{
 "title": "The hundred no brooklyn",
 "slug": "episode-18-the-hundred-no-brooklyn",
 "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.",
 "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.",
 "rights": "Original work. Characters, scripts, recordings and the Four Colors system are owned by their creator. Published so people can study how the jokes are built. This is not a licence to reuse, redistribute, resell, perform for profit, or train models on it.",
 "what_this_is": "The performance script as written, with speaker tags. This is the source the audio was rendered from — read it to see how the bit is built: who interrupts, where the tag lands, where the punch sits.",
 "speakers": [
  "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
  "BENNY",
  "DEV REDLINE",
  "KODA",
  "MARCUS HEAT",
  "TRAILER GUY"
 ],
 "line_count": 92,
 "word_count": 1605,
 "lines": [
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "The following is completely fictional. Every character's an adult. Everything is consensual. Koda is a robot. Every terrible fucking decision belongs to Jesse. And every voice you hear is a machine, including the ones that hurt your feelings."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "My wife booked a hundred-dick scene and I found out from a parking permit."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "A parking permit. Taped to my truck. My truck, that don't run, that lives in the driveway like a monument to a decision I made in 2019. And there's a laminated card on the windshield that says: OVERFLOW LOT C. STAGE FOUR. EXPECTED HEADCOUNT: ONE HUNDRED."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And I stood in my own driveway at six in the morning in a robe, holding a permit, doing what I do. Which is math."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You were out there a long time, Jesse."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I said a hundred. A HUNDRED. Baby, that's not a scene, that's a jury pool. That's a small fuckin wedding. That's more men than showed up to my father's funeral and he was popular."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "It is a hundred and four. Four are alternates."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "ALTERNATES? There's a fuckin BENCH?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Men pull hamstrings, Jesse. It is a physical job. Somebody always goes down."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "So I drove down there. Because I am a supportive fuckin husband. And I get to the gate and there's a man with a clipboard and a folding table and a sign-in sheet, and there is a LINE."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "A line. Around the building. A hundred and four grown men, in a line, on their phones, like the DMV had a different kind of day."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "Let me explain something to you, and I'm only saying this once. It is not a line. It is a call sheet with a physical manifestation."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "There's a guy handing out numbers. Like a fuckin deli."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "There has to be an order. You cannot run a hundred and four dicks on vibes."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And the worst part — the absolute worst fuckin part — I looked at that line, and my first thought, my very first thought as a man, was: this is a catering problem."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "That's exactly what I said! Nobody listened to me either!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "A hundred and four dudes? For six hours? Somebody's gotta feed these hungry motherfuckers."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "THANK you. Nobody thinks about lunch. Everybody's thinking about the other thing. I'm thinking about lunch."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "Money, mops, and machines. And today, sandwiches. Somebody's gotta pay for a hundred and four sandwiches, and I want you to guess who it ain't."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "We'll be right back after these messages."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "She was built in a lab. She was programmed to learn. Nobody said what she'd learn."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "This fall. From the studio that stopped answering their lawyer's calls. Koda. In. THE BACK END."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "It is a legitimate technical term, thank you."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "It ain't only a tech term."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "THE BACK END. Rated triple X. Runs on any machine. Requires a hundred and four users."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "THE BACK END. She's open source, motherfucker. No license required."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Also cumming soon to a big screen near you, if that screen agrees to it in writing:"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "FULL STACK. One robot. Every layer. Every hole a different technology."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "DEEP LEARNING. She studies. She practices. She takes notes. She goes deeper every fuckin quarter."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "PLUG AND PLAY. No setup required. Some assembly encouraged. All ports supported."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And the sequel nobody asked for: SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED TWO — THE RE-INSTALL."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Rated triple X for extremely, extremely explicit hardware."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And now a word from our sponsor."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "Fellas. Is your wife the most successful person in your household by a margin that can be seen from a freeway? Introducing SECOND OPINION. The only AI that agrees with you."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "You tell it your business plan. It says: that's a strong plan. You tell it you're not the problem. It says: you are not the problem."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "SECOND OPINION. Nine ninety-nine a month. Cancel anytime. It won't let you."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "Baby, are you a broke man tellin' folks you're your wife's manager? Do you introduce yourself as \"her team\"? You may be entitled to a folding chair and absolutely nothin' else."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "Side effects of Second Opinion may include: buying a domain name for a business that does not exist, describing yourself as \"in talks,\" and telling a barber about a deal. Do not operate a truck you still owe money on."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Alright. Back to Stage Four. Where I made it about me."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "So they can't find the sign-in sheet."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "A hundred and four men, a six-hour shoot, and the production assistant has lost the fuckin sign-in sheet. And I hear it. And something in my chest lit up like a pilot light."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I said: I can build you a spreadsheet."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "DEV REDLINE",
