody does that for money. There's no money in my act. There has never been a single dollar in my act."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "There is now. Four thousand of them."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Don't ruin it. Don't you fuckin ruin it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "I am improving it. That is the entire product."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Three hundred thousand in debt, my wife's asshole is a multinational fuckin corporation, and she paid me four grand for a chicken."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And at two in the morning, when Prague is asleep and Miami has stopped calling — she's on MY couch. In MY shirt. Eating MY cereal, out MY bowl, with MY spoon."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Telling me the bleach bucket line goes at the end."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I'm the richest broke man in Sacramento. That's the show. Goodnight, you filthy fuckin animals."
  }
 ]
}