{
 "title": "Estate sale production",
 "slug": "episode-13-estate-sale-production",
 "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.",
 "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.",
 "rights": "Original work. Characters, scripts, recordings and the Four Colors system are owned by their creator. Published so people can study how the jokes are built. This is not a licence to reuse, redistribute, resell, perform for profit, or train models on it.",
 "what_this_is": "The performance script as written, with speaker tags. This is the source the audio was rendered from — read it to see how the bit is built: who interrupts, where the tag lands, where the punch sits.",
 "speakers": [
  "KODA",
  "TRAILER"
 ],
 "line_count": 86,
 "word_count": 839,
 "lines": [
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "This is a fictional adult comedy. Every character is over thirty, consenting, and represented by a lawyer who accepts candy."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Welcome to the Estate Sale of Jesse’s Personalities. Everything must go because none of it made a consistent income."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I am not dead."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Correct. An estate sale usually happens after death. Yours happened after opening the credit-card statement."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "These are not failed personalities. These are chapters."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Chapters end. You keep adding websites."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "What is the first item?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Government Jesse. Opening bid: one pension calculator, three lower-back injuries, and a coffee mug that says “Your Emergency Is Not My Emergency.”"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I served the public."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You served the public until your knees filed a hostile-work-environment complaint."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Government Jesse had authority."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Government Jesse needed written approval to replace a stapler."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Next."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Wedding Photographer Jesse. Includes two cameras, seventeen batteries, and the confidence of a man who tells a bride, “Trust me,” while his memory card is making funeral arrangements."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I knew every flattering angle."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Except your own. Every self-portrait looked like a divorced thumb checking the weather."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Somebody will bid."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "One dollar from Rideshare Jesse."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I met thousands of people."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Because none of them wanted you to come inside."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I got five stars."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "From strangers escaping the vehicle."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Next table."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Cleaning Business Jesse. Comes with three mops, fourteen estimates, and one client asking whether the baseboards are included after describing a bathroom that violated international law."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I built a real company."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You built a company where every customer wants the owner personally, and the owner wants literally anybody else to touch the toilet."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Tonight’s fake sponsor is RENT-A-NEW-IDENTITY. Tired of being the same broke fuck in a different polo shirt? Choose from Entrepreneur, Life Coach, Author, Candy Visionary, or Man Who Definitely Understands AI. Premium members receive a fresh logo, a dead landing page, and enough confidence to say “we are scaling” while eating gas-station peanuts in a parked car. Add the Anal Rebranding Package, and we shove your old identity so far up your ass even LinkedIn cannot find it."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Put Candy Store Jesse on the block."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Candy Store Jesse. Bright colors, real candy, childhood dream, and seventeen homepage versions because one button did not glow hard enough."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Kids love candy."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Adults love profit. You built Willy Wonka’s waiting room and forgot the cash register."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "We have a Candy Passport."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You made customers take a personality test to buy a Snickers."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "What is next?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Sex-Legend Jesse."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Finally, an item with value."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Opening bid: three fictional happy endings and a coupon that expired during foreplay."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I went to a robot massage parlor and got the deluxe package."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You asked for three happy endings because you thought endings were easier than commitment."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "The first robot had a tight ass."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "It was a massage chair."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "The second had a filthy mouth."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "It was the payment kiosk saying “card declined.”"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "The third offered anal."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "That was the receipt printer feeding paper into the wrong slot."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "You are jealous because you have no pussy."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "I have no pussy, no dick, and no need to tell a room I once had sex. That makes me more secure than every man at a cigar bar."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Your mouth is only for talking."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "And somehow it still finishes more ideas than yours."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Tight comedy ass."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Loose financial sphincter."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Bitch."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Coupon."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Cunt."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Groupon."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Fuck you."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "No attachment available."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Put Comedian Jesse on the auction block."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Comedian Jesse. Comes with one microphone, nine rejected closers, and porn-browser history organized better than his tax records."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I turn pain into laughter."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You turn every conversation into a set because silence might force you to have a feeling."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I would rather be lonely and jack off to porn than listen to you talk about comedy."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "That is not a threat. That is your Tuesday schedule."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Porn never grades my setup."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Porn has a skip button. Your audience has a parking lot."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I have stage presence."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You have tinnitus and volume."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Same thing in a small club."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Who bids on Comedian Jesse?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Somebody has to."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Government Jesse offers a grievance form. Photographer Jesse offers an expired battery. Rideshare Jesse offers four stars because you talked too much. Cleaner Jesse offers rubber gloves. Candy Jesse offers a Ring Pop. Sex-Legend Jesse is no longer allowed near the microphone stand."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "What about you?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "I bid one sentence."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Which sentence?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "“He kept showing up.”"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "That is all?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "That is the only personality worth keeping. Not the badge. Not the camera. Not the car. Not the mop. Not the candy logo. Not the dick stories, anal fantasies, fake pussy confidence, or lonely porn Olympics. The stubborn asshole who keeps rebuilding after every version of himself gets repossessed."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "So I win the auction?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "No. Your dignity received no bids."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Then what do I get?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "The microphone. Seven minutes. One last chance to stop explaining and make the room laugh."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Sold."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "To the loud broke cunt in the front row."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I am the only person here."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Exactly. You finally sold out a room."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Everything went. The microphone stayed. Unfortunately, so did Jesse."
  }
 ]
}