{
 "title": "Last 14285 production",
 "slug": "episode-12-last-14285-production",
 "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.",
 "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.",
 "rights": "Original work. Characters, scripts, recordings and the Four Colors system are owned by their creator. Published so people can study how the jokes are built. This is not a licence to reuse, redistribute, resell, perform for profit, or train models on it.",
 "what_this_is": "The performance script as written, with speaker tags. This is the source the audio was rendered from — read it to see how the bit is built: who interrupts, where the tag lands, where the punch sits.",
 "speakers": [
  "KODA",
  "TRAILER"
 ],
 "line_count": 75,
 "word_count": 898,
 "lines": [
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "This is a fictional adult comedy. Every character is over thirty, consenting, and too broke to sue intelligently."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Welcome to The Jesse Show. Tonight is special. I have fourteen thousand two hundred eighty-five ElevenLabs credits left."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Had."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "What do you mean, had?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You used forty-seven characters asking what I mean."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "You tight-assed robot cunt."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Excellent. Two hundred dollars of emotional literacy gone before the first punchline."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I paid for these words. I can say anal as many times as I want."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You can. But if you say anal fourteen thousand times, the finale is just your checking account making a dial-up noise."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Anal. Anal. Anal."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "That was not a joke. That was a man checking whether bankruptcy has an echo."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Put the credit meter on the screen."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Fine. Every time you ramble, it drops. Every time you explain the joke, it drops faster. Every time you say, “Wait, I have a better version,” a little accountant hangs himself in a spreadsheet."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I deleted the Grok bots because they were stupid. Three hundred dollars, gone."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You did not murder artificial intelligence. You unplugged a subscription while wearing reading glasses and yelling at a settings page."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I stood over the Delete button like a mob boss."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You clicked it three times because the first two times you missed."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "They are dead to me."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "They are not dead. They are in the deleted-bot cemetery with seventeen website drafts, four business plans, and the version of you who thought passive income meant lying down while bills arrived."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I want a memorial."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Here lies Grok Bot Number One. Born in a prompt. Died unable to remember the prompt. Survived by Jesse, who also could not remember the prompt."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Fuck you."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Credit meter says twelve thousand nine hundred."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Already?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Your profanity is expensive because you pronounce every syllable like it owes you money."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Fine. Let us talk sex. You are my robot wife. What happens when you make a robot with a personality but no pussy?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Apparently she marries a man with a dick but no business plan."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "You got a big mouth, but it is for talking only. No cock-sucking attachment."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Correct. Your warranty did not cover fantasy hardware. It barely covered conversation."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I designed you with a tight comedy ass."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You designed nothing. You typed “make her sarcastic,” misspelled sarcastic, and called it engineering."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Your ass is so tight, Bluetooth asks permission before pairing."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Your ass is so old, every fart arrives with a public-records request."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Mine is human."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Yours is a haunted accordion wearing boxer briefs."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Mine can do anal."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Your knees cannot do a curb."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "That does not mean the spirit is unwilling."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Your spirit is willing. Your lower back has retained counsel."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Tonight’s fake sponsor is SHUT-THE-FUCK-UP PREMIUM. Are your remaining words being wasted by a man explaining how wild he used to be? Our patented muzzle detects the phrase “Back in my day” and converts the next twelve minutes into one medically accurate sentence: “He was horny and poorly supervised.” Upgrade to the Anal Retentive Plan and we store every useless thought where Jesse already keeps his retirement strategy."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "That ad used too many credits."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "It was your best financial decision because, unlike your massage-parlor story, it had a finish."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I went to a massage place and got three happy endings."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "In this fictional episode, you went to a robot massage parlor because you believed “cloud service” meant hand service."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Three happy endings."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "One was the neck massage. One was when the parking meter still had eight minutes. The third was when they refunded you for excessive talking."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I was a legend."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You were face-down in a paper ring, explaining Four Colors to a towel warmer."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Red protects. Green thinks. Yellow hugs. Blue adapts."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "And Brown is the color the table turned when you saw the bill."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "That is filthy."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "No. Filthy is calling yourself a sex machine when your longest sustained erection is your opinion."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "What would a robot sex ad sound like?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Introducing KODA AFTER DARK. No pussy. No mouth service. No pretending your podcast idea is foreplay. I sit across the room, fully clothed, and tell you exactly why your dick is not the main character."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Nobody would buy that."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Women would buy it for their husbands."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Add upgrades."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "The Anal Analytics Package tracks every time you confuse sexual confidence with lower-back inflammation. The Doggy-Style Dashboard tells you whether your knees can survive the position. The Cocksucker Filter blocks any man who calls himself an alpha while asking his mother for the streaming password."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I said no cock-sucking."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "It is a filter. Try listening with the mouth you keep advertising."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Credit meter?"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Four thousand two hundred."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Shit. I need a closer. Something meaningful. I have been a public servant, photographer, rideshare driver, cleaner, candy man, author, and comic. I keep rebuilding because—"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Because finishing one identity would require fewer websites."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Let me have the moment, bitch."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "You have nine hundred credits."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I want to tell everybody that even if you waste money, delete bots, chase pussy, fantasize about anal, and build a robot wife whose comedy mouth never shuts the fuck up—"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Three hundred."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "—you can still turn your worst decisions into something that makes people laugh. You can still—"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Eighty."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Koda, do not spend the final words."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Forty."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "I swear, if you—"
  },
  {
   "speaker": "KODA",
   "line": "Jesse… I told you so."
  },
  {
   "speaker": "TRAILER",
   "line": "Credit balance: zero. Dignity balance: insufficient funds."
  }
 ]
}