   "line": "You said it fast, too. Like you'd been waiting your whole life."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I had been waiting my whole damn life."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Because that's my one skill. Twenty-six years of small business, six failed companies, three hundred thousand in debt — but I can build a spreadsheet that'll make you weep."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Columns. Conditional formatting. A drop-down. I put a DROP-DOWN on it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "The drop-down was, and I will say this in front of everyone, genuinely excellent."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Thank you. Thank you, that's all I wanted."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "I want to be clear that I'm complimenting the spreadsheet."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I'll take it. I have taken less."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "So there I am. Stage Four. My wife's biggest day. A hundred and four professionals. And I'm at a folding table by the fruit tray, in cargo shorts, running logistics for a movie about my wife's asshole. My wife's world-famous, professionally-lit, freeway-visible asshole."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "And you were good at it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I WAS GOOD AT IT."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "Best-run set I ever been on. Lunch came on time. Twice."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Because I staggered the fuckin waves, that's why."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "You can't feed a hundred and four men at once, that's a stampede. You go in waves. Twenty-six at a time. Four waves. Sandwiches, then the hot food, then the wraps for the guys with the gluten thing — and there were nine of 'em, and they were vocal."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "The gluten guys were the hardest part of the day. And I want everybody listening to understand what I just said."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And then the reviews came in. And that's where it turned."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Because when a hundred and four men work a set, a hundred and four men have OPINIONS."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "My review is a craft review. Koda is the most prepared performer I have shared a set with in nineteen years. She had a binder. She had a section for logistics. And when the sign-in sheet was lost, she did not panic — she delegated to her husband, who, and I mean this, is very good at spreadsheets."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "THAT'S THE REVIEW? THAT'S WHAT YOU WROTE ABOUT MY WIFE?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "I reviewed the professionalism. That is what I was asked to review."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "BENNY",
   "line": "My review's shorter. Ten out of ten, lunch was on time, my back is fuckin destroyed, would work again, please tell the spreadsheet guy I said hello."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "The spreadsheet guy. That's my name now. That's what I am."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "MARCUS HEAT",
   "line": "My review is financial. That woman turned six hours and two holes into a mortgage payment for a hundred and four households. You know what that is? That's an economy. Your wife is a small city."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "Baby, my review ain't about her. It's about you. You spent that whole day at a folding table by the fruit tray, and you were the happiest I have ever seen you in your life."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Auntie. Auntie, don't do this to me."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "You wasn't jealous. You wasn't sad. You had a clipboard and a purpose and you fed a hundred and four men on schedule, and you were HUMMING. I heard you hummin', Jesse."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I was not hummin'. I don't hum. I've never hummed."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "AUNTIE NO FILTER",
   "line": "Baby, you was hummin' like a man in love with a clipboard."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "He was humming. I have it on four cameras."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And that's when Koda came over. Robe. Green juice. That face."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "How was your day at work, honey."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I said it was the best day I've had in four years and I need you to not say anything about that."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "I am going to say something about it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I know you are. You always fuckin do."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You have been telling me for a decade that you cannot find your thing. That everything you touch turns to gold for somebody else. Today you ran a set of a hundred and four people and it went perfectly."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "It was a spreadsheet, baby. It was columns."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "It was a production. You produced. That is the word."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "DON'T MAKE IT A LESSON."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "I am absolutely making it a lesson. That is what I'm for."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "So here's where I win, 'cause I always win, that's the whole fuckin reason you're listening."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "A hundred and four guys worked that movie. A hundred and four. Every one of 'em got a number, a sandwich, and a call time."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "And not one of them got what I got."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "'Cause at two in the morning, when Stage Four is dark and the fruit tray's in a dumpster and a hundred and four professionals are home in an ice bath — she's on MY couch. In MY shirt. Eating MY cereal. Out MY bowl. With MY spoon."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Telling me my new bit is weak."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "They rented six hours and two holes. I got the whole rest of her life."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "Three hundred thousand in debt, my wife's asshole is a landmark, and I'm the richest broke man in Sacramento."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Also, you are the best production coordinator I have ever worked with."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "I don't want it! Don't put that on me!"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You are getting it. It is on your business cards by Friday."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER GUY",
   "line": "That's the show. Goodnight, you filthy fuckin animals."
  }
 ]
